Jaxson turned 6 months old a week ago, I can’t believe it! How can half a year already have gone by? I’m sure the next 6 months will go by even faster as he keeps me even busier. And while I am enjoying watching him grow and learn new things practically every day…can time not slow down just a little?

He is officially mobile, doing the army crawl all around the house and starting to get into things he shouldn’t. Time to start baby proofing again! He’s a boy already…bonking his head often and doing strange things like getting his arm stuck in between the door and the door jam while scooting around (how?). Savannah was pretty good about not getting into cabinets, toilets, or getting hurt other than the typical skinned knees…but I predict Jaxson will be more of a handful!

He’s still a pretty content and happy baby and loves his big sister, she can always make him smile. Now that his 2 bottom teeth have popped though he’s more on the fussy-don’t-put-me-down side, but its not too bad.

We’re still dealing with food allergy issues, but thankfully we are a few steps closer to keeping it under control. Well…if I could stop my weakness for eating things that give him flare ups! The dermatologist helped us figure out it was dairy, eggs, and nuts and his face has cleared up a lot but not 100%. I’m wondering if there is more to it like soy or citrus but I haven’t taken them out of my diet yet…its hard enough eliminating 3 major ingredients and I’m trying to get a handle on that first.

Thankfully…there are lots of alternatives to the things I love (if I make the effort to go to the right stores). Like chocolate ice cream made with coconut milk or soy (Oh my gosh, so good!). Or pancakes with an egg replacer. Eating at home isn’t the problem, its when we eat out or traveling, its hard to avoid the allergens even if I think I’m avoiding it. But, like I said before, its worth it to keep breastfeeding!

These were taken on Easter, he’s grown a lot since last time I posted a picture at 2 months old! Both Savannah and Jaxson are getting so big and looking older :-)

For the most part I feel peace about the miscarriage I experienced back in 2009, as do I about my adoption experience. I felt and saw the hand of God during those times and that only strengthened my faith and brought me the peace I needed, and still need, about those hard times. But some times…sometimes…grief strikes again like a quick flash of lightening. It usually only happens for a minute, but its enough to bring me back to those dark moments, remembering what it was like in those uncertain and heartbreaking times. Times of completely surrendering to God because there was nothing else I could do, I had no control.

Today was one of those moments. I’ve been reading Heaven is for Real: A Little Boy’s Astounding Story of His Trip to Heaven and Back and besides being completely fascinating, it has brought healing and answers to questions I’ve had on my heart for years. I can’t put it down! (except to write this, of course.) What has fascinated me most though is how the little boy Colton describes people he met while he was in Heaven, people he never met on earth and sometimes didn’t even know about until he went to Heaven. One was a little girl who wouldn’t stop hugging him…his sister that her mother had miscarried before he was even born. “‘It’s okay, Mommy,’ he said. ‘She’s okay. God adopted her.” And it hit. Flash. Tears came and I had to tear my eyes away from the book to cry into my hand and pray.  I know my twins are okay. I’ve written poems that came straight from my soul, visions of them free and dancing happily in Heaven. But, I miss them.  To hear a little boy meet his sister and see without a doubt that she is a child of God and that she is okay is confirmation to me, just as it was for Colton’s mom. They’re okay, they’re loved!

What tore at my heart though was what came the next page over. Colton’s mom asks what the little girl’s name was since they had miscarried her before they knew she was girl. “She doesn’t have a name. You guys didn’t name her.” My twins don’t have a name either. They are running (or flying as Colton said) around in Heaven nameless. And it hit me…I need to name them. I’ve felt this for a long time, but without truly knowing their sex I’ve held off doing so. All I have are the dreams I often have of them while I sleep, it’s always one boy and one girl who come out of my tummy early but are always okay. Fitting, huh? Again, its one of those confirmations that brings peace. I’ve always felt it was a boy and girl, but the ultrasound showed them in the same gestational sac, so they would have been identical and therefore would have had to be the same sex from my understanding. But, maybe I don’t understand it. Only God knows, and I feel like I should trust the visions I feel He’s given me of them.

