Very active, sweet, and funny little BOY! Just like we thought (and thought we saw before), this pregnancy was completely different than with my other girls and the old wives tales proved to be true in my case.

He was moving around everywhere during our sneak inside the womb. Some times with his legs over his head, other times it looked like he was making silly faces like a clown, or even a hand near his head as if he was pondering something. Other times he peacefully took a rest and looked like a sweet newborn (like below). Quite a personality already!

We’re still deciding on the name for this little guy, but now I can start painting, decorating and buying boy things! Mark is thrilled, of course. Savannah still really wants a girl but during the ultrasound she kept talking to the baby saying things like, “Nice to meet you!” and “Are you coming out now?” And when we were looking at the cute tiny toes she went up to the screen and “smelled” them. I think she already loves this little person, she talks and “plays” with my belly all the time and I’m sure when he gets here she’ll be thinking “sister-smister, I have a little brother!”

The 4D was a great experience that I haven’t gotten to do in the past with my other girls, definitely showed a lot of details and expressions that you miss in the typical black and white. And, the ultrasound tech said our visit was “textbook” and everything looked perfect. *whew* That’s always good to hear!

When I was pregnant with Kaylee and Savannah, I didn’t have a wedding ring on my finger. I was still a teenager. In one case, I hadn’t finished high school, in the other I hadn’t finished college. I didn’t have much money, my own house to live in, a permanent job. Walking around school, work, the mall, whenever, I felt shame. I knew people were looking at me wondering how old I was. I knew they were looking at my finger for a ring. Maybe it was all in my head, but I also know how judgmental people can be, especially with people they barely know. My belly felt like a giant red A on my chest (The Scarlet Letter, anyone?) I was a teenager that had had sex and it was obvious.

I hid it from my peers at school and co-workers until around 16 weeks when people  finally asked me, “Are you pregnant?” No one was ever mean to me to my face about it and were supportive, but I still felt people were judging me by my belly and not knowing who I really was. This choice wasn’t me, it was just a choice.

This time? My belly isn’t shameful, I’m proud of it. I love it. I wanted to show off my tiny bump at 5 weeks. I wanted to show off pictures and talk about my pregnancy with the other students I had classes with. Maybe it’s that I’m a little bit older at 22, maybe it’s the fact that I’m married to a wonderful husband, that we have our own house, that we have a steady income and I know we can provide.  Maybe it’s that I’ve done this before at 19 and if I can make it then, I can certainly make it now. Maybe I am just more confident in who I am.

Don’t get me wrong, I loved my belly with Kaylee and Savannah too. I absolutely love being pregnant, the changing body that comes with it, and I adored my little girls from the moment I knew they were on their way. It’s just socially, I feel different. I feel like I’m in a place that is more “acceptable” rather than shameful. I feel like I can show off my belly and be proud rather than worry what others think.

I think it shows.

This was 2 weeks ago at 13 weeks. Tomorrow I am 15 weeks. Isn’t that insane?! Another month-ish and I will be half way through this pregnancy! I’m feeling absolutely fantastic.  14 weeks was the magic number and I have stopped gagging when changing diapers and opening the refrigerator (Oh, what a wonderful feeling to be free of). I have some-what more energy, but still am known to fall asleep on the couch at 8:30 some nights. The belly never goes away now and people are starting to take notice.

And? And! I’m definitely feeling little kicks and rolls now. I swear I’ve been feeling them since 10 weeks, but now the baby is stronger and it is much more obvious. I absolutely love this stage of pregnancy. Well, besides being in the in between stage of clothes, it’s always interesting getting dressed now. Who knows what won’t fit next.

Our “big” ultrasound is set for June 8th when I am 18.5 weeks. Since I’m using the midwife now I’ll be going to an separate ultrasound technician and I get cool extra stuff like 4D image, CD’s with pictures, DVD, and my family/friends have the option of watching it over the internet.  So exciting :-) It’s strange though because even though I thought for a while this may be a boy due to different symptoms and the boy looking 12 week photo, my gut is SCREAMING that it is a girl and Savannah is still insisting it’s a girl. Guess we will see soon enough and I cannot wait!

