I know it’s been over a month since there have been any posts…we’re alive, I promise!  As Mark and I have grown closer to God these past few months we’ve both felt convicted about idols. Guess what mine is? The computer. His is the Xbox and we’ve both been making an effort to back away a little bit and focus on family time more.  The moments when I do have time to write I’ve felt the call the read the Bible or something else more productive in my day (do the dishes and laundry ever end?!), or sleep. I wish I could find the perfect balance for life so it wasn’t so one sided, whether is too much me time or too much focus on the daily duties and not enough me time. If any of you figure out that balance, let me know how to do it!

So how have we been? Of course, my standard answer to anyone who asks has been, “We’re all good!” And yeah, in the grand scheme of life we are good because we’re all healthy, well fed, warm, loved, etc. but I admit some times that’s just a Supermom cover. I’m not always good. Jaxson is almost 3.5 months old now and the months of sleep dept has caught up to me. Gone are the days where I can get up every hour, run on adrenaline, and be happy all day long because I’m so in love with life (aside from that baby blues period!). Instead, I wake up all night long frustrated that both kids are waking me up several times a night just because they need Mommy to put them back to sleep again and therefore I wake up grumpy, which makes for a long and grumpy day for all. It’s a vicious cycle that obviously affects me personally, but also how I parent. I hate it, I don’t want to be a yelling mommy. I want to be a patient, gentle, loving-like-Christ-loves-us kind of Mommy. Consider this my cry for help. (Help! Books? Websites? Ideas? Bible Verses? Discipline ideas appropriate for a 4 year old?).

I’m going to be real honest here: My relationship with Savannah isn’t all that great, and especially has taken a slide since Jaxson has been born. Our relationship consists of lots of whining, yelling, tears, frustrations, etc. on both ends. Which, is another huge reason why I’m trying to step back from what I want to do during quiet moments like nap times and spend it with her. I’ve started doing some homeschooling with her on days she isn’t actually in preschool and making more of an effort to do things she likes, like play board games together. I know deep at the heart of our issue is love and respect; she wants love and I want respect (Anyone ever read that book? Who knew the parenting relationship could be similar to the marriage one!).  I need her listening ears to be turned on and I need my unconditional loving heart to be turned on! I don’t mean that I don’t love Savannah, that’s far from the truth, but I’m praying for a heart that can reflect that love even when it isn’t easy. I honestly feel like I’m failing her some times. But then, she’ll wake up the next day and magically have listening ears, polite answers, and a desire to be a helping hand AND sleep through the night. I know God must be hearing my prayers to have some good days every now and then!

As far as Jaxson goes, besides his sleep habits, he’s a fantastic baby. Everyone comments on how content and happy he is, and it’s so true. I could watch his big toothless grin all day long, he’s such a smiley baby! He’s growing very fast, already up to 14 pounds and definitely not newborn-ish anymore. He loves to sit up to look around (with help, of course) and he is really into grabbing things now (I considered growing my hair back out until he started grabbing it!). Its cute to watch him play with toys now! He is starting to show teething signs already so we have some odd cranky moments and lots of drool now. We are still cloth diapering and I still love it. I have a post I started over a month ago waiting to be finished all about the details of that. But long story short: I hate using disposables  now on the rare occasions I use them.

On the spiritual front though, besides feeling like I’m being attacked from all sides in my tired weakness, I feel like Mark and I are finally growing our roots as a family in God. He’s been going to a men’s small group each week, and I’ve been going to a women’s.  Getting to church each week is a different story though, I feel like The Enemy attacks the hardest Saturday nights when I need to rest to be able to function on Sundays! Despite that though, God has really opened doors to opportunities to get to know other believers in our area and like-minded Mommies for me and Savannah to hang out with. In fact, Mark has decided to finally answer the tugging at his heart about going to seminary to be a youth pastor. It’s still in the planning stages of how and when to go about this, but just the fact that he’s made the decision to do it and research it more is great in my eyes!

So that’s where I’ve been and where we are now. Some days I feel like I’ve got this parenting thing down and the next I wonder what in the world am I doing being responsible for 2 other lives! As Mark told me at 1am last night…”this too shall pass.” I know that while this is a busy and tiring season of life,  I’ll look back and miss it.