I know this story is about Colton’s family, but I feel like God has used it to speak to me too. It’s like a little message from my twins or my Paw-Paw, that they’re waiting on the other side cheering me on and waiting for the day we can reunite. I feel like I’ve gotten a glimpse of them just as Colton has and it brings so much joy. And while I wait to be with them again this book has shown me to keep having faith, peace, and trust that God is very real and so are His promises, that I will get to hold my babies one day and spend eternity with my dear friends and family that have passed away. That we’ll meet Jesus and fly and see rainbows. That there is a place far beyond what we can imagine with no pain. Colton told his Mom, “Yeah, she said she just can’t wait for you and Daddy to get to heaven.” Oh, my babies, I can’t wait to go there too!  To meet you, to finally hold you, to truly know you.

Until then, they need a name. A name for Jesus to call to them in Heaven and so I can call to them when I finally arrive.

(P.S. I highly recommend this book whether you are a believer in Christ or not! It is very well written and the story encompasses you. Go read it!)

(Just so you aren’t confused…I wrote this the same night as the last post, Forming the Adoption Puzzle, but this deserved its own separate post. Plus, I wanted to space out posts since I’ve been slacking lately :-) So, pretend its Friday April 15th again!)

Pregnancy, birth, and all things tiny-newborn-cute  has started to consume me again. I know, I still have a completely adorable and happy 5 month old baby upstairs blissfully sleeping, but I can’t help myself. There is seriously some hardwired momma gene in me I can’t just turn off. And no, I’m not pregnant. But, after months of talking Mark has finally officially agreed to having a 3rd child down the road, so just the thought that I will get to experience the amazingness of pregnancy and natural birth again (God willing, of course) has had me doing a happy dance all week. Of course, ideally I’d like to wait awhile to let my body heal and to enjoy the sweet baby that Jaxson is so don’t expect a baby bump on this blog any time soon!

That said, tonight (along with our adoption talk) Savannah revealed something else to me that I hadn’t known she thought about in her little girl mind. I told you, it was a serious discussion night during our snuggle session. In the book we were reading, the sister goes to the hospital to visit her Mommy and new baby brother and she stopped me while reading.

Savannah- “Mommy, why did she go to the hospital?”

Me- “Well, that’s where she went to have her baby. Just like when I went to the birthing center to have Jaxson.”

Savannah- “But, why didn’t I get to go to the birthing center?”

Me- “Did you want to?”

Savannah- “Yeah, I wanted to watch him come out.”

Whoa!  Like, whoa in a good way. I debated whether I wanted Savannah in the room or not when Jaxson made his debut, but I hadn’t done the whole natural-birthing-thing before and I didn’t even know what it would be like myself.  I didn’t know how I’d react to the contractions, the noises I’d make, if I would be straight up scary to be around, etc. and I just didn’t feel comfy with anyone else in the room except my husband and midwife. But, it melted my heart to hear her say that she wanted to be there. It makes sense to me that she would want to, after all she was there for every prenatal appointment, she felt his kicks and sang to him every night, we watching baby stories on TV and talked about birth. She was very involved with his pregnancy and it fascinated her, why wouldn’t she want to see her baby brother come out?  Next time, I think it would be neat for her to experience it. I feel like I know more now that I’ve lived it, that I could do my birthing thing with her observing the miracle nearby. I want to raise her to not fear child birth, that it’s a natural thing that God so beautifully designed. I want her to know that it isn’t painful if we let our body do its thing. What better way to teach her that, than to show her that? Society teaches about birth differently and in a much different light…I’d rather her see it for what it is, not what the way culture would have her believe it is. This article explains why its beneficial to have children present. Yeah, its not a choice for everyone just like natural birth isn’t everyone’s cup of tea, but its one I’m willing to explore.

