Things still aren’t what I’d like them to be sleep wise with Savannah. It’s a constant struggle. Either she’s whiny all day because she wouldn’t settle down for her much needed nap, or she’s up a bazillion times a night needing me to put her back to sleep via nursing or rocking. The mommy shift never ends, folks (neither does the laundry. God help me and my mountains of laundry).

I know, I know. She needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own, I agree. But, you try telling that to my 8 month old. I need more tactics to attack this issue (my book I ordered needs to arrive!). Tonight though, as I was rocking her to sleep, her head resting on my shoulder as she dozed off, I had joy in my heart. To be honest, lately, these many times I have had to go back in her room (again) to calm her down (again) and coerce her to sleep (again), it gets taxing. It gets frustrating. It leads to a not so happy and nice mommy.

Tonight though, as I said, I found joy. It was a moment, for a change, that I just didn’t want to let her go. It was one of those moments that made you sit back and say, “Hey, life really IS good! Look at this precious girl I have in my arms. Look at this bond we have, the love I have for her.” What really got me enjoying the moment? This won’t last forever. Enjoy it. Before long she’ll be too big and too independent to want to be held like this, and definitely won’t be nursing any longer.

My heart was swelling with pride for this sweet, sleeping girl that trusted me enough to put her to sleep. She trusts me with her life. That’s quite an honor. I sat there as I rocked and prayed that I could remember this moment and feel that joy, even at that 1 am, 3 am, 5am or whatever other time she decides to wake up that doesn’t ‘fit’ into my idea of a good night’s sleep.

I decided I’d much rather feel joy for this child of mine, and be tired, rather than be angry and tired (Granted, I have been at school all day long and have been missing her, so we’ll see how the middle of the night wakings affect me). There comes a point when we have to realize the situation isn’t going to change quite yet, so we’ve got to make the change within our selves. It’s like that song that says that sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes he calms His child.

Treasure your moments, whether you have children or not, it won’t last forever!

Apparently blog stats improve when you are extremely honest. Good thing to know.

That said, date night went well after I got some food and further away from my sleepless child that was driving me insane. Like I said, it was much needed and I came home refreshed (both emotionally and physically, full night’s sleep!) and ready to take on this sleep issue with a fight. A no-cry fight, even.  Not saying tears are bad, because even crying can be refreshing, but crying isn’t so lovely when you hear it all. night. long.   I came home and did some research online trying to find a book focusing on sleep issues. Hopefully, I’ve found the one the will work for us, The No-Cry Sleep Solution by Elizabeth Pantley.  Thank you Amazon.com for the used book section, allowing me to pay $6 total including shipping, half the price of if I had drove to the book store. Granted, I have to wait a few more days to find some answers to our problems (hopefully), but still, can’t pass up a good deal.

In the mean time, we’re back to establishing a bed time routine (bath time, lots of books, snuggles and a feeding–which I want to learn how to cut out of her sleep necessity). Duh, Leah. Why did you get flax about it in the first place?  Remember that back tracking I was talking about? I bet that is why. We’ll see what else Ms. Pantely has to offer soon. I chose this book because it seems to be more than just reading and then trying to apply.  She has ‘sleep logs’ and questions to ask yourself and keep record of about daily/nightly routines to help show where the problem is and then gives you a majority of solutions, not just one (so I’ve heard) to apply.  She’s got a chapter for tiny infant sleeping AND older infant sleeping (Hello! That’s us!). She has one for co-sleepers and the one I’m most looking forward to–a chapter about babies who are depending on breast/bottle/pacifier to sleep.

And, quite frankly, I’m a person that some times needs some one to just tell me what to do next. Especially, when I am head deep in frustration, anger and tears.  When a person is at the end of her rope, she needs some one to tell her what to do next to save herself.  I’ve heard this book offers gentle step-by-step solutions. Just what I need.

We’ll see if it lives up to the reviews and to my expectations soon enough.   In the mean time, off to dream land where there are no dreams because I’m always awake.  Meaning, bed time for the O’s.

Let’s be honest here, I’m not the greatest mom there is (but really, no one can live up to that name 100% of the time). I love my daughter will all my heart but there are moments she drives me insane. Like now? She won’t let her self take a nap, so it’s either sit here while she whines about being tired and biting me or listen to her cry herself to sleep (or at least wear her self out enough so that I can put her to sleep). She’s crying in her crib as I type. I’ll be honest, I need a moment to cool off to let some of God’s patience come to me once again. Which, is why I’m here writing hoping it will help release some of my tension.

Sleep is the biggest, most frustrating issue of being a parent to this child of mine. It has always been an issue from the get go. I realize that newborns have to wake up every 2-3 hours to eat. I get that, and when I was going through that phase of her life, I was ok with it because I knew it was needed. I survived. I still am surviving but it just gets more and more frustrating when that battle of the night comes each. and. every. single. night. I’m sick of it. She is almost 8 months old! I know that they don’t magically learn how to sleep at a certain age. I know that it’s normal for them to still wake up at night for various reasons. I get that and I’m ok with that! I know she needs me at night, but to the extent that she’s waking up? And the fight she puts up? And me having to give in simply to get any amount of sleep myself? It’s simply not necessary.

