Oh, my sweet husband. He rocks. He does things to make my life easier and he’s great at little (and big) surprises.  I love that he knows what I like and then does it–for no reason other than he loves me. I’m trying to be more like him in that sense. He’s so romantic.

Like, last night he spent his night cleaning up the entire down stairs while I was away babysitting for a friend and he left me this sweet note. The dishes were done, laundry was folded that had been sitting there since Monday, floors swept, counters wiped, toys up. He’s a better cleaner than I am, we joke that he should be the Stay-at-Home-Dad and I go make the living. Speaking of being a Dad? He’s a fantastic one! He knows how to make our kids giggle like nothing else can. He makes up the best songs and can make anything a game. He’s very involved in their lives and I’m grateful for the man he’s always been, that he’s stuck with me all these years in our ups and downs (*ah hem* like teenage pregnancy). Many guys would run away from the responsibility on his shoulders at his age, but he carries them with strength. Especially as He’s growing closer to God.

6 years ago he saw me sitting alone at a bus stop at Appalachian State University and thought, “Some how I’ll know that girl.” Who would of thought I would end up his wife and we’d have this beautiful life together now? So thankful for God bringing him into my life!

I love you too, punk. Thanks for all you do and all you are.

As I opened my blinds this morning at 7:30, I knew I’d see them today. It had the early-morning-heavenly-sunlight-glow about it. As I was feeding Jaxson his oatmeal, sure enough one came out and then another…and another. Sometimes we see up to 6 deer at a time as they leap over the fence from their forest home to my grassy backyard.

The first day I saw them was just a few months ago when I was taking my trash out the back door, I stepped out with my bag and stopped. I was shocked to see a deer staring back at me a few feet away. I froze, willing the deer to stay and hoping I wouldn’t scare her as I went about my chore. The deer stopped and stared back for a few seconds and then went back to her gentle eating, trusting me not to harm her. It’s always a treat for us when they come, our whole family will stand at our kitchen windows and watch them in amazement at such peaceful creatures that seem to trust us with their presence.

So today, I’m thankful for deer in my back yard. Its like a love note from God, He knows how much it delights my family!

I’ll be honest…chocolate is one of my favorite things ever.

Dark, milk, semi-sweet, chocolate with caramel or peanut butter, truffles, chocolate ice cream, chocolate cake. Doesn’t matter…I just love it. Yum. (Not white chocolate though, yuck.)

Its kinda sad at times how happy chocolate makes my taste buds. I have to keep the whole moderation issue in check with my chocolate love. Some times Mark jokes that I like it more than him!

Tonight, I’m thankful for chocolate and how the simple joy of an awesome tasting treat can make my day just a little bit better.

Yes, I know today is November 2nd. I’m starting my journey of thankfulness a day late, so expect 2 posts today to make up for it! Get ready for some thankful sappiness , folks :-)

I’m going to start by simply being thankful for God, for all that He is and does for us.  Without Him all the things in the posts that will follow would be meaningless or simply wouldn’t exist in my life. I would have made different choices without His guidance, I’m sure. Starting with God seems only natural as that is where I aim to have my focus every day.

I’m grateful for His sacrifice, because I know I am certainly unworthy. I’m thankful that He has redeemed me and washed my slate clean.  I’m not that girl I used to be and it is only by the mercy of God that I am able to let go of that baggage. I’m thankful for everyday that He gives me to spend on this earth with the many blessings He’s provided, especially my family.

Most of all, I’m thankful that He is a God that we can have a personal relationship with, that He’s not just a bunch of rules to follow or religion wrapped in tidy a bow, but a Father who loves us and desires to hear from us. His rules have a purpose to protect us, just as I have rules for my kids, not just to keep us from having fun. He’s a Father who shows me that love every single day if I’m paying attention, whether through something in nature or a verse in the Bible that seems to be written just for me and found at the perfect moment.   I love that I can go to Him with anything– even when I’m angry at God! He already knows my heart…why not tell him about it? I love the peace He has provided me in the hardest situations in my life even when I was hurt and angry with Him, like my adoption and miscarriage, but also  in the simplest moments of my daily life.