Also, every time we talk about having another baby she insists it will be a girl. Tonight when I told her she might be able to watch next time, “Then I’ll have a baby brother AND a baby sister living with me!” Hopeful? Or intuitive? Like I said though, don’t expect a baby bump around here any time soon!

There is something about this 4 year old age and adoption. Wheels in their little heads start turning and they start to put the puzzle pieces together. They seem to start understanding who is who, the roles they play, and kinda-sorta understand what it means in a 4 year old way. I’ve seen it blossom in Kaylee in our visits since about this age (The defining moment in my mind was when I walked in the door and she shouted, “My birthmother!” instead of “Miss Leah!”) and now Savannah is reaching this point, too. Its interesting to watch her take in this information and begin to process it in a new light of better understanding…and its also heartbreaking to watch.  Because now, Kaylee isn’t just a girl she calls her sister for the fun of it, she’s getting why she is her sister and perhaps even the life they could of had together if she lived with us. She’s understanding that she really is her sister, but doesn’t live with us and she seriously misses her. I do too, baby, I do too.

Most days our talks about Kaylee are happy conversations. Usually they involve talking about Kaylee’s clothes or shoes because we have her entire hand-me-down wardrobe and Savannah proudly wears them (and if we want Savannah to wear or do something we say, “This is Kaylee’s FAVORITE!” Oh, the tricks of parents). But tonight? It was serious.  Tonight we read a book about adoption called  Sam’s Sister by Juliet C. Bond and while this story isn’t our adoption story, I think it still helps Savannah understand why Kaylee is her sister and how special their relationship is. In this book, a little girl tells the story of when she was five her mommy had a baby boy and chose an open adoption. So, its kind backwards from our story in that Kaylee was placed first and then I parented Savannah, but it still talks about the adoption choice, the emotions that go along with it, how they are connected, and always will be siblings even if they don’t live together. I could tell though when reading, as she stopped to ask questions, she was experiencing for the first time (to my knowledge) truly feeling the sting of adoption just as the sister and mother were in the book.  We sat in her bubble gum pink bed, snuggling and reading this book with a heavy heart missing Kaylee just as the little girl and Mom in the story were in one drawing. Yes, I boast about the blessing that adoption can be and how wonderful our relationship/experience is…but it comes with a price. That doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt sometimes, that we aren’t sad, or never miss her.   We do, and it comes in unexpected moments like this. Still, I pray as she is understanding how adoption works in our lives, that she sees the many blessings it has provided not just for Kaylee, but for us as well.

After all…how cool is it she wears her sister’s old clothes and shoes even when they live in different homes :-)

Have you noticed, I haven’t posted any pictures of Jaxson since oh…January maybe?  I have a confession: I’m embarrassed. I haven’t even taken many of his 3rd and 4th month :-/

See, it started when he turned 3 months old, he got one red spot on his little chubby cheek. No big deal, I thought it was just chapped cheeks from the extreme cold weather we were having at the time.  As the weeks went by it went from the size of a dime to the size of a quarter and then spread to his left cheek.  They both grew, started to ooze and scab. They itched him and I’d wake up to his crib looking like a crime scene since he kept digging at them throughout the night. It got bad, really bad. I tried various lotions and advice from fellow mommies. It began spreading to creases in his arms and legs. I eventually took him to a doctor that thought it was a yeast rash, but that medicine did nothing.  It just kept oozing and scabbing. I took him for a second opinion and he said, “Those aren’t yeast, that’s eczema that’s gotten  infected.” And thankfully, antibiotics got it under control to where it at least wasn’t oozing. But, the redness is still there since the cause of the eczema is still unknown.

We’re now playing the guessing game called, “What is Jaxson Allergic to?!” Let me tell you, I hate this game. He has only had my milk so whatever is bothering him is in my diet most likely (I suppose it could be something environmental). I’ve taken out dairy for starters since I noticed a flare up after having a glass of milk. I’ve taken out gluten. Now I’m wondering if it’s a nut allergy since when I drink my milk I mix it with chocolate Almond milk. And since taking out dairy and gluten I have heavily increased my nut intake to substitute and he’s still getting flare ups. We’ll see if this is the winning answer.  We are seeing an Allergist this Tuesday (on the day he turns 5 months old…*sob* Where is the time going?! Slow down time!) and while I know tests can be inconclusive at this age I’m really trying to be hopeful they can give us some answers.