And while I’m in this season, this is my prayer. It makes me feel stronger every time I read it!

“I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through His spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.” Ephesians 4

Want to win an ErgoBaby Carrier? My good friend Kelley is holding giveaway over on her blog! The Ergo carrier has lots of great reviews and I know I would love one to carry Jaxson around comfortably :-)

Jaxson is 2 month old today. Mark and I were telling each other yesterday, how it feels like he’s been with us forever yet at the same time it feels like he just arrived, too. Funny thing that sense of time! 

We are much more settled into a routine now, especially since Savannah started school back after the holidays and I have been working on getting Jaxson on a routine with Baby Wise. Kids thrive off routine, and I do much better as a parent with a routine too so life is feeling more manageable now. Especially now that my baby blues are better, thanks to some help from placenta hormones. Never thought I would do that because I know it sounds gross, but I was desperate to feel happy again and it made a HUGE difference! I’m still up a lot during the nights with Jaxson but some nights blow me a way with a stretch of 4 or 5 hours at a time. Now, if I would just go to bed earlier I could enjoy more of that chunk of sleep! Savannah was a horrible sleeper as a baby because she was so dependent on me, and still is some nights (like last night she was up 3 times needing me to put her back to bed!) so it thrills me that Jaxson is already headed in the right direction with sleep. Of course we still have nights where I’m up every hour like last night…but I’m okay. It amazes me how this time I’m much more relaxed about not getting sleep (I guess because I already knew what it would be like?) and how I can still function on so little. Its totally worth it to wake up to his coos and blue eyes!

 Last week a friend of mine helped me get some newborn-ish pictures since I had a falling out with the photographer I had paid to do it with my maternity/newborn package. Let me just say, trying to get a 7 week old to pose is hard stuff and it took the entire day between feeding Jaxson and our other kids,  comforting him when he fussy, setting up new shots as the natural light changed, etc.  He would not stay asleep for the sleepy newborn poses (we got lucky at the very end of the day), he was very wiggly and was more stiff than a fresh newborn since he’s learned how to use his little muscles. All of this is why they say take them within the first 2 weeks. (*ahem* trying not to go into a rant here!). We did get some really good ones though, they may not be the fresh-curled-up-sleepy-newborn I had envisioned when I bought my photo package, but since he was a little bit older she captured his budding personality and cute baby smiles really well. I love them! She took the pictures with my camera and I edited these below, I have yet to see the ones she edited but I can’t wait to see since we both have different styles and ideas :-)

I really could stare at his sweet face all day long.

Like I said before, 2010 was a fabulous year for me. I realized though after posting that there was so much more to it than just materialistic things like our new house, car, and my graduation diploma…there were prayers answered. It was God-filled. While certainly I feel like God blessed us with being able to purchase our own house and replace my falling apart car with a new one…things happened in 2010 that cannot be bought for any price. 

I can easier admit now that after my miscarriage of the twins, I was left doubting God and quite frankly was angry at Him. How could he take away my babies? I am fertile-myrtle, things like that don’t happen to me! Strangely though, I did have peace in their loss even as it happened and knew that it happen for a reason, but I still held on to blaming God for that hurt in my life as time went by. Thankfully though, God has used Jaxson’s pregnancy to help me overcome that, to trust Him again and prove that He is still trustworthy even when things don’t happen as we think they should.  Essentially, I feel He has used Jaxson’s pregnancy and birth to bring so many blessings and answered prayers in my life this past year. I clung to God as I found out I was pregnant with Jaxson because otherwise fear overcame me that I would lose that pregnancy, too. As many of us know, that desperation of no where else to turn is what brings us closer to God, and I’m thankful for that even though its hard!  Then, as Jaxson’s birth neared I clung to Him even more as I prepared to give birth the way I felt He intended it to be…naturally. As a result, He put so many wonderful people and resources in my path that helped me through my journey and were a huge support.  I truly feel like God was present at Jaxson’s birth, from giving me the strength to do it naturally, to watching over us as Jax came out with the cord around his neck four times and myself bleeding too much afterward.  Many people, especially family, were skeptical or worried about Jaxson’s birth and us using a birth center outside of the hospital but I felt in the depths of my heart that God had promised this birth to me in the way I desired and I held onto that promise.  He was our strength and protector.