He’s a Father that sets the example of how to parent my own children. He shows the importance of discipline and how crucial gentle loving words are even when I selfishly want to say other things. I’m thankful for that role model, I’m thankful I have a guide in the Bible…even if it is confusing a times!

Thank you for You, God. All that you are.

(Borrowed this picture from my dear friend, Leslie, who saw this beautiful sunset after a night of worship with our church. Just another beautiful reminder of His love and goodness!)

Did I mention that we officially have a walker runner? Jaxson has been taking steps since 9 months old and since then he hasn’t slowed down! Guess he wanted to keep up with his big sister, huh? He also has become quite the climber, he is into and onto everything. Boxes, chairs, tables, cabinets. He keeps us busy :-) I cannot believe his birthday is just a few weeks away! However, because he started walking early it seems like he already is a little 1 year old toddler…its like he fast forwarded through a good 3 months of baby-ness. It is definitely bittersweet to watch him grow up and learn things so quickly…

See! Can’t even stay still for pictures these days.

A few months ago, we had just gotten family pictures done and by chance we were offered the opportunity to try out Easy Canvas Prints around the same time. I couldn’t wait to get a canvas for our bare walls! We’ve lived in our house for over a year and half now and still don’t have much hanging up. Leaning on the wall just waiting for nails? Yes. Frames tucked in the closet begging for pictures to be displayed? Yes. So often, I get professional pictures done and then they just sit on Facebook or on a CD. I have literally hundreds of photos that need to be printed and that I’d love to hang up to enjoy daily, but I just haven’t done it. I’m glad this opportunity forced me to pull out a nail and fill up some wall space with one of my favorite pictures of our little family!

Easy Canvas Prints are just that…easy. 4 steps and you are done! You pick the size canvas you want, upload your image, select your border, then pick if you want any color finishing (such as making it black and white) or image retouching. Then its time to order! I think the hardest part is deciding which photo you want to display. I love that they have a whole idea gallery to get inspired! Or, maybe you don’t want a family photo, but more of an art piece? They have many prints that you can choose from with a wide variety of styles from nature to abstract. There truly is something for everyone here and the best part? It doesn’t cost that much compared to other canvas companies since they are constantly running discounts and contests, like on their Facebook page, that make it even more affordable.

I chose this picture of us in a 11 x 14 with a basic 3/4 inch thickness and a Mirror Image wrap so that it didn’t crop off too much around our heads and feet.

And this is the final product:

I’ll be honest, I’m disappointed at the quality of the print (its hard to tell at this size, click the image to make it larger). The image I submitted was a very high quality, high resolution photo taken with a professional photographer’s camera and yet the print came out very pixilated. It also washed out some of the coloring, especially in our skin tones and Jaxson’s light blond hair since the brightness/contrast/saturation seems to off and unflattering. My hubby and son are already white enough as it is!  This actually is the second print we got, the first one I really thought the pixaltion was a mistake, plus there were issues with the canvas itself because it wasn’t wrapped properly when shipped so it had creases on the print.  Thankfully, their customer service was excellent and they quickly sent a new one that was better wrapped for shipping!

Overall, would I recommend Easy Canvas Prints? Maybe. I really, really wanted to love this company but they clearly have some kind of printer or canvas fabric itself issue going on. Maybe other people have better luck with their prints, since thousands of people “like” them, it seems they do!  It appears that perhaps black and white photos come out looking better if you see their fan photos on facebook so maybe that would be a better choice. I’m glad Easy Canvas Prints as a website itself is easy to use, but the product is lacking in my personal experience.

I think the lesson here is you get what you pay for? This is a discount website, so expect quality that matches it.

