I mentioned earlier that I’ve read 3 books so far and I had to share what I’ve learned. It’s amazes how stories help reveal things in your own life.

The best so far was “A Time to Dance” by Karen Kingsbury (Any book by her you can’t go wrong, she’s amazing). It’s about a married couple on the brink of divorce and how God brought them back together when they thought it was too late. I have to admit, at times it made me angry to read and watch how silly they were being. Not speaking to each other or when they did it was rudely, or didn’t listen to what the other was trying to say, one character was practically cheating on the other, ignoring God, etc. And yet they both obviously still loved one another. It made me realize that often that is me (not cheating or anything serious!). Whether it’s being too busy sitting here blogging or reading other’s blogs to spend time with Mark some nights, or saying something without thinking, it can put a wedge between us that eventually could build up to be worse if not addressed. Thankfully, Mark is pretty good about being honest and up front about issues like that. It made me see how truly painful divorce can be and that I never, ever want to experience that first hand. It’s made me very thankful for the man I married and work harder to be the best wife I can be.

It also reflected my relationship with God at times (more often that I’d like), where clearly He knows the right path for my life and yet I keep ignoring Him and His commands. As I was reading it was like seeing life through God’s eyes almost…knowing what could be if they would just accept it and not letting pride get in the way. I also felt like God does sometimes when looking down at his people making the wrong choices. Angry, sad, and hurt. Thankfully, they did accept God’s truth and ways in the end and things turned out with lessons learned and blessings just as God promises for our lives.

I’m looking forward to reading the sequel, “A Time to Embrace” as soon as it arrives at my library.

I haven’t posted anything about our money stresses because well…anybody could read my blog and that’s not something everyone needs to know! But, I just have to share this and how faithful God is.  Let’s just say I didn’t know if I would be able to go back to school this fall, let alone pay for Savannah’s diapers.  As our funds lowered, I was getting more scared and stressed. Job opportunities for me weren’t working out, the government stimulus check was taking forever to get here, then Mark has a car accident on top of all this, etc.

Last night nearly in tears I began my search for scholarships, almost began writing some essays that never win, when I decided to check my school account just in case. And there it was: money waiting for me to accept from the government. Let’s just say between the money Mark and I will receive for school and from his job, it not only provides enough to pay for college but also for me to be able to stay at home with Savannah for the summer and through the school year (when I’m not in classes, of course).  God is so good!

Literally, I think God was waiting for me to just stop and trust when there was nothing left.  I knew He would provide, but it just took longer than I thought!  All in God’s own time.  I’m so, so thankful and grateful for His blessings on our little family.  He knew our desires, He knew our stresses, and He took the burden off and provided as He promises. Praises to God.

I’m very content with where I am right now, right where I need to be, at home with my girl.  Obviously, getting priorities straight helps out in life. Thank you, God, for always being there when I return.

—-

P.S. Mark’s Mom is fine. Swelling and bruising more by the second but she’s still in good spirits and got the good news that there were no broken bones or conclusion. She’s just got to let it heal.

I honestly don’t cry often. It either gets suppressed because it’s at the wrong moment, or something really has to move my heart to physically cry the tears that I need to cry.

Well, this did it. It’s an update on Audrey’s family, a letter her mom wrote to share with the world those last moments and their love for her…and to share pictures. I just cannot explain what an amazing example this family is, Audrey definitely served God’s purpose and has brought change in so many lives–though painful–for the better. Why? Because their family is displaying the ultimate peace that He can provide and it’s brought people to know Christ personally. It’s touched lives that may already know Christ, but to pursue that relationship stronger. It’s taught us to treasure every moment.

I encourage you to read this letter, and again, take a moment to pray for them. Be inspired by their strength that can only come from Christ. But also be warned though, it’s emotional. Tears are cleaning though.

The song by Mercy Me, “Bring The Rain,” has never rang more true when I think of this family and how I can apply this to my own life:

“Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings your glory

And I know there’ll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that’s what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain”

Last night’s speech went really well. In fact, it went extremely well and I couldn’t be more proud of how well it went! Of course, I didn’t have much part in putting it all together (the group did a great job of that!), I was just there to tell my story. My speech was pretty much the Smom entry I posted previously, except I added a part about my adoption story.

