24 weeks and feeling great! My only complaint every now and then is an aching back or hips, some days a little exhaustion. Third Trimester is just around the corner though so I’m expecting this feeling good thing to go away as the belly expands even more. I’m pretty amazed at how quickly this pregnancy is flying by. Slow down, time! Of course, I’m anxious to meet Jaxson but I’m also really enjoying this pregnancy and want to cherish every moment, especially if this is our last.

(P.S. The shirt? $3 at Target! Despite having 2 other full term pregnancies, all have been in different seasons or the shirts have shrunk to where they don’t fit right, so it’s been a challenge finding clothes to wear without wearing the same thing every day. My $3 shirt is super comfy and still has room to grow. Score!)

I remember growing up watching Anne of Green Gabels movies at my Grandpa’s house. I was so young that I hardly remember the plot line besides a red haired orphan (not to be confused with Annie!) but I do remember her always saying her name was, “Anne with an E.”

While our son’s name will not be Anne with an E, we’ve decided on Jaxson with an X. Perhaps we’re setting him up to have the same response each time people ask his name, just as I do now when people ask, but the name just feels so right. I love the X in there because his nick name won’t be shortened to “Jack” but to “Jax” and that just looks and sounds like a cool guy name to me (plus the one Jax I know on General Hospital isn’t too bad on the eyes! And we all want our kids to be good looking, right?). Jaxson was the name that stood out to me as I went over list after list, it’s a name that gives my heart flutters thinking about my son Jaxson. It just feels right.

Of course, it wasn’t an easy road to officially decide on his name. For a few weeks it was going to be Gabriel Madden, and while I tried to like it for my husband’s sake who picked it out, it didn’t sit right right. I would cringe when we used it in a sentence “testing” it out. I kept thinking about all the awful nicknames people would come up with instead of using the full name. Eventually, Mark agreed that it didn’t feel right for him either. However, he was hesitant using Jaxson because he wanted to pick out his name. Our compromise? We kept the middle name he (and I) loved, Madden, because it perfectly incorporates not only a not-commonly-used-cool-name but Mark’s love of xbox games and watching football (ya know, since the real John Madden was a football announcer in our lifetime). So, Jaxson Madden it is.

It took me a while to get over his entire name ending with “n’s.” Like, I seriously put up polls on the various social networks I’m on to help me decide if it was awful or not. And, even when we had decided it was the right name, I tried to keep it a secret for fear of what others think. Some hate it and say it’s too “rhymey” or don’t flow, and that’s fine, but the more I think about his name the more I love it, just as I fall in love with him more each day. Plus, I figure that a full name is rarely said (except when in trouble or maybe announced when graduating) so who cares if his full name doesn’t “flow” like some people like? They can name their own kid something else :-)

So there you go, that’s what in our little guy’s name. Our Jaxson with an X.

I can officially say, Savannah is a big girl. At 3 years old she has a twin sized bed, no more pacy, can get dressed by her self, and most importantly she can use the potty. All the time!

We’ve been trying sporadically to get her to use the bathroom rather than her diaper for the past year, but she is a stubborn girl. We tried reading books about it, sitting on the potty throughout the day, we put underwear on her to see if that would prompt some feeling of wanting to be a big girl but she would just get extremely upset when she had an accident. It wasn’t working, in my eyes she wasn’t ready and so I let her take the lead but still talk/encourage often.

It comes down to this: Kids will do it when they make up their mind to do it.

I’m the kind of Mom that doesn’t want to force her to do something she clearly isn’t ready for. Who cares if her friends can pee in her potty and Savannah hasn’t yet? It’s not a race. And I know certain family members (*ah hem* someone’s Daddy) that wasn’t potty trained until 4. I could make her sit on that potty all day and I know she wouldn’t do it.

But, it happened one magical night. We were putting her to bed, about to turn the light out and she said, “Mommy! I need to pee-pee!”  I, of course, knowing our potty history roll my eyes and say that she is making excuses to not go to bed, but she did it. And she said in her cute-all-knowing-3-year-old voice, “I told ya!” She made the choice to go potty and she did it. And…she’s been pretty much unstoppable since. She’s never been afraid of public restrooms or afraid of going #2 like I’ve heard other kids. It’s like she just flipped a switch inside and said, “Okay, I can do this!” and she’s already a pro.