This morning I had the privilege of sitting down and chatting with author Caroline B. Cooney (maybe you remember The Face on the Milk Carton?). Who knew that when I moved here a year and half ago, I would join an online mommy forum, meet a friend, and her mom would be a well known published author?  Not only that, but an author who’s writing I would devour in middle school, staying up well past my 11 year old bed time and reading until my eyes wouldn’t let me anymore. God knew and I’m certain He paved the way!  I’m sure He will continue to go before me as this novel on my heart becomes a reality. This task feels overwhelming at times, but I have to trust He will guide me because I’m absolutely positive He has a plan and purpose.

Coincidentally, that’s the number one thing I got out of our meeting today: how to not make it feel overwhelming. I often feel the urge to write, and then I sit down to type and words don’t come.  My thoughts get muddied with the big picture and I begin questioning my own ability at putting it all together (and God’s ability, too). But, she helped me realize  it doesn’t have to be perfect the first time I get the words out. It doesn’t even have to be written in order. Just write. She advised me that I write one paragraph/scene a day and throw myself into it with as much detail as I can. One paragraph? That sounds so much more manageable! After all, with 2 kids, managing a household, playdates, among other writing projects, its hard to find time for myself to work on this but I’m certain that I have a few minutes during naps or late nights to focus on just one scene as it comes to mind. She’s been writing for many years, with 3 now-grown kids of her own so she knows how hard it can be to find time and balance those roles. Its good to know that being an author with young children can work without pushing the kids to the wayside. Sure it might take longer, but it can be done.

She also threw me for a loop, making a suggestion to write the story as a completely separate fiction story and only some parts of the  adoption experience be drawn from my own life. Its totally different than the approach I was planning in taking, but that’s what the writing process is all about….revising ideas, perspectives, and words. It would still have the overall open adoption and godly message, but with a girl of a slightly different age, different home situation, different location, different appearance, etc. The idea is that I have more freedom since I wouldn’t be tied down to reality. I would be able to add more tension and subplots to keep readers interested in reading, yet still share the message that I feel needs to be shared.

I’m still sitting and praying on that idea of writing a whole different story because I feel strongly that God wants me to tell our story. But in a way, it feels freeing because part of what felt overwhelming before is knowing that as I write our story out I was going to have to dive into personal situations and personify important people in my life, like my parents or her birthfather. In reality this was a painful time for all of us, and while tension and not-so-easy times needs to be in the story, it doesn’t have to be exactly our story to still portray the message I’d like the world to receive.  I also don’t want important people in my life to feel hurt by how I portrayed them. So, these wouldn’t be my parents, they would be this fictional girl’s parents. They would be completely different people. This way, I can also dive into other perspectives, like the girl’s parents views or adoptive parents and not feel like I’ll be stepping on any toes. I feel like maybe this story could be more complete in a way just writing my story couldn’t be as a fiction. Like I said, I’m still mulling all this over and praying about it, I’m feeling very mixed. Its different, but ultimately, I know God will guide me to how its supposed to be.

What do yall think of that? I know many of you were looking forward to reading even more details of our adoption story, what do you think of this new perspective? 

Last Christmas, my wonderful Mom gave Mark and I the gift of a couple’s weekend away to a hotel in the NC Mountains, baby sitting by Grandma included. Sweet deal! 9 months later, we finally got to use it a few weekends ago in September.  I chose September because its my birthday month (I’m 24 now, woo!), the weather would be cooler and more fall-ish, plus Jaxson would be over 10 months old and less dependent on me. Boy, did I underestimate the stress on me though in leaving my breastfed-on-demand child. I worried for his comfort, would he be okay leaving me for the first time? Would I have enough milk stashed? Would he sleep at all in a new setting?! Regardless, we couldn’t back out of the trip for many reasons so I just prayed a lot and trusted in my Mom’s ability to take care of my kids and looked forward to quality quiet time with my husband.

So, here’s a few lessons I learned in the mountains:

1. My kids do just fine without me, if not even better. Jaxson actually slept through the night one time for my mom…not fair! But, it was a relief to know that they were doing great and comfortable in their new surroundings.