Also, a huge answered prayer was a simple one: friends. Being a young Mom and wife, a birthmom, a Christian, etc. I have often felt like I don’t always “fit in.”  Really, more like caught in the middle.  Especially when I was still in college, I wasn’t a typical collage student that partied or lived near campus to be able to join in with people I met in classes. I went to school and went straight home to my baby girl and husband, and that was totally fine with me! But, it also felt odd to try to get to know women who did have a husband and kids because I am, well, usually a lot younger than them. Not that it bothers me at all to hang out with people older than me, but I just don’t want to be judged by my youngness. My life style was a mix of the “young” crowd and the “stay at home mom” crowd but with no one place to accommodate both. So, basically, Mark and I were our own best friends and my only other close friends lived hours and states away like Breannaor Victoria. I know my online friendships have value and are blessings in themselves but, of course, I really craved having someone (or a few someones!) that I could get to know really well locally. I wanted to be able call someone up for coffee each week or have a playdate with our kids while we chatted. I seriously prayed for years that God would bring some one that 1) was Christian that I could have spiritual conversations with 2) had kids so they understood my lifestyle.  And finally, in 2010 that happened. Not one, but several friends (thanks to my favorite Mommy Network!) that I can call and vent things to, to pray with me, to encourage each other, to watch our kids play together…such huge blessing! Now in 2011 I pray that Mark can find that same connection with men in our area because I know he is feeling just as I was and I know its hard at times. Life with friends to share and do things with is much sweeter!

So, in 2011 I pray that we are even more God-filled. That I can grow closer to God, to go to chuch more than 1 time a month, break out of my shell to actually get connected and know people, like through a small group. I pray that I can have a heart to serve just as others have helped me this past year when I needed it. I pray Mark feels that calling to God too, gets connected with others, and we in-turn grow together as a married couple in Christ. I pray that this year we truly realize that our body is a temple and we should treat it that way…therefore eating healthier as a family. I pray Savannah continues to grow in and learn about God (more on that soon!). I pray all my kids, whether with me or not, are safe, healthy, and know they are loved by me and God.

Seriously, 2010 was the best year ever. In so many ways. I sit here with a sleeping baby boy in my lap, warm and cozy in my house, a diploma in my possession resembling goals met and hardwork, beautiful snow on the ground, playdates planned for later this week, and I can’t help but feel blessedly fuzzy inside. Thank you, God, for everything. I know 2011 can be just as filled, if not more, with us clinging to Him as our foundation.

And…we’re back to baby and birth talk! I had one last thing to share about my birth experience that I think helped me get the birth I desired: Gentle Birth Formula. Since I was induced with Kaylee and Savannah, my midwife suggested I take a supplement as birth neared to help my body prepare itself and hopefully give it a little nudge in the right direction.  I did my research and found this one seemed to have the best results (this forum post was a huge help to read people’s real experiences!) and, of course, got it approved by my midwife before taking it.

So what is it? It’s a mix of herbs that is supposed to help your body prepare for labor. You start taking 1/4th a teaspoon at 35 weeks once a day and then build up to taking it 3 times a day until you give birth (I’ve heard you can take it after birth to help your uterus go back down and help with bleeding as well). However, I didn’t start until 37 weeks and I went straight 3 times day since I was technically full term.  And no, it doesn’t taste horrible since you mix it in a glass of water. I found it easier to take in a small gulp of water rather than an entire glass because it does leave a funky taste if you are constantly sipping on it. It comes in 3 different formulas, I went with the original because I knew Red Raspberry Leaf was great for toning the uterus (and was getting tired of drinking the tea every day!) and I felt comfortable with taking Blue Cohosh because I didn’t have high blood pressure. But, there are two formulas that leave those ingredients out if you need.

While I still went over my due date by a week, I truly think these herbs made a huge difference in my birth experience. Why? Let me count the ways.