And, can I say how nice it it? No worries of running out of diapers, the nasty diaper smell is gone, no more changes in the car while out and about, no more stuffing my purse with diapers. Sure I have to tend to her at each potty break during the day and night, but this is so nice to have a break from diaper duty :-)

No more diapers! At least for 4 more months…

I’m so enjoying this stage of pregnancy. It’s nice not to feel gaggy like the first trimester, yet not huge and full of heartburn like I know the last trimester will entail. One of my favorite parts though is, of course, feeling this little guy move. I’ve felt him for over 10 weeks now (he is very active!) but it’s neat to feel his movements become stronger over time. Instead of it always being flutters I can now feel the little elbows or knees roll by. I love it! Mark finally is able to feel him move from the outside as well. Definitely moments I treasure.

What I really love is that he already has a set schedule of when he wakes up and I find it hilarious. I don’t remember my girls haven’t such a strict schedule, I do remember it was my bladder that had the schedule of when to wake up to pee. This little guy wakes up on every odd number hour. 7am…9am…11am…see? It’s about 11am and he’s awake! When we went to the beach last week and I didn’t have a clock nearby I could generally tell what time it was based on his movements. I find it so funny he already has a routine.

I wonder if it will be the same as a newborn or if it says anything about his personality?

I have a confession to make. But first off, what I’m about to say does not in any way mean I don’t love this little being growing inside of me.It doesn’t mean I wish for a different baby, it doesn’t mean anything except that I’m a worry wart. And since I like my blog to be real, I’ve got to dive into something that’s been consuming my thoughts lately.

So here it is: I’m struggling with the idea of having a boy.

Not because I don’t want a boy or could never love a boy, but because I don’t know what to do with a boy. Cars, action figure posters plastered on the wall, all that extra energy? And more sports in my life(ah!). It’s not my thing. I can handle this girl stuff Savannah gets into, because, well, I am a girly-girl myself. I can relate to her. A boy? It’s tough.

I’m scared that I won’t bond with a boy. Sure, it will be fine while he is an infant and I can enjoy all the snuggles and nursing that I did with Savannah, but what about when he gets older? I’m afraid of losing touch with him, not knowing what questions to ask to get to know him as he grows or what’s going on in his life. I keep thinking about my own brother, we were close when he was a baby and then he turned 3 or 4, when those boy interests and qualities really started to come out and we grew apart. My sister on the other hand, we only grow closer as the years go by. And in truth, I want that for Savannah. I want her to have a sister to bond with, to go through life with and maybe have a built in best friend. Idealized dream? Yes. I realize even if I have two girls it doesn’t guarantee they would even get a long! But I can dream.

I also always thought I’d have all girls. Mark thought the same thing, since his desire to have a boy is intense and he thought he wouldn’t get his way or something. And in truth, after having 2 girls, I just feel like a “girl momma.”  I never saw myself having a boy.  How is it different? Can I make the adjustment?

But, I can tell you as soon as I saw this little face on the screen, I fell in love with him even more and my worries practically are diminished already. Who couldn’t love this little guy? It comes down to this: I tend to worry over nothing, especially fear of the “unknown.” Everything will be fine, right? Maybe just a little different.

Very active, sweet, and funny little BOY! Just like we thought (and thought we saw before), this pregnancy was completely different than with my other girls and the old wives tales proved to be true in my case.

He was moving around everywhere during our sneak inside the womb. Some times with his legs over his head, other times it looked like he was making silly faces like a clown, or even a hand near his head as if he was pondering something. Other times he peacefully took a rest and looked like a sweet newborn (like below). Quite a personality already!

We’re still deciding on the name for this little guy, but now I can start painting, decorating and buying boy things! Mark is thrilled, of course. Savannah still really wants a girl but during the ultrasound she kept talking to the baby saying things like, “Nice to meet you!” and “Are you coming out now?” And when we were looking at the cute tiny toes she went up to the screen and “smelled” them. I think she already loves this little person, she talks and “plays” with my belly all the time and I’m sure when he gets here she’ll be thinking “sister-smister, I have a little brother!”