On a separate note: Yesterday was the last day of exams and I am officially d-o-n-e forever. My family arrives tomorrow and then the graduation fun happens on Saturday.  And, while I think who ever invented the traditional graduation cap and gown was insane and knew nothing about fashion, I will wear it with pride. Even if I feel silly in a square hat.

The Pregnant Woman’s Rights

1) Every woman has the right to health care before, during, and after pregnancy.

2) The right to receive care that is consistent with current scientific evidence about benefits and risks. If the practice is harmful or ineffective then it should be avoided.

3) The right to chose a midwife or doctor as her care provider.

4) The right to chose her birth setting from her safe options available.

5) The right to leave her maternity care giver if she becomes dissatisfied.

6) The right to know the qualifications of those involved in her care as well as to know when those involved are trainees.

7) The right to receive care in privacy and to have all information treated according to the standards of confidentiality.

8) The right to full and clear information about risks, benefits, and costs of any and all procedures (drugs, tests, and treatments)

9) The right to accept or refuse any treatment, drugs, or tests. She also has the right to change her mind at any time. (This one is usually only true as long as the mother or baby is not in a life or death situation.)

10) The right to be informed if she or her infant is enrolled in a research stuffy and the right to accept or deny participating.

11) The right to access any and all of her pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum, and infant records.

12) The right to receive care that is appropriate for her culture and religious beliefs, as well as to receive information in a language she can understand.

13) The right to have any family members and friends she chooses to be present in any of her maternity care.

14) The right for advance information on risks and benefits of any and all available methods of pain relief. She has the right to refuse or accept any and change her mind at any time.

15) The right of freedom of movement during labor and the right to deliver in any position she desires.

16) The right to uninterrupted time with her newborn, so long as both she and the baby are healthy and do not need to be separated for care.

17) The right to have information on breastfeeding, to refuse any supplements or actions that could interfere with breastfeeding, as well as have access to lactation support.

18) The right to decided with the caregiver when she and the baby can go home.

I saw this on a fellow November Mommy’s blog and had to re-post it. With Kaylee I was 16 and had a great, easy pregnancy and birth. I was induced on my due date and had an epidural, pushed for an hour and the entire thing was over in about 12 hours. I assumed Savannah’s would be the same, and to an extent it was. I was induced the day after my due date, had an epidural and delivered within 12 hours again. However, with Savannah it felt different. I was only 3 years older, just 19, but I wasn’t satisfied this time with the birth. This time, I was this little girl’s mom. Not just a woman who gave her life, but her Mom. I had the choice to breastfeed her this time and start to fill that parenting role. But, I wasn’t allowed to breastfeed her right away, I didn’t get to until midnight 3 hours after her birth! This time the epidural  left my back bruised and aching for weeks, a pain far worse than where it should have been hurting. Reflecting on it over the past 3 years I realized that I wanted a birth that I was an active part in, not just laying in bed waiting for things to happen. I want it to be an empowering experience, knowing that I made it through the pain with hard work, preparation, and support.

So, I’m doing things differently this time. I’ve been seeing an obgyn until now in the pregnancy as we made sure this little guy would “stick.” I needed the ultrasounds to help calm my fears and tests to be done to help me relax. Now that I’m 14 weeks, I’m breathing a lot easier and ready to quit being just a number on a doctor’s chart. I’m tired of waiting 45 minutes to be seen for only 5 minutes, only to hear the heartbeat and then she leaves. I went to my first midwife appointment last week and we talked for an hour about my history, diet, everything. My obgyn doesn’t have time for that kind of caring, but I’m glad I’ve found some one that does!

And here’s a shocker for some people: I’m not giving birth at a hospital. No, it’s not my house, but it’s a birthing center 5 minutes away. My exams are on a twin bed with sheets rather than a stiff paper covered exam table. I’m going to labor and maybe even give birth in water. I’m not going to be induced with medicine or have an epidural. I’m going to use hypnobirthing to manage the pain. I’m going to hold my baby until I’m ready to let him go to be weighed. I’m going to breastfeed right away if he wants. I’m going to have as many people in the room as I want. I’m going home just hours after birth instead of waiting around for 2 days. I’m going to sleep in my own bed and not have nurses prodding my belly all night. I’m simply doing things much like women have successfully done for centuries and what they still do in other countries. It feels empowering already.