This is what Gentle Birth Claims to do:

• Less Pain during labor and delivery
• Advanced Dilation before discomfort was felt
• Shorter and Easier Labor
• Shorter Recovery Time

And how did my experience stack up? Yes, yes, yes, and maybe.

While I certainly felt pain during labor, it never was unbearable. Sure, that could also be because I spent weeks learning how to relax myself and not fear the pain, but I could tell a difference in how the pain even felt compared to  Kaylee’s and Savannah’s labor before I asked for an epidural with them. Like, the fact that I was in full on active labor and then pushing without screaming for an epidural should say something because with Kaylee and Savannah I barely got to 3 or 4cm and I was ready for it. Advanced dilation before discomfort? I’d say so! I was a whopping 6 cm before real labor kicked in, mostly due to the fact that I had weeks of prelabor but each episode of prelabor/false labor that lasted a few hours or less brought me closer to the magic number 10 without much pain. Of course, it was annoying to keep thinking, “This is it! Oh, it stopped.” But, it made progress, I learned something new about labor with each episode, and that made it worth it in the long run.  I also never experienced any of that with Kaylee or Savannah, I had braxton hicks occasionally but I never thought I was in labor or even got past 1cm before going in for my inductions. Shorter and Easier labor? Yup. From the time real contractions started at 5:30pm to Jaxson being born at 10:07pm, it was only 4 and a half-ish hours. Again, this wasn’t like my previous two births where it took 12 hours to get from 1-10 hooked up the pitocin. And obviously, already being at 6cm helped speed things along too. However, my recovery time, while in some ways shorter like postpartum bleeding time and afterpains were much milder, I did have a harder time because I lost so much blood after birth and my iron was extremely low. Once I got my iron boosted back up, I felt much better though physically.

So, that pretty much wraps up my birth experience and what I found helpful in preparing for a natural birth. I definitely recommend this product whether you are seeking a natural birth or not because it does seem to make a difference in preparation to make birth easier. Of course, there are other things you can take or do to prepare your body, like drinking Raspberry Leaf Tea or taking/inserting Evening Primrose Oil and that can be found easier in local stores if you don’t want to shell out 30 some dollars for Gentle Birth. It was worth it to me though :-)

Seriously though, do the research and check with your doctor or midwife first before taking this or anything else.

I am in awe that today is the last day of 2010, and it honestly brings a little sadness to see this year end because it easily has been the best year ever in my life.

To kick of the new year we bought our first house and learned a lot on the way. Savannah turned 3 in February and a few days later we found out we had baby number 2 on the way. I struggled with trusting that this baby would grow healthy after our miscarriage in 2009 and felt like gagging for weeks (leading us to suspect we had a boy this time around). I graduated from college! I didn’t blog about it, but I got a new car as well to replace my 18 year old handme down. As my pregnancy continued to thrive I switched to a midwife to get the birth I desired. We found out the baby was indeed a boy and we named him Jaxson with an X.  I craved spinach and got maternity photos taken. Savannah started preschool!  As I my belly grew, we stocked up on cloth diapers and prepared his room. I thought my water broke, but it didn’t, and I dealt with weeks of prelabor symptoms. On my November 5th due date I experienced false labor and then dealt with the emotions after. And finally, on November 12th Jaxson made his arrival! Since then it’s been an emotional but wonderful ride through the holidays as new parents of two.

In short: A house, a car, graduation, a baby. 2010 was full of blessings! I don’t know what 2011 has in store after such a fantastic year, but 11 is my favorite number so I’m hoping its just as wonderful in different ways (I mean, I know we won’t be buying another house, car, or graduating again!). And most importantly, I hope 2011 is God filled as our family seeks Him more in the new year.

Happy New Year!

I know I don’t write about adoption much anymore with this whole pregnancy/birth/Mom of 2 thing happening the past year…but it’s been on my mind lately thanks to MTV’s 16 and Pregnant. I went back and read through my journals from when I was pregnant with Kaylee and after placement and I decided it might be beneficial to switch gears away from Mommyhood sometimes.

