I finally got my speech together, and good thing since it’s happening tomorrow! I decided to not mention the adoption stuff yet, I’m not ready to feel that exposed and I’d rather get to know other people before I make that plunge. I decided to go off my “Smom” article and talk about my passion for writing and how family is what keeps me going reaching my dreams. I had to condense the article quite a bit to fit it under 3 minutes, but I think it will turn out well.

So here’s hoping I don’t get all tongue tied tomorrow! And thanks for all your suggestions and encouragement :-)

First off, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I hope it’s been a great day of pampering and loving on your own mom and/or getting pampered and honored yourself! My family certainly has done a lot for me this weekend, with beautiful flowers and funny cards, but certainly the high light has been my experience with Birth Mom Buds.

It’s funny how in such a short amount of time, less than 24 hours, you can make so many new connections and quickly come to feel as if you’ve known people forever. It’s a wonderful feeling to instantly “click” with people, which I feel is the hand of God at work giving us the blessing as a whole to be able to support each other. It was such an up lifting, fun filled, emotional and transparent 24 hours.

For me, the fun started Friday night as my Mom drove into town and we met up with 5 other ladies (all birth moms but one, one being the lovely Coley who is Bmom Bud’s Founder). It was my first time meeting these ladies face to face, so I was a bit shy and nervous but thankfully there were some outgoing personalities in our group! Dinner was the most amazing meal I’ve eaten in a long time. Like, Food Network top chief quality with the beautiful presentation and everything. Yum. It was a good time to get to know each other a bit more, hear about their stories, share my own and realize how it really can be a small world.

The next day the official Birth Mother’s Day Event started in the morning, where we were immediately greeted with gift bags (and the whole day was filled with give aways!). We all introduced ourselves with a brief telling of who we are, our children, type of adoption, etc. Everyone had their own story and experiences, from 20 year old children in closed adoptions to only 2 months post placement. It was really neat to see that we all have differences but our choice in adoption brings us together and that unifying experience leads us to help and lean on each other.

We had breakout sessions, one which I lead about journaling about how it can be a great tool for dealing with grief, stress, etc. It went really well and there was some great interaction with others and creative production of poems going on! Another successful speaking event = check!

After our (yummy) lunch we wrote a short prayer/note for our children, tied it to a balloon and let them float to heaven. I released on in honor of Kaylee and for my friend’s daughter, Eden (hi Bre!). Then we listened to several great speakers, one was an adult adoptee that was in a closed adoption but now has been reunited and what that was like. It was really, really validating to hear from the mouth of an adoptee that she is okay and that she is so, so thankful for what her birth mother did for her. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear those words from own daughter’s mouth, but it will be a glorious day if/when she does. Not that I have any doubts in my heart or mind that I did the wrong thing, but to hear from her that I did and her accepting that in her heart and mind, that will be powerful. One of the other speakers was Robyn who had a closed adoption and recently reunited with her son after 19 years. It was a tough story to listen to, but so inspiring as well.

We watched the famous Birth Mom Buds slide show, and then later gathered in a circle to light candles in honor of our children while saying a prayer for them. It was beautiful to see so many women standing together pouring out their hearts in love and willing to be transparent with each other. Not just in this circle, but throughout the whole day.

It was hard to say goodbye, I really did not want the fun and closeness to end. I believe some one said at some point that it was a place filled with love, and it certainly was! On my home a song came on the radio called, “Be still and Know I’m Here” and while this is a Christian song meant to to be about God, I felt it captured this weekend’s experience perfectly. Towards the end of the song, it repeats” We are not alone” several times in such an up lifting way. As a birth mother, I don’t often come in face to face contact with others that share my experience, joys and pain of adoption. But that 24 hours? Was one where it became a reality that there are others out there (and in my own city!) that know what it’s like and we can lean on each other. We are not alone.

So, if anyone is reading this from Birth Mom Buds that I met this weekend, this is a huge thanks to all of you and how wonderful you made this weekend for me. I look forward to our next meeting, and I hope it will be soon! And of course, thanks to my Mom for making it financially possible to attend, giving me encouragement and making this weekend even more special with her presence.