2. Salsa’s in downtown Asheville is one of the best mexican-ish style food I’ve ever had, probably because everything seemed so fresh and healthy! I thoroughly enjoyed my chicken empanada stuffed with veggies and side of black beans and fresh salsa. Amazing. Even my non-veggie-loving hubby was brave and enjoyed it.

3. French Broad Chocolates has the best chocolates. Ever. Sure, my little souvenir box of 6 chocolates was a lovely’ $13….but it was worth the price. Mostly. I had a few that weren’t good choices for my taste (strawberry balsamic? Gag). My favorites were the lavender and honey, salted honey caramel, and one other one that I can’t find online that had caramel as well. Oh my word…such goodness. I treasured those 6 chocolates and spaced them out for days to enjoy when I got home.

4. The Waynesville Inn needs to work on their landscaping. Sure, their golf course was in excellent condition and beautifully taken care of….but for those who wanted to watch or enjoy the mountain view? Well, lets just say some bushes got in the way. Seriously? Whose grand plan was this? It sure gave Mark and I a good laugh though! We did enjoy their row of rocking chairs on the patio instead, which was a lovely way to spend our mornings watching the fog uncover the hiding mountains, hand in hand.

5. We needed this. All tourism aside, Mark and I needed this trip. We hadn’t had a trip just the 2 of us in about 3 years. This weekend made us realize we need to do this more…simply treasuring each other’s company and having quiet. Maybe that doesn’t mean a mountain getaway or a second honeymoon, but at least more date nights regularly. It was so incredibly nice to just feel like us again– letting go of chores and work responsibilities, getting to eat my food while it was still hot, not having to worry about getting strollers out, or tag teaming who gets who into the car. It felt like…freedom. Not to say I don’t enjoy and love our kids– I’ll take cold meals and dirty dishes any day if it means I have their joy in my life. But, it was so nice to step back and breathe for 2 days and come back feeling refreshed and in more in love with my husband.

And that, makes us even better parents in the long run.

Thank you mountains, and thanks Mom!

“You are the light of the world- like a city on a hilltop that cannot be hidden. No one lights a lamp and then puts it under a basket. Instead, a lamp is placed on a stand, where it gives light to everyone in the house. In the same way, let your good deeds shine out for all to see, so that everyone will praise your heavenly Father.” Matthew 6:14-16

This has been the focus in our house lately, learning to let our light shine….even when its hard.

However, I didn’t find this verse until 2 days ago when I “accidentally” (are there any accidents when God is moving in our lives?) stumbled on it, the idea to focus on our lights actually came from the song “This Little Light of Mine.” Its one of Savannah’s favorites right now and the Holy Spirit has guided me in how to use it as a parenting tool. God is awesome like that, I needed help in my parenting and He provided it through a simple song.

See, we’ve had some behavior issues and parent-child disconnect lately with Savannah. Some issues are admittedly my own fault in that she has learned how to handle her daily life frustrations in the same way I do, like blowing things out of proportion and yelling (I confess!). I was tired of fighting battles everyday, I was tired of being a yelling mommy and feeling my anger spiral out of control while watching my daughter do the same. I absolutely did not like knowing that my unthoughtful words were wounding her spirit and heart, and in turn she was acting out and dishing out the same unkindness.  So, I felt like we needed to work on this together but wasn’t sure what to do to encourage a change in her behavior, let alone my own. Old habits die hard, huh?

It’s amazing to see how God can work when we humble ourselves! One day Savannah said in her giddy 4 year old voice, “You know my favorite part of that song, Mommy? The part where it says, ‘Don’t let Satan blow it out, NO! I’m going to let it shine’ because I love Jesus!” And that got me thinking  about this song a little deeper (blame the English major in me and the Holy Spirit’s wonderful prompting!) and how we each have “lights” inside of us. I imagine it to be like a candle light, softly dancing with joy, and providing a light to all that is near. Our light is not only our love and faith in Jesus, but its our choice to live as He’s called us so others can see Jesus in us. Specifically, we do that by loving each other and bearing spiritual fruits (patience, kindness, self-control, etc. Galatians 5:22-23). When we let anger, selfishness, greed, etc. take over that is letting Satan blow that light and love out.  As I strive to teach my kids how to not only “behave” but to know Jesus as a personal friend, I’m also striving to better myself as a person and soak in these lessons as well. It often goes hand in hand, me and my kids, we are on this learning path of life together.