For starters, we had a Kaylee Christmas visit December 11th. It was amazingly fun as usual! It’s funny though, the older I get the more I end up spending most of my time socializing the with adults rather than spending time with Kaylee. And that’s partly because Savannah and Kaylee run off to play before I barely even get to say hi!  Kaylee did get to meet her new brother though and held him a time or two. The good thing about hanging out with Kaylee’s parents is that I get to hear all the stories about Kaylee, how school is going, her crazy habits that are very similar to me or my sister, and the fact that wants her hair to grow darker like mine is. Good stuff!

As both of our families have gotten busier and busier each year, we have a hard time keeping in touch except around birthdays and holidays it seems. Plus, Kaylee doesn’t really talk on the phone much. So, they got me a web camera so we can Skype! I still haven’t hooked it up yet but it’ll be neat to “see” each other and talk more often if our schedules can align.

I love that Savannah and Kaylee are “best friends.” Totally melts my heart! Savannah counted down the days for a week and every day (a 100 times a day!) asked if we could go NOW? She was so excited to give Kaylee the gift she picked out just for Kaylee. Our Christmas visits are one of my favorite days of the year, probably because we have formed our own traditions each year and for one day we’re one giant family all together :-)

If I had gotten around to getting cards printed, this would be the picture. Consider this your Christmas card from us :-) Merry Christmas everyone!

I can’t believe it…Jaxson is a month old. Where, oh where, does time go?

Things are busy here as you can imagine, lots of diaper changes and feedings, chauffeuring Savannah to school and trying to get out more to see friends. Not to mention Christmas, ah! If you’ve read the past few years, Christmas cards are kinda a big deal to me and I can’t sit down long enough to focus on ordering them. And trying to figure out gifts for all our family? It’s a tad overwhelming!

Actually, life in general has felt overwhelming at times the past month. I definitely had 2-3 weeks of baby blues and it made it hard to enjoy these quickly passing moments. I could handle my job as Mom to Jaxson easily, because I love nurturing, feeding, etc. but I felt like everything else was overwhelming to take care of, including Savannah. Savannah in turn I think fed of off that feeling and was having a hard time…we fought all day long for weeks. I would just cry, feeling like I was failing at being her mother. I haven’t been raising her to act like this, have I?! I felt like I couldn’t effectively be her Mom and give her what she needed (which probably was just more time alone with me and a gentler mother) and didn’t see how we could get back to being in that “grove” we were in before. Both of our routines were thrown off and it was hard! For example, we used to snuggle every night and I would scratch her back before she fell asleep, but I physically could not climb into bed with her after birth since I was recovering or needing to feed Jaxson just as she was able to go to bed. I would become weepy at any time and in general just didn’t feel like myself. I wanted to enjoy this family and life of mine, but it was hard to enjoy anything but taking care of Jaxson.

I also had a really hard time thinking about how my pregnancy and delivery was over. Part of it I know was that it was my focus for months, preparing my body and mind for delivery and suddenly it was done and over. I am certainly happy Jaxson finally made his arrival but I already miss being pregnant! I couldn’t unpack my bag that I took to the birthing center for 2 weeks, I couldn’t think about my midwife or look at my pregnancy clothes without crying. It was strange to me, I hadn’t felt that way about Kaylee or Savannah’s birth. I feel very, very attached to Jaxson’s birth because it was everything I wanted it to be and it is really hard knowing it’s over and perhaps I will never get to experience anything like it again if he is our last child. Finally, what really brought me to my lows of all lows was Jaxson getting his circumcision done at 3 weeks. I struggled with the decision, but it was important to Mark so we did it. I sobbed all day long, hating that I put my little innocent boy in pain for what felt like no reason. Thankfully my sweet friends helped me find peace in the decision, after all, what is done is done! But, after spending all day really crying I woke up feeling like a new person. I think being able to let myself cry, not just weepy little tears, helped me get out all those emotions I was trying to stop from happening (That, and a lot of prayers!). I suddenly felt much more normal and *gasp* happy! And, Savannah has been a new person as well which makes life so much easier. After 3 weeks we began to find our grove again. I still feel like I have a long way to go to really balance this Mom of 2 thing, being a wife, keeping up with laundry and dishes, etc. but it is nice to be in a place of optimism again rather than a dark hole.