Next from Momma O: A Mother’s Day post.

Ever since I did my speech on Saturday, besides the confidence boost, I’ve also had a heavy heart. Coincidently Mrs. R has had the same thoughts going on and her post spoke of it well.

She put up a great article by Adoption Option, Old Think vs. New Think, for questions expectant moms may have regarding adoption:

If I find myself unexpectedly pregnant, abortion and single parenting are my only choices.

There is a third choice, one that has proven to be a success for birth mothers and children–the adoption option.

I would never consider adoption–it would be too hard.

Which ever choice you make will present many hardships–adoption may be no more difficult than abortion or single parenting.

My friends and family will think I’m terrible giving up my own flesh and blood.

Adoption is not “giving up,” it is giving to–a decision you have carefully made out of love for the future of your child and yourself.

I’ll never know what happened to my baby. I simply couldn’t live that way.

The old way of doing adoptions (secrecy and no control) is out. The new way–open adoption–allows you to make the decisions regarding the future of your child and yourself. (refer to Glossary of Adoption Terms and “Kristina’s Story”)

Why adoption? Isn’t it just for people who can’t have their own kids?

Not necessarily true. Yes, some people cannot biologically conceive, but adoption provides a family for a child, not a child for a family.

Kids who are adopted have lots of problems.

Not founded in fact. Refer to the Search Institute Study. Children who are adopted have, among other characteristics, high self-esteem and positive identity concerns at rates as high or higher than their peers.

(I would add that yea, some children do have issues, but I think a lot of that depends on the openess of the adoption and the family that is chosen to parent. My experience? Kaylee, as well as the other adopted kids I know, are as normal as can be.)

What about me? I feel it’s my responsibility to raise my child.

Your responsibility is to make the very best and informed decision that you can for your child. Studies show that birth mothers who make an adoption plan typically move on with their life, finish their education, have a career, and eventually marry.

My heart just breaks for young moms and their children, like the ones I mingled with this weekend, that end up feeling hopeless. And it reflects in their attitudes and their relationship with their child. I just hope and pray that some how they get back on track. I’m not saying adoption is the answer to an issue, it’s just one to better lives. It seems like many young moms decide against adoption and still don’t attempt to better their lives in any way. They end up still on the same dead path with abusive boyfriends and living in poverty. What kind of life is that? Doesn’t sound like fun to me. I wish people could see the potential in themselves to make things better in one way or another.

No path in life is easy, but some things are worth a little pain to gain more–and give more–in life.

Last night’s speech went really well. In fact, it went extremely well and I couldn’t be more proud of how well it went! Of course, I didn’t have much part in putting it all together (the group did a great job of that!), I was just there to tell my story. My speech was pretty much the Smom entry I posted previously, except I added a part about my adoption story.

The group of ladies we presented to were from a local maternity home, not the one I went to though. Many had already had their children and some were still pregnant. The ages varied, the level of educations varied. You could tell they all been through a lot and had their own stories to tell.

One woman in particular seemed really interested in what we had to say. I noticed her crying when I told of my adoption story and how that was one way I was able to continue my high school education. She came up afterward and told me that she is considering adoption and it meant a lot to her that I had shared my story. She had lots of questions about going back to school and seemed amazed at how much help and the opportunities there are. It was really encouraging to be apart of. I really, truly hope that that woman and the other ladies there found something to be encouraged by and take any opportunity they can to better their life and their child’s through education.

As some one said last night…“I truly believe the things most worth while require the most work.” Amen. Isn’t that the truth with just about anything in life?

And not to gloat any more than I have, but I’m just really proud of myself! I’m a very shy person and some how I found the voice I needed. People could hear me, I didn’t shake or act nervous. I didn’t jumble up my words. I made eye-contact, I made jokes. It was a whole 20 minutes of just me speaking. And that, is quite an amazing accomplishment for this shy girl. God was definitely there with us last night.

I’ll be praying for these ladies, I hope something powerful kicked in last night and doors were opened to better their futures.