What’s even worse? Is that we’ve back tracked sleep wise. We used to have a schedule of bed at 8pm and she’d sleep at least until 3am. That’s a good 7 hours. I wouldn’t feed her until after 3 am, usually she didn’t wake up, but if she did I could easily put her to sleep by pacy and a back rub. She would still wake up 2-3 times a night but because we had that longer stretch, it made it a lot easier to deal with. What in the world happened? Teething and traveling has flipped our world up side down and it’s taking it’s toll.

Now she’s to the point that nothing helps her sleep. Those back rubs? Now that she can sit up, she won’t calm or lay down long enough to let me. It’s either I let her scream for hours (going in to check on her, of course) or I have to hold/rock/nurse to sleep the many times she wakes up throughout the night. And some times, even that doesn’t work because she just wants to be awake and be a whiny mess. At 11pm or 3am. Not cool. Oh, I also love how she gets up at the crack of dawn ready to play so that we can’t make up for the sleep lost like we used to.

I just don’t know what to do anymore. Every night has a new sleep issue from fighting sleep to waking up every hour ready to play. My nerves and sleep deprived brain cannot handle this anymore. I’m to the point where honestly I have to just put her in a safe place and walk away. I need a sleep miracle. But since that probably won’t happen I’m going to call the dr. to make sure there isn’t some hidden sickness going on (because the top teeth are through and that shouldn’t still be bugging her). And I’m also going to get me a sleep book. Surely, there is something on this earth that can help my sleep-fighter and help ease this horrible curse off this honest mom.

Thankfully, tonight Mark and I have a 24 hour date night in further celebration of our 2 year anniversary. It was my surprise to him, it was supposed to have been last weekend but the hotel “had no record of my reservation” (don’t even let me go into that annoying mess) and we had to move it to tonight. Which, turned out fine since we got to stay at a huge nice house in the mountains anyway! Tonight we can finally get a full night’s sleep in months in a huge king sized bed and a free breakfast awaiting us the next morning. We’ll also be eating out (yum, ribs), playing putt-putt and watching a movie. And other things. Yes, tonight is very much needed at this point in my mommy career.

She put herself to sleep *whew* 

I don’t know what to do with this sleep situation. It got better for a while and now it’s crazy again. Every night has a different schedule and a different pain in the rear but it all leads to sleep deprivation and frustration.

Last night she was up every 3 hours. Tonight she has already been up screaming 3 or 4 times in the last TWO HOURS.  I’ve given her pain meds and gas drops, to rule out the teething (thank goodness the other tooth is almost through) and gas. The only way she will sleep is if we hold her.  We’ve back tracked.  I used to not feed her until 7-8 hours after she went down (she used to sleep that straight through, what happened?!) but now it’s gotten so bad I use the ‘boob’ weapon any time she gets up because nothing else works.  It’s either use the boob or she’ll scream for hours.

I. Need. Help.

I know people have recommending sleep books before. But, if you will, comment with advice and good book recommendations/articles/whatever.

Would seeing the Dr. help at all?  What if something is going on that I can’t see what it is?

 (cross posted from LJ)

For the past week Savannah has been taken over by a clingy, cranky, non-sleeping thing. Oh, but this side doesn’t come out until at night, usually about 12-1am when everyone is asleep and Savannah decides it’s time to make some noise. It’s not a pleasant noise either, it’s that wailing, horribly cry of a frustrated baby.  I do what I can in my half-awake state, pretty much everything to calm her down but nothing works.  For the past week she’s been waking up between 12 and 1 and crying for an hour off and on until I guess she just wears herself out.  Of course, when she’s awake, that means I am too.

Last night though?  3 hours. Three hours (12-3am) of trying to coax my daughter to sleep with no avail.  I tried everything. Rocking, rubbing, feeding, putting her in the swing, tried bringing her to bed with me, even praying my heart out for patience and understanding for what was (is) wrong with my daughter and that I can’t do this alone.  Nothing worked.  She would not let herself rest. She would wiggle and squirm and make noises if I held her. She just wanted to be held and stare up at me and study my face with her soft hands, which would be cute any other time, but at 2am? Not so cute.  If I put her down, she’d scream.  If I did get her to calm down and almost asleep, she’d wake herself back up. What is a mother to do?

Well, I stayed awake 3 hours, eventually just letting her squirm around me until she put herself to sleep. Thank you, God.  Those were the longest 3 hours of my life. Course, it wasn’t 2 hours later before she was up again *sigh* Needless to say, today has been a very bad day with two exhausted people but one little missy who won’t sleep (except right now when I have to go wake her up to leave for somewhere :-( Figures.).

I know she her top right tooth is trying to come in, and I’ve given her pain medicine to help, but eh.  She’s been so good with teething, never like this, so I can’t help but wonder if there is something else. But I have no idea what it is, what I am doing wrong, what am I missing?  It makes me feel like a bad mother.

That said, if anyone wants to come baby sit while I take a nap, please come save me.  Or, advice is always wanted/needed. Please help this tired soul!