As for Jaxson, I’m amazed at how quickly he is growing. He was born at 8 pounds and almost has gained a pound a week since then. Super Momma milk! He outgrew all his newborn clothes within 2 weeks and now is in 3 months, I keep telling him to slow down but he doesn’t listen. Savannah has always gained weight slowly, always wearing the size that coordinated with her age (6 months at 6 months old, etc) so it is strange to have such a quickly growing boy! He is starting to smile at us, it’s a rare occurrence still, but it melts my heart every time. Savannah is thriving in her role as a big sister now that we are getting over some of the jealousy. She loves to help take care of him, she snuggles with us in the mornings, gives him lots of kisses, and even shares her beloved blanky with him. We also are now doing cloth diapers a lot more now that his belly button and circumcision has healed and he has gained some weight so they fit better. I hate prefolds (I feel like I can’t get a good fit and they’re SO bulky), but am loving GroVias and Kawaii’s (shown below) now that he can fit bigger diapers.

Looks just like his Daddy, right?

Jaxson’s pregnancy was different in so many ways, not just because he was a boy and I felt physically different than with Kaylee and Savannah, but because of the care I chose during pregnancy. After two pregnancies with OBGYNs, two hospital births, two pitocin inductions, and two episiotomies I wanted something different. Not just in how I envisioned the birth to be, but in the attention and care I got through the 9 months as well. I did see an OBGYN during the first trimester to ease my fears after losing our twins last year and my visits there only confirmed my desire for something more. Sure, the doctor was nice but I was tired of waiting 45 minutes just to be seen for 5 minutes . Tired of tests I was told I needed to do. Tired of feeling like just a chart and not a person. So, I took advantage of The Pregnant Woman’s Rights and I switched when I felt comfortable that Jaxson was going to “stick” and be healthy in the beginning of my second trimester.

I had actually been researching midwives to use since I found out I was pregnant in 2009 with the twins so I had already decided who I wanted and where I wanted to deliver. My midwife, I’ll call her D, works with a birthing center completely separate from the hospital and only consists of licensed midwives. It took Mark a little while to get used to the idea of not using a hospital for fear of the “what if’s” but once he met D he began to trust her as I did. The birthing center was a stepping stone in a way for us, it was a way to get the completely natural experience I wanted like a home birth would be, but it wasn’t our home (which we both weren’t ready for). The differences between the OB and midwife care was apparent from the very beginning, even back in 2009 when I would email her questions about my miscarriage.

1) I loved that I could email or call her directly if I had questions or needed anything. I called her a million times to  inform her about contractions starting or stopping, to ask about cold remedies, questions about baby movements, my family concerns when I was overdue, etc. 2 weeks postpartum I still call her with concerns about Jaxson or postpartum things. It is so nice to get a quick response and not going through nurses, waiting hours for phone calls back.

2) I have only ever had her for my care and she was there the entire labor/delivery. D was the one who did my prenatal appointments and I knew she would be at my delivery. No doctor rotations, no hoping you get the doctor you like when you go into labor, no doctors popping in and out when its convenient for them, no hoping the nurse you get is a good one. So because I had her for every appointment and through the entire labor we both got to know each other much better than a typical doctor/patient.

3) Which brings me to my next point that prenatal appointments lasted much longer than a doctor appointment. Actually, technically it would be shorter since I practically never had a waiting time to be seen. But, meaning she was checking the baby and we were talking for good 20-30 minutes. I loved there wasn’t a rush in-rush out feel with her, she took her time. And again, having this extra time let me (and Savannah since she came to all my appointments and was often included in checking on the baby) get to know D more on almost a friend level.