The group of ladies we presented to were from a local maternity home, not the one I went to though. Many had already had their children and some were still pregnant. The ages varied, the level of educations varied. You could tell they all been through a lot and had their own stories to tell.

One woman in particular seemed really interested in what we had to say. I noticed her crying when I told of my adoption story and how that was one way I was able to continue my high school education. She came up afterward and told me that she is considering adoption and it meant a lot to her that I had shared my story. She had lots of questions about going back to school and seemed amazed at how much help and the opportunities there are. It was really encouraging to be apart of. I really, truly hope that that woman and the other ladies there found something to be encouraged by and take any opportunity they can to better their life and their child’s through education.

As some one said last night…“I truly believe the things most worth while require the most work.” Amen. Isn’t that the truth with just about anything in life?

And not to gloat any more than I have, but I’m just really proud of myself! I’m a very shy person and some how I found the voice I needed. People could hear me, I didn’t shake or act nervous. I didn’t jumble up my words. I made eye-contact, I made jokes. It was a whole 20 minutes of just me speaking. And that, is quite an amazing accomplishment for this shy girl. God was definitely there with us last night.

I’ll be praying for these ladies, I hope something powerful kicked in last night and doors were opened to better their futures.

I’m giving a speech tomorrow for pregnant or already parenting young mothers, so I thought this would be appropriate to share on here. I’m not sure I have many mom readers that are thinking/wanting/are in school, but hopefully it will inspire some one.

Ya know how mom’s often classify their selfs as titles such as, SAHM or WAHM meaning that they are “Stay At Home Moms” or “Work At Home Moms.”

Well, me? I’m a Smom, “Student Mom.” Yes, most of my life is a classified SAHM but there is another part of my life that takes a lot of focus: School. Things happened out of order in my life, but that doesn’t stop me from pursuing my dreams. I’ve always wanted to attend college and earn a degree. Actually, I’m thankful I had a year off from college when I became pregnant because it forced me to stop and think what direction my life was taking me. It made me realize my true passion and talent is not in Social Work (I wanted to work with pregnant girls and birth mothers in the adoption area. There really aren’t enough counselors specifically in that area!) but is in writing.

After becoming pregnant though, school certainly was not on my mind. I had to leave college to be closer to family, figure out what the heck we were going to do at 19 years old, unmarried, and about to have a baby. Working obviously became top priority, those diapers, clothes, hospital bills, etc. definitely cost a lot!

Once Savannah was born, I was thrilled to be a mom. Of course, it took some time to get adjusted to the no-sleep demands, poop expositions and feeling like a milked cow 24-7, but being a mom brought so much joy. I did go back to work part-time when she was 3 months old, but still, school and a career were not on my mind. I was set on the routine of baby all night and day, and occasionally work. I could have lived like that for the rest of my life, I loved being a mom!

Then one day it hit me though that I needed a back up plan. What if something happened to my husband, how would I support us? What about once our kids are in school and there are no more babies to tend to during the day, what will I do with my time? What about my own goals for life, isn’t it worth exploring those dreams beyond a family? And something really important to me: what will my daughter think if I just gave up simply because obstacles came along. I want her to be proud of me and all that I can accomplish.

And so, back to school I went. But don’t think I just packed up my book bag and abandoned my duties as a Mom. Not at all. I’ve made it a high priority to make time with my daughter first so I can be there to tuck her in at night, share giggles and sweet kisses. Thankfully, it’s worked out that I only go twice a week with a full day of classes, and I don’t have to work on top of school. Two days a week isn’t much of a time sacrifice. I finished my first semester back this past December and not only did I get through the classes…I made straight A’s!

So what can you do to help reach your educational goals and stay on top of things? I’ve learned many important lessons to help achieve success and make things a tad bit easier when life is pulling you in so many directions.

• As with anything in life, it takes organization. Not just the neat notebooks and pencil cases, but time organization. I’ve found that since there is often limited time to get tasks done (i.e. during naps only!), use it. Use every minute you have effectively, don’t procrastinate.

• Prioritize what’s needs to be done. There are many days I have to just ignore the 4 laundry baskets begging to be folded and put away because a paper or test is looming over my head. Remind yourself what’s important right now and that it’s ok to let some things slide!