The 4D was a great experience that I haven’t gotten to do in the past with my other girls, definitely showed a lot of details and expressions that you miss in the typical black and white. And, the ultrasound tech said our visit was “textbook” and everything looked perfect. *whew* That’s always good to hear!

When I was pregnant with Kaylee and Savannah, I didn’t have a wedding ring on my finger. I was still a teenager. In one case, I hadn’t finished high school, in the other I hadn’t finished college. I didn’t have much money, my own house to live in, a permanent job. Walking around school, work, the mall, whenever, I felt shame. I knew people were looking at me wondering how old I was. I knew they were looking at my finger for a ring. Maybe it was all in my head, but I also know how judgmental people can be, especially with people they barely know. My belly felt like a giant red A on my chest (The Scarlet Letter, anyone?) I was a teenager that had had sex and it was obvious.

I hid it from my peers at school and co-workers until around 16 weeks when people  finally asked me, “Are you pregnant?” No one was ever mean to me to my face about it and were supportive, but I still felt people were judging me by my belly and not knowing who I really was. This choice wasn’t me, it was just a choice.

This time? My belly isn’t shameful, I’m proud of it. I love it. I wanted to show off my tiny bump at 5 weeks. I wanted to show off pictures and talk about my pregnancy with the other students I had classes with. Maybe it’s that I’m a little bit older at 22, maybe it’s the fact that I’m married to a wonderful husband, that we have our own house, that we have a steady income and I know we can provide.  Maybe it’s that I’ve done this before at 19 and if I can make it then, I can certainly make it now. Maybe I am just more confident in who I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my belly with Kaylee and Savannah too. I absolutely love being pregnant, the changing body that comes with it, and I adored my little girls from the moment I knew they were on their way. It’s just socially, I feel different. I feel like I’m in a place that is more “acceptable” rather than shameful. I feel like I can show off my belly and be proud rather than worry what others think.

I think it shows.

I’m done?

I officially became Mrs. O (aka Momma O)

It’s amazing to look back at what we’ve been through in the past 3 years, it’s flown by yet feels like we’ve been together forever.  I love this life! Especially now that I can enjoy it at home :-)

Happy Anniversary Mr. O!

I woke up Sunday, mentally planning my day in my head and I had a nagging feeling I had homework to do like I normally do on Sundays. Not anymore! Ever! Today is my first day “free,” a day I should be in class but instead am home like I will be for who knows how long.  Savannah got up super early this morning and so a I sipped a cup of coffee and started my day with the a reminder from the Bible about God’s stability. I sat outside at 7 am, taking turns between watching her jump in puddles and dance with a zebra umbrella while I read from a devotional and related scriptures.  Normally rainy gray days and 5:30 wake up calls would make for a grumpy mommy, but today my heart is full with gratitude and couldn’t help but see the beauty in the rain today. I saw it in the joy on her face as she stomped in puddles and squished her toes in mud. The joy in being wake to see the sky slowly light up behind the clouds. The joy in being outside before most of the neighborhood was even awake and hearing the pitter-patter rain up close and personal. I saw it in the verses I read, the reminder of God being there, a stability in life, even when I haven’ t been tuned in to Him.

Mark left for work this morning and told me, “Have a great first day of the rest of your life!” And that is exactly what today feels like. It feels like a brand new page turned, a new chapter in this life of mine.  It feels like a new beginning where I can focus on a new part of me, to be a hands-on Mom I didn’t have time to be before, the wife who can actually keep up with the dishes and laundry, a writer who can write again, a child who can actually hear the voice of God once more. I don’t know what lies ahead, I don’t know exactly what this chapter holds. I know that I have my own visions and plans, but I know also that God will “establish my steps” (Proverbs 16:9) and things will happen in His way and His time. That’s comforting.

So, here’s to the first day of the rest of my life. May it hold many beautiful things like this rainy morning.

P.S. Pregnant or know some one that is? There is a new review up (see, I have time for things again!) on “The Hot Mom to Be Handbook” by Jessica Denay.