So I said to her, “You know Savannah, when you aren’t obeying Mommy or Daddy and yelling at us when you get angry…that is letting Satan blow your light out.” And, what do you know, it stuck! The visual of us each having a light inside that can love has really sunk into her, she wants to be like Jesus and have her light shine. And now, in moments when she may be on the edge of no return after she dislikes what I’ve said, I gently remind her about her light. “Savannah, is your light blown out?” It happened just today when I told her we weren’t buying an Icee at Target and it stopped her in her “You don’t EVER buy me anything” dramatic tracks. In turn, she now is doing the same to me when I  I feel the heat of anger rising in me and that tone of voice starts creeping out. “Mom, I think you’re light is blown out.” It always snaps me back into focus on how God has called us to love, in gentleness and patience even when its hard, and how to be a better example to my children. I’m so thankful for her accountability.

The biggest result of this little lesson? It isn’t that she behaves better, listens more, or that I yell less. It is that we both genuinely have JOY in our hearts nearly every moment now, that glow of light is felt in me and I can see it in her big blue eyes too. Joy for Jesus, joy for life, joy for our mother-daughter relationship. I love asking her, “Is your light shining?” and watching her enthusiastically squeal “Yes!“  That is priceless.

One of the things I am most enjoying as a parent is watching Savannah grow, not just physically into a beautiful girl, but spiritually as well. She is teaching me things, keeping me accountable and how to live out our faith in a childlike way. I love it!

When I was a little girl, my Dad would sing to me. My Dad singing is a rarity, even in church with other voices surrounding him.  Maybe that’s why this memory is one of the best I have of him because it was a moment of him sharing a part of himself not many people would see, or maybe its because it was just pure silly fun. See, the song wasn’t your typical childhood song like ABC’s or a sweet lullaby to ease me into a relaxed sleep (that was my Stepmom, good memories there too!).

Nope.

It was about Rubber Biscuits and Wish Sandwiches.

What brings about this memory, you ask? Well, when I bought this onsie for Jaxson last summer while he was still baking in my belly, I bought it for the cute fake tuxedo (a fauxedo?) printed on it. Last week I put it on him since he is finally big enough to wear it and as he crawled away to reveal his fluffy bum…I realized it actually was a Blues Brother’s shirt. And from there, the memories came flying back with a woosh of a red mustang ride.

I vividly remember riding around in his 80′s red mustang…me with my blond hair probably in a pony tail and a super-sized sparkly bow and my Dad with a brown mustache and beard on his young 20-something face. We had a whole collection of CD’s I loved to pull from and make requests (Petra Praise, anyone?), but this song was the best. It always sent me laughing, at least I imagine it did as I think about it 20 years later. It was a Blues Brother’s song called “Rubber Biscuits” and it was a whole bunch of nonsense and jibberish. What kid doesn’t love nonsense?!

The best part was that my Dad would take his finger and move it up and down over his mustached lip so that he could sound like Dan Aykroyd singing this song. He knew all the dialogue and he could roll his R’s in “Rrrrrubber” It. was. awesome. My Dad’s a pretty quiet guy, like me, so I still find this memory such a strange and comforting one at the same time. Strange in the fact that it is sooo unlike him, especially now as our relationship has changed over the years, but comforting too because that’s who my Dad was when I was little.  Ah, childhood! Where singing with your dad on a car ride could make the world seem like a lighter, better place. I didn’t have the greatest childhood, but moments like these made it seem like it wasn’t so bad.

Thanks, Dad. You’re still awesome even if you don’t have Blues Brothers in your CD player anymore. It’s my turn to pass on this crazy song to my kids and be goofy with them (minus the mustache) to brighten their childhood days. And, I certainly think of you every time Jax wears that shirt!