• Know your learning style. Since study and school work time is so crunched, I’ve learned the most effective way to study. Me? I’m more of a visual person. When I read from a text book, I have to take notes and flash cards have become my best friend. I’ve also discovered I learn better using the computer. Those CD’s that come with text books or on line study guides and games? Awesome to me. So what if you’re more Auditory? I’ve heard of some people bringing a tape recorder to class so they can re-listen to the lecture at home. Try reading your notes out loud! If you’re more “hands on” then do just that. Obviously, this would vary from class to class, but try to apply the concept to an example or get an internship to help you get a real experience.

• Use any help you can get! I’ve been lucky to have my husband and his family to help take care of Savannah when needed. Some times a 2 hour nap isn’t enough to get a paper done or study for an exam, so they’ll help by giving me some extra time when they can. Support is crucial, if some one offers to help, take it! Also, financially there may be some great financial aid to help pay for your education. Check out FAFSA.

• Treasure time with your family. Yes, those projects, papers, and tests seem to weigh heavily once your knee deep in classes, but don’t forget your family. They still are the true number 1!

A balance can be found between the roles of college student and mom (and whatever else defines you). And you can succeed at it! I can’t promise it’s easy, it definitely has its struggles and stresses, but I have found that school has only enhanced my relationship with my daughter and husband. Those hours away each week gives us time to refuel and miss each other, making our time together even more treasured and enjoyable. And you know what? It just feels good to push myself and work toward something worth while. It feels good to know I’ll have a back up plan, that I have something else to be proud of, and that I’m setting a good example for my daughter as she grows up.

You can do it!

Even way back in Elementary school, I wanted to grow up to be a writer. Of course, that plan strayed a little bit through high school as I moved from teacher to interior designer to social worker. But now? I’m back to the root of me: writing.

I do want to write books some day, it’s been a dream of mine for years. I’ve always got ideas bouncing in my head, I’ve got a passion for what I write about, I just love to write. It’d be a dream to get these thoughts on paper, in the bookstore, and into the hands of a reader. To inspire others. For now, this blog is that for me and it’s thrilling!

However, a part of that writing lifestyle I dream about is speaking. How so, you ask? Think about it. A writer doesn’t just sit at a pretty little desk thinking and typing her (or his) day away. Yeah, for a while they do, but then the book is published and there are things to do to promote it. There are book signings, conferences to speak at, press conferences, etc. The problem? I’m a very behind the scenes girl, that’s why I love to write. I get my voice, stories and ideas out there but my face and nerves are left out. Speaking is one of my worst fears, it binds me in nerves. I talk too fast, I goof up. I even cry some times. It’s not a good sight.

Recently Mark and I spent a while talking about how I know this is direction God is leading me in life. I know I am meant to write and I can just see myself up on stage encouraging young women. I want to get to that point, but it’s hard to get past my fears. Mark told me how he used to be the same way in high school, but he new he wanted to be a young leader of some sort and prayed that God would give him opportunities to become more comfortable in that role. And He’s done just that! For example, this weekend at the conference he was the leader for our small group and did a wonderful job.

I guess God took this discussion between me and Mark as a “go”to start working on me. After class today a classmate approached me (knowing that I have a daughter and has continued with school) asking if I would be willing to speak to a group of pregnant high school girls encouraging them to continue their education. I said yes. For some reason, the thought doesn’t send my nerves in crazy directions, I’m calm about it. I know I can do it. It’s an excellent opportunity to work on my speaking skills. But more importantly? It’s an opportunity to help inspire these girls in places that I’ve been in twice and encourage them to move on in a better life style with an education. That is an honor.

What’s also a little coincidence? I just wrote an essay for an online magazine about this very topic, being a student mommy. So, that means I’ve already got the bases of my speech ready to go, which calms my nerves even more. God is so good!

It’s not until March 15th, but I’m already preparing and praying that He can work through me and give me the confidence I need. And of course, help prepare these girl’s hearts for our message (cause really, I know how tough it is to be a mommy AND a student along with everything else life demands). Continue preparing me, Lord.

I didn’t have time to post yesterday (us girls went on a birthday party decoration hunt), but I won’t be around much this weekend.  We’re attending the Weekend to Remember Conference hosted by Family Life, which so far is amazing. I’m sure when I get the time I’ll share some helpful, useful and truthful things we’ve learned.