4) I had options and could make decisions. In typical OB care, you are told what tests to take when, what shots or blood work you need, what the baby needs after birth, etc. as “preventatives,” regardless of whether you or your baby is at risk for the issue or not.  I loved that since I had no sugar in my urine or any other signs of gestational diabetes, I didn’t have to get the test done!  I also had the choice at 28 weeks if I wanted to get the rhogam shot as a preventative in case I had a car accident or something that would cause my blood to mix with Jaxson’s since I am RH-. Having had two other pregnancies, I thought I needed it or something horrible would go wrong and at first I was going to get it just in case. But honestly, the price of the shot (over $100) made me think twice about it…why spend that money if we don’t need it? D helped me do the research and I asked several professionals their advice and all said it wasn’t needed during pregnancy (even a hospital labor and delivery nurse and a wife to a doctor!). And IF something happened, like a car accident, I still had a window of opportunity to get the shot. In the end, I chose not to get the shot during pregnancy (but needed it after birth and I did take that one) and while it was hard at first to let go of the doctor mentality that something horrible would go wrong…I’m glad I had that choice and glad I made the choice I did.

5) The atmosphere was so much more relaxing! Though the birthing center is in a business building, when you walk in it is very homey. Especially the birthing rooms, they are set up as bed rooms you would have at home with real furniture, dressers, colorful bedlinens, painted walls, curtains, etc. No uncomfortable hospital beds, it was so nice to share a normal queen size with Mark and Jaxson after delivery. I’m sure it was much more comfortable than the hard couch/bed thing Mark had when Savannah was born! The prenatal room was the same way, a twin size bed rather than those hard paper covered doctor tables.  There was also much less people around since the midwives split up their days in the office, so it was quiet even during the day.

6) The attention I got from D in all areas was different. Not just her being there when I needed something, but during visits she asked questions that went beyond what doctors seem to care about. She had me pay more attention to my diet by writing down what I was eating for a week, every visit she asked if I was drinking enough water, she cared about how I was feeling emotionally in the week after birth, she encouraged me to let my self rest and recover after birth (not climb stairs, not get out of bed for 24 hours, etc.) and let others take care of me. Our visits just feel much more in depth and, well, personal. I’m definitely not just a chart number any more.

7) My labor(s) and delivery were what really marked the difference though. Like I said, it was such a peaceful and relaxing environment. The lights could be turned low how I wanted them. I could move into positions that I wanted rather than being stuck in the bed with IV’s. I was encouraged to eat and drink as much as I could rather than being starved with only ice chips to eat, “just in case” I ended up with a c-section. When it came time to push I chose what position felt the best and I was able to be in the birthing pool. The only time D told me to change positions was when Jax was taking a while to fully crown and she knew gravity would help, so I moved from a semi-reclined position to squatting to standing. I also didn’t hear “PUSH PUSH PUSH!” a million times like you hear on TV. D knew my body needed time to breathe Jax down by itself first to prevent tearing so she didn’t encourage me to actually try to push until the very end. She also didn’t do an episonomy like the previous doctors did and let my body tear naturally (which ended up being 2 small shallow tears that didn’t need stitches, much better than episonomy recovery!). I loved that she let my body do what it needed to do rather than forcing it (same for during pregnancy, I would have been hooked up to pitocin or had a c-section after my stalled labor if I was at a hospital).

8) After birth was also a huge difference. After D unwrapped his cord from his neck, he was immediately passed to me and he stayed with me. No rough rubbing to clean him off or make him cry, it was very gentle and calm. We did skin-to-skin contact for hours afterward and we were encouraged to breastfeed as soon as possible (with Savannah she was taken away and it was 3 hours after birth before they brought her to feed!). Jaxson wasn’t weighed until probably 2 hours after he was born, until I was ready to let him be checked out (which is why he popped 3 times before he was weighed, so he probably was more than 8 pounds at delivery). He didn’t get the goopy gunk in his eyes, since I knew I didn’t have STD’s or an infection for him to contract (again with the choices!). Like I said before, all 3 of us were able to rest in one comfy bed and when I was finally feeling some-what better after my blood loss we were able to go home after only 12 hours of arriving the night before.

I could write much more I’m sure, but that’s the gist of the midwife experience I had. Of course, experiences vary from person to person, from different midwives or issues that may come up. For me, it was amazing in every way (even with the frustrations of weeks in prelabor!), from the beginning to present.  I’m so happy with the choices I made and the outcome, I feel much more “complete” in my birthing experience than I did with Savannah. I got the natural approach to pregnancy and birth I wanted, I have a healthy son, and I feel like I’ve met yet another goal of mine. I did it!

Would I do it again this way? Absolutely.