I just want his cute little cheeks back!  I know it’s silly of me to be embarrassed by them, but I know people look when we are out in public and they ask questions.  I think it goes back to that fear of judgement that I have, like because he has these rashes I’m not doing something right or enough to take care of him. But, I know that’s not really true. Food allergies are common and I know I’m doing a lot to make it better, from appointments to drastic changes to my diet.  I gotta learn how to let these judgement issues go, eh? I can only do the best I can do!

Can I tell you though, he has grown so much since you saw him last (even you, my personal Facebook friends). He rolls and scoots all over the place. He’s lost all his dark hair (well, except one little V in the back) and he’s growing in some cute blondish-brown fuzz (feels like a tennis ball, I love rubbing his head!). He has my eyes, but also looks a lot like Savannah as a baby. He is a  super happy, smiley baby still. Everyone comments on what a great baby he is. He has started to really giggle and laugh when we play games, it’s great :-) Savannah is still my big helper and loves to be with Jaxson. His sleep is still wonky some nights but over all much better than it was. Maybe one day soon I’ll be brave and post his cloth diapered bottom-red cheek-blue-eyed cuteness.

Do you have any food allergy or eczema advice?

Jaxson is almost 4 months old now (when I started this post he was 8 weeks old!) and has been in cloth diapers almost exclusively for the past 3 months. How’s it going, you ask? Pretty awesome! I am loving cloth diapering and I love keeping extra $40 in my pocket a month not buying disposables!

I had planned to do cloth diapers from the very beginning but with my low iron after birth I didn’t have the energy to walk up the stairs, let alone keep up with diaper laundry. I also quickly learned that prefolds and covers weren’t for me, which were the majority of my newborn stash. I did like kissaluvs fitteds and prowrap covers though! But, I only had 2 so I just used them every now and then. He gained weight and cute leg rolls quickly and at about a month old we (*ahem*…I! Mark hasn’t changed one yet!) eased into cloth. I had enough for 1 day but wanted more so I could go longer between washings.  Mark’s coworkers gave us a  gift card that had more than enough  to double our stash (thanks guys!) from my favorite cloth diaper store Jack Be Natural (excellent customer service and rewards!).

I already had some Bumgenius from my short cloth diapering stint with Savannah, and had bought some Grovia hybrids and a Fuzzibunz, and I liked those, but I decided to try out Kawaii Baby diapers since I heard such great things about them and they are much cheaper! I’m all about getting more for my money. They are extremely similar to BumGenius or Fuzzibunz (depending on which style you get), I love them and are at the top of my favorite list. The Pure and Naturals are the trimmest cloth diaper I’ve used (very close to a disposable fit under clothes), but I prefer to use a fuzzibunz newborn insert to fit the smaller width better (which unfortunately only comes with a Fuzzibunz one size diaper and not sold separately, I looked). I also got some of Kawaii’s Minky Bamboo and they are my favorite for night time since bamboo is super absorbent yet the insert is really thin (and I’ll be honest I am too tired to change his diaper at ever night time feeding, so super absorbency is good!). They also are the softest thing I’ve ever felt.

So to sum things up that I’ve learned or liked about cloth diapering so far:

1. They really do keep in the breastfeeding poo’s better! Every single time he has had a famous baby poo-up-the-back-blow-out has been when he was wearing disposables. In fact, I can only think of maybe 1 or 2 times when his cloth diaper leaked pooped and even then it was only a tiny bit around the leg. I do find that pee will still leak around the legs or sides if I don’t change him soon enough (usually at night when not wearing a bamboo diaper). Still, I remember with Savannah having to treat so many of her clothes or my own sheets for stains at this exclusive breastfeeding stage and I don’t have to do that with his clothes!