I’m not saying this way is the best way, everyone has their own vision of birth and what they are comfortable with. But after 2 births, I know that I personally felt something missing from the experience and this is the right choice for us this time around. I have actually been scared to tell certain people (like family) that I’m doing things differently, because using a doctor and hospital is simply standard these days and midwives are thought of as not safe (which isn’t true, do the research. It’s actually safer with way less infant mortality and c-section rates!). It’s definitely a choice that goes against the grain of society, but I’m going to take advantage of my pregnant woman’s rights and do what I feel is right for us.

Our 12 weeks ultrasound was this morning, it must have been baby’s nap time because he wasn’t moving much. Boo.  Still, it was nice to see tremendous growth in the past month and he looked like a baby!  Yes, he.  It must be a boy. Not just the symptoms give us clues, but this:

According to the nub theory, boy nubs point upwards, girls point more straight/perpendicular. See? Take a look at this article. It’s funny having been pregnant 3 times before I have never heard of this theory, but looking at the Ingender forum, it’s pretty accurate if you can get the right shot during an ultrasound. And, I think we got a good shot.

Ultrasound tech guessed a boy as well, guess we’ll find out officially in June!

When I was pregnant with Kaylee and Savannah, I took for granted how precious life is. I didn’t realize how easily it could slip away, how lucky I was to have two healthy pregnancies and healthy girls.

Even last year, I started out the pregnancy naively thinking everything would always be okay for me, I wasn’t one of those moms who had fertility issues. And then, my world crashed at that 8 week ultrasound. I never thought it would be me. I never thought with my super fertile body that I would lose a baby. Having a miscarriage last year has put this pregnancy in a whole new perspective. One that airs of caution more, one that prays and prays before a doctor visit hoping to hear good news.

One that prays and prays to hear that heartbeat.  The heartbeat is a sign of life, a life that my babies didn’t have last year. I’ve held onto the idea that if I just heard a strong heartbeat, this baby would be okay.

Today, I finally did hear it. Strong, fast, clear. And while I don’t think hearing that sweet heart beat will ever take away my fears completely, it certainly helps ease them. I know that this one is growing and thriving within me by that thumping noise, and praying we continue to have that confirmation.

Tuesday is an ultrasound, where I’ll not only hear the heartbeat but see my little one squirm. And hopefully, melt away my fears even more :-)

12 weeks already!

1. The nausea started earlier and more intense. I’ve cried at restaurants, just wanting to enjoy my steak, but my stomach only rumbled. I’ve spent more time gagging throughout the day than probably all my pregnancies combined.

2. As I mentioned before, smells are REALLY intense too compared to my other pregnancies. I remember some things bothering me with Kaylee and Savannah every now and then but this is, like, the entire world smells awful. Which makes me feel sick.

3. I actually threw up last night. My previous 3 pregnancies and prior to last night it has always been just nausea, but out of no where getting into bed it happened. Yuck.

4. I’ve only had boy dreams. Dreams where I’m looking at an ultrasound and they say “it’s a boy” and I always look at it like, “Are you SURE? Oh yes, I see now.” I always thought we’d have all girls, as did Mark, but my dreams usually are right about baby gender.

5. We can only agree on a girl name.  With Savannah it was the opposite, we had a boy name set (which I can’t decide if I like it or not) but not a girl’s.  Mark is fighting for the name Armanti after a football player, please tell him that it is absolutely not a good fit for our family. He better be joking…

6. Everyone says they have a “boy vibe” for me…everyone but Savannah who insists it’s a girl. And, folks, you must remember she told us “Mommy has two babies in her tummy” before we even found out there were 2 last year.

Or, maybe God is just having a laugh since I always have said, “Oh! I don’t get morning sickness bad! I can always control it by making sure I eat!” Not this time…still I know that other women have it way worse than I do and I’m grateful I haven’t reached that point.

So, I guess we’ll see in June who’s right!

I love my body.

(This was last week, I’m now 9 weeks)

Something about pregnancy brings about a new respect and appreciation for it. Maybe it’s the fact that I know it’s doing a very important job, like um, growing a human. We often forget the millions of things our body does for us each second just to breathe or digest nutrients, but knowing that it’s working to grow a baby brings that appreciation to the forefront. Especially when I’ve heard so many Moms, myself included, miscarry or not be able to have a child. I feel blessed.