We’re defintiely growing closer together this weekend. We even made last minute reservations for a hotel for the entire weekend–away from Savannah!  We sure do miss her, but it’s nice to be able to just focus on us. And as we’ve learned and the speakers here have stressed, marriage is the priority relationship. Without it, you can’t be the parent God intended.  Oneness with God and your spouse is essential. 

 I hope you all are having a wonderful weekend, I’ll be back next week when things settle down!

It’s been quite an interesting 24 hours!  I’m still getting comments by the hour from the old “Leah’s” blog readers.  I’ve never had this many comments or viewers before.  The web page hits have well over doubled or tripled since all the drama began last night.

People keep saying that they would be so mad if this happened to them. And what’s strange?  I’m not.  I mean, yes I am upset (and worried) that some one has spent the last 9 months stealing pictures and posing as me…but I’m calm about it.  There isn’t a point to get into a furious rage. Yelling at the computer screen and storming around my house with a big pouty lip won’t solve a thing.  Instead, I honestly have been laughing at the absurdity of the stories she had made up about us. And, the fact that I’ve gained a whole bunch of new readers!  I’ve gotten some the of nicest comments and emails from all this, thanks!

It’s a strange, but wonderful peace that I can only point to God to be giving me right now. Because being possessive and easily frustrated is totally me, and this calmness is definitely not of me.  I just know that justice will be done in it’s time and it out of my hands. My prayers are definitely being sent out to whoever the person in, because obviously something isn’t quite “right” to do something like this.

Anyways, just wanted to say another thanks for all the support, nice comments and emails!

I got a new Bible today that I’m very, very excited about . I had gotten one as a Christmas present, but I’m the kind of girl that needs/likes extra “stuff” within the pages to help me understand and reflect more about what I’m reading. So, I exchanged it for the TNIV version True Identity: The Bible for Women. It’s focused for woman in their 20′s and 30′s just beginning in the more adult world (instead of teen issues, like the Bibles I have now) and truly finding themselves in Christ and discovering who they are in Christ (and moving out of the bounds of I am so and so’s Mom or the president of x company). It has pages with some myths of the world (like: if I have children I will be happy, if I just loose 10 pounds I’ll be happy, I NEED these pair of shoes! And more spiritual/religious based ones like: it’s not important to go to church if my personal relationship with God is good, God doesn’t want me to have any fun, if I’m a Christian God won’t let anything bad happen to me, etc. ) and God’s view of them. Pages that help you get to know the woman of the Bible more, questions that get you thinking or talking with others, and parts that help summarize who God is. Of course, the most important part is God’s word it’s self, but these added areas just help me understand and connect with it more in a practical daily way.

Plus, it’s just pretty to look at. The cover (shown above) is one of my favorite colors of green with beautiful tulips, and all the text inside is blue and green!

It also has great tips on how to have a closer relationship with Christ, how to write your testimony, and how to be a mentor for others. I was skimming through and came across a tip to keep a journal just between you and God, writing down what you are learning through reading the Bible, your prayers, and how you’ve seen God working in your life. I’m glad I read that! Often it’s not enough for me to just read, it doesn’t sink in and go further reaching to the heart (even with school material, it’s the same way) and how neat it is to look back weeks, months or even years to see the changes.

During my pregnancy with Kaylee (especially after her adoption plan) and up until I went to college, I was the closest I have ever been in my relationship with God. It was a beautiful experience and I really want that back again. That was when journaling and writing began such a huge part of my life and I realized the gift that He’d given me with words. I used to keep a special journal, away from the internet and the eyes of other people just between me and God. I was single for over 2 years during that time, knowing, waiting and trusting that God would bring me my true love next (and He did!). But it was very lonely and I longed for a relationship, so I even have secret letters and written prayers to my future husband with in that journal. I had totally forgotten about all this until I read the tip tonight. If I can find it…that would be a great place to start some couple devotional and prayer time, wouldn’t it?

I’m excited. And that is the first step towards one of my resolutions: Get closer to God again. Excitement is motivation and motivation means I’ll actually DO it and get started. In fact, instead of wasting my night here on the computer like usual, I think I will go read!