2. Washing is easy and no big deal. I do a warm prewash, hot wash with Classic Rockin’ Green or Crunchy Clean, two rinses. Done. Everything goes into the dryer except the shells that I hang on this cool wire rack. Don’t ask me where I got it from, it came with our house. I almost threw it away because I was like, “What in the world would I use this for?!” But it’s perfect for drying cloth diapers inside and not taking up much space so I’m glad I held onto it. Also, our water bill hasn’t gone up much. I’d rather pay a few extra dollars a month in water than even more money on disposables that just get thrown away.

3. Have at least 2 wetbags! (or pail liners if you use a pail.) I use a Planetwise large hanging bag to store our dirty diapers and then it gets tossed in the wash with them. However, until recently I only had 1 bag so while it was washing I was left with a stack of dirty diapers sitting on Jax’s changing area. Granted, they don’t stink at this point because he is only breastfed but still….gross. It’s totally worth the extra money to have another one to keep rotating each wash. Plus, its nice to have a smaller one for your diaper bag when out on the go (which, cloth diapering on the go isn’t so bad either!).

4. He gets diaper rash from when we do use disposable diapers and wipes (which is very rare these days). There’s gotta be something to that! I feel better knowing those chemicals aren’t on him and bothering his skin 24/7.

5. I know some people worry about the “ick factor” of cloth diapers. At this point, its no big deal. I spray a cloth wipe with water, clean him, then shake out the insert into the wetbag. Occasionally, an insert needs help getting out and so I may have to touch a pee filled one but that doesn’t bother me. Right now breastfeeding poo’s are water soluble so no extra step needed, we’ll see how things change once he starts solids in a few months and the poop consistency changes. I know I’ll be investing in or making a diaper sprayer!

I think it is so neat how cloth diapering is catching back on in the parenting world :-) It really is very easy once you stop being overwhelmed by the choices and has so many benefits. I have many mommy friends that have taken the plunge and never looked back!

As I mentioned last time…I’m tired (I even yawned as a wrote that…). Jaxson’s sleep actually has gotten worse as he’s gotten older because we have gotten into the bad habit of breastfeeding to sleep. Remember I bragged that he would sleep 5 hours some times? Yeah, he stopped soon after I said that. The Baby Wise theory got chunked to the side (it was working before we got into this habit I can’t get him out of) because I couldn’t do the feed, play, sleep routine with him only falling asleep at feeding or in the car. No amount of swing time, trying to use a pacifier, rocking, crying it out, etc. was or is cutting it. I know nursing is one of the most comforting things for a baby (and a Mom!) so its an easy habit to fall into but it has wrecked havoc on our sleeping, both for naps and night time. And yes, I’ve tried just sleeping with him but that creates even worse sleep for me since I’m such a light sleeper and then he wants to eat even more! I’ve tried gentle approaches like the No Cry Sleep Solution but they take time to work because its slow steps at a time. And thus, I’m still exhausted even with somewhat of an action plan because it isn’t an instant fix.

Seriously, I counted one night and I was up 10 (TEN!) times between the 2 of my kids (Jaxson 8 times, Savannah 2 times). I’m not expecting to get a full nights sleep every night at this stage of parenting, I totally accept that parenting comes with night wakings for various reasons but TEN times a night is ridiculous. I would welcome even 2 times a night with open arms at this sleep deprived point. I feel like I’ve tried everything I can to encourage him to sleep more, but it fails. After a long day yesterday of him fighting his naps to the point of him being extremely over tired and uncharacteristically fussy…I had nothing else left to do but to pray. No where else to turn for help, but God.