Or, maybe it’s because I finally can add a few pounds and feel less self-conscious about how skinny I look (yes, I like gaining weight and pregnancy/nursing is the only time it sticks. Until…I get older I hear). Maybe it’s because I grow more womanly curves and fill out clothes differently. Or maybe it’s because for a change, instead of looking at my wrinkly loose skin belly where my other babies have grown, and wincing knowing I will never show it in a bikini again…my belly has blossomed to erase those winkles and it’s a place of beauty and growth once again.

I think it’s all the above. It’s amazing what the body can do and I love these months of change, of feeling and being a different part of me However, I’m sure my feelings will change by November when it looks like I swallowed a watermelon whole and I just want my pre-pregnancy body back. Such is life! For now, I’ll enjoy this new body :-)

That said, things appear to be going well via evidence of my body. I’ll have another appointment the 27th and anxious to hear the heartbeat! Things are very busy right now with the end of semester projects and papers, forgive the sporadic posts! 6 more weeks until graduation…

My ultrasound was this morning, I honestly was preparing to hear bad news and not let myself get excited. I’d rather prepare myself than be crushed like last year. But, there was no need to worry because every thing looks good from what we saw!

Today I am 7 weeks 4 days, and the baby actually measured a little bit larger at 8 weeks. We didn’t get to hear the heartbeat or measure how fast it was beating, but we did see the flicker of the heart chambers working. So wonderful to see! I still wish I could know how fast it’s beating, since last year the baby had a heartbeat but it was too slow. But, it looks like this baby is growing really well and it at least looked strong  :-)

I pulled out the ultrasound from last year where we got bad news and was amazed at the difference in size:

The top ultrasound photo is from almost a year ago. I was 8 weeks 4 days, but the babies we only measuring 5-6 weeks. Barely even there, as you can see.  So that was a sign something was wrong, plus the one with  a heart beat was only beating about 57 when it should have been in the 100′s.

The bottom is the one from today at 7 weeks 4 days and measuring at 8 weeks. So, the one last year should have looked more like this one. That’s good news to me that this baby is right on target, if not, so far. The baby is between the two cross marks, with the head at the bottom and the feet at the bubble. The bubble is the yolk sac that provides nutrients right now.

So, I feel a tiny bit better. I’m still sleeping a ton, eating a ton, and seriously considering buying nose plugs for the nasty smells that seem to be all around me all the time now. So far, so good and continuing to pray for the best! Mark is already ready to pull out the nursery stuff :-)

1. Bacon smells something awful. And my husband unfortunately is on a eating bacon kick. Like right now, eating bacon and pancakes for his second dinner (pregnancy sympathy cravings?). The smell lingers in the air for hours. Yuck! I usually like bacon, but I don’t think I will be liking it any time soon. My nose currently is hiding in my shirt as a type.

2. I eat 6 meals a day, just like Kevin and pregnant Pam (The Office!). I have breakfast, second breakfast, lunch, second lunch, first dinner, and second dinner. I guess Mark is following me with the second dinner part since he’s eating breakfast for his second dinner. Weird.

3. I have to sleep on my back to keep from being nauseous. I normally hate sleeping on my back, it just doesn’t work for me to get a good night’s sleep. But, right now it’s the only way to keep my belly from rolling and interrupting my sweet (or not so sweet) dreams.

4. Some shirts are already getting too small. And pants? How about some rubber band action to give me some more breathing room.

5. I check Babycenter.com constantly. Sure, I’ve seen the picture of the 6 week fetus a million times (including having been through 3 other pregnancies) but I keep studying it and the symptoms I already know about.

6. I worry constantly. Why was I more nauseous this weekend compared to now? What about this sore throat, do I need medicine? God, protect my baby!

7. I could sleep all day. I normally can’t nap during the day, or go to bed at 8pm, or go back to sleep easily after being woken up, or fall asleep with ANY noise like the TV. But now? I wish I could stay in bed all day long! It’s nothing to pass out on the couch while Savannah watches a movie. I feel like I will never catch up.

8. I’m growing a baby, that’s a pretty big change all around :-)