Mark and I had tried for an hour to get him to sleep and stay asleep when we laid him down. Finally, I held him as he fussed and squirmed and said a prayer out loud. I prayed for the Enemy to flee and God to draw near, that I chose to believe that God promises us rest and will give us the rest we all need, I prayed that He would be everything that Jaxson was craving so that he would stay asleep: to be his pacifier and his warmth, to be the arms around him to bring the comfort he wanted to feel. As I started to pray this he was fighting sleep again, but he instantly fell asleep and stayed asleep as I laid him down. He then slept…get this! Five and half hours! That is the longest he’s slept in probably 6 weeks and oh, how nice it was! I know that God may not grant this prayer every time I pray it, but I truly believe that God will give me rest whether that means physically receiving it or simply providing the peace and strength to get through my day after a rough night. I know He heard my prayer and plea for physical rest last night though, praise God!

What’s awesome is that God is teaching this to me in so many ways right now. This message of resting in Christ has been surrounding me lately from church messages, to my Bible study, to discussions with friends. Clearly, God is trying to teach me something about simply trusting Him, coming to Him with my needs and allowing Him to provide the supernatural recovery and strength I need. I’ve been clinging to certain versus as I yawn my way through the day as a reminder of this promise. And like I said before…I know this phase won’t last forever and I want my heart to be in a peaceful place where I can enjoy this stage of life and everything that comes with it.

…But I could definitely use some more sleep.

I know it’s been over a month since there have been any posts…we’re alive, I promise!  As Mark and I have grown closer to God these past few months we’ve both felt convicted about idols. Guess what mine is? The computer. His is the Xbox and we’ve both been making an effort to back away a little bit and focus on family time more.  The moments when I do have time to write I’ve felt the call the read the Bible or something else more productive in my day (do the dishes and laundry ever end?!), or sleep. I wish I could find the perfect balance for life so it wasn’t so one sided, whether is too much me time or too much focus on the daily duties and not enough me time. If any of you figure out that balance, let me know how to do it!

So how have we been? Of course, my standard answer to anyone who asks has been, “We’re all good!” And yeah, in the grand scheme of life we are good because we’re all healthy, well fed, warm, loved, etc. but I admit some times that’s just a Supermom cover. I’m not always good. Jaxson is almost 3.5 months old now and the months of sleep dept has caught up to me. Gone are the days where I can get up every hour, run on adrenaline, and be happy all day long because I’m so in love with life (aside from that baby blues period!). Instead, I wake up all night long frustrated that both kids are waking me up several times a night just because they need Mommy to put them back to sleep again and therefore I wake up grumpy, which makes for a long and grumpy day for all. It’s a vicious cycle that obviously affects me personally, but also how I parent. I hate it, I don’t want to be a yelling mommy. I want to be a patient, gentle, loving-like-Christ-loves-us kind of Mommy. Consider this my cry for help. (Help! Books? Websites? Ideas? Bible Verses? Discipline ideas appropriate for a 4 year old?).

I’m going to be real honest here: My relationship with Savannah isn’t all that great, and especially has taken a slide since Jaxson has been born. Our relationship consists of lots of whining, yelling, tears, frustrations, etc. on both ends. Which, is another huge reason why I’m trying to step back from what I want to do during quiet moments like nap times and spend it with her. I’ve started doing some homeschooling with her on days she isn’t actually in preschool and making more of an effort to do things she likes, like play board games together. I know deep at the heart of our issue is love and respect; she wants love and I want respect (Anyone ever read that book? Who knew the parenting relationship could be similar to the marriage one!).  I need her listening ears to be turned on and I need my unconditional loving heart to be turned on! I don’t mean that I don’t love Savannah, that’s far from the truth, but I’m praying for a heart that can reflect that love even when it isn’t easy. I honestly feel like I’m failing her some times. But then, she’ll wake up the next day and magically have listening ears, polite answers, and a desire to be a helping hand AND sleep through the night. I know God must be hearing my prayers to have some good days every now and then!

As far as Jaxson goes, besides his sleep habits, he’s a fantastic baby. Everyone comments on how content and happy he is, and it’s so true. I could watch his big toothless grin all day long, he’s such a smiley baby! He’s growing very fast, already up to 14 pounds and definitely not newborn-ish anymore. He loves to sit up to look around (with help, of course) and he is really into grabbing things now (I considered growing my hair back out until he started grabbing it!). Its cute to watch him play with toys now! He is starting to show teething signs already so we have some odd cranky moments and lots of drool now. We are still cloth diapering and I still love it. I have a post I started over a month ago waiting to be finished all about the details of that. But long story short: I hate using disposables  now on the rare occasions I use them.

On the spiritual front though, besides feeling like I’m being attacked from all sides in my tired weakness, I feel like Mark and I are finally growing our roots as a family in God. He’s been going to a men’s small group each week, and I’ve been going to a women’s.  Getting to church each week is a different story though, I feel like The Enemy attacks the hardest Saturday nights when I need to rest to be able to function on Sundays! Despite that though, God has really opened doors to opportunities to get to know other believers in our area and like-minded Mommies for me and Savannah to hang out with. In fact, Mark has decided to finally answer the tugging at his heart about going to seminary to be a youth pastor. It’s still in the planning stages of how and when to go about this, but just the fact that he’s made the decision to do it and research it more is great in my eyes!

So that’s where I’ve been and where we are now. Some days I feel like I’ve got this parenting thing down and the next I wonder what in the world am I doing being responsible for 2 other lives! As Mark told me at 1am last night…”this too shall pass.” I know that while this is a busy and tiring season of life,  I’ll look back and miss it.

And while I’m in this season, this is my prayer. It makes me feel stronger every time I read it!

“I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources he will empower you with inner strength through His spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong.” Ephesians 4

Want to win an ErgoBaby Carrier? My good friend Kelley is holding giveaway over on her blog! The Ergo carrier has lots of great reviews and I know I would love one to carry Jaxson around comfortably :-)

Jaxson is 2 month old today. Mark and I were telling each other yesterday, how it feels like he’s been with us forever yet at the same time it feels like he just arrived, too. Funny thing that sense of time! 

We are much more settled into a routine now, especially since Savannah started school back after the holidays and I have been working on getting Jaxson on a routine with Baby Wise. Kids thrive off routine, and I do much better as a parent with a routine too so life is feeling more manageable now. Especially now that my baby blues are better, thanks to some help from placenta hormones. Never thought I would do that because I know it sounds gross, but I was desperate to feel happy again and it made a HUGE difference! I’m still up a lot during the nights with Jaxson but some nights blow me a way with a stretch of 4 or 5 hours at a time. Now, if I would just go to bed earlier I could enjoy more of that chunk of sleep! Savannah was a horrible sleeper as a baby because she was so dependent on me, and still is some nights (like last night she was up 3 times needing me to put her back to bed!) so it thrills me that Jaxson is already headed in the right direction with sleep. Of course we still have nights where I’m up every hour like last night…but I’m okay. It amazes me how this time I’m much more relaxed about not getting sleep (I guess because I already knew what it would be like?) and how I can still function on so little. Its totally worth it to wake up to his coos and blue eyes!

 Last week a friend of mine helped me get some newborn-ish pictures since I had a falling out with the photographer I had paid to do it with my maternity/newborn package. Let me just say, trying to get a 7 week old to pose is hard stuff and it took the entire day between feeding Jaxson and our other kids,  comforting him when he fussy, setting up new shots as the natural light changed, etc.  He would not stay asleep for the sleepy newborn poses (we got lucky at the very end of the day), he was very wiggly and was more stiff than a fresh newborn since he’s learned how to use his little muscles. All of this is why they say take them within the first 2 weeks. (*ahem* trying not to go into a rant here!). We did get some really good ones though, they may not be the fresh-curled-up-sleepy-newborn I had envisioned when I bought my photo package, but since he was a little bit older she captured his budding personality and cute baby smiles really well. I love them! She took the pictures with my camera and I edited these below, I have yet to see the ones she edited but I can’t wait to see since we both have different styles and ideas :-)

I really could stare at his sweet face all day long.