I know I’ve been slacking on actual blog content lately, I apologize.  It’s so hard to balance time and creativity! When I think of something to write, I can’t take the time to write at that moment. When I do have the time, I can’t think of what to write or should be using my time in another area. But, I wanted to take a minute to write about what I’m thankful for this year. I’ve always heard the phrase, “Count your blessings” growing up, and it’s true that as you start thinking of all the ways you are blessed, life starts feeling a little lighter. And truth be told, these are only a few and very general things of all that I am grateful for.

1. My God. He carries me through each day, no matter how distant I become and gave me all the blessing listed below, that I so do not deserve.  Not to mention, He unselfishly died for my sins . Thank you, Jesus.

2. My Family. The people who support and love me the most despite my flaws and goofy aspects.  Family who have housed us, fed us, taught me about God and love, gave me good genes to pass on, make me smile, and share an indescribable connection with.

3. My Husband. Again, for loving me despite my flaws and goofiness (you have no idea…).  For sticking with me even when it’s tough and we’re stressed to the max. For watching chick flicks with me and buying me my favorite ice cream just because. He’s so good to me, and again, I so do not deserve it!

4. My Kids. Man, I love them. No matter that I parent one and not the other, no matter that each relationship is different, that they themselves are different. I love them. That bond can never be replaced.

5. My Daughter’s Parents. For giving Kaylee a life that I couldn’t at the time of her birth. For always having an open heart and sharing their lives with me.

5. The fact that in 3 short weeks school will be over! And I get an entire month off!

6. The fact that though school drives me crazy and makes me stressed, God has provided a way for both Mark and I to finish our education for free. He’s so good!

7. Our Church. We aren’t nearly as involved as we should be or as I’d like to be. But, I am always, always encouraged by the messages and seeing how God is working through those people.

8. That Gas is low right now. I was seriously scared for a while there.

9. Food. I may be small but I still love me some food.  I’m grateful that we have a safe, warm place to celebrate thanksgiving with more fresh and hot food than we can eat in one sitting.

And finally…

10.   My Blog. It’s my little writing baby, my place to be me.  And, ya know, I get to “meet” awesome people like you guys who encourage me and let me know that I’m not alone in this motherhood journey. Thank you.

What are you thankful for?

Happy Thanksgiving, folks!

How in the world is it already October?  I’m loving the cooler, but not cold, weather. It’s a nice break from the 90-100 degree heat we were having this summer. But still, after fall means it’s winter. Which means it gets cold, bare, and depressing. It feels like the longest season there is. I’m not looking forward to it except those wonderful family holidays and traditions that take place in winter and hopefully (hopefully, maybe) snow. Savannah hasn’t got to experience it yet, so hopefully this is the year!

Anyways, enough winter talk since we’re just barely into fall now. I’m getting in the autumn mood with my new desk top, thanks to Girl Talk.

These pictures were taken last Halloween, Savannah was just 8 months old. *sigh* It makes me miss my little baby! (One day, one day.)  This year she will be dressed as Tinker Belle, she loves it and calls herself “Pretty.” We bought it last year at the Disney Store on super clearance for about $8.00, a great deal! I think that will be our family tradition until she actually cares what she wears, buy something after Halloween each year :-)  She can always wear it as dress up clothes if she doesn’t want it for Halloween.

(P.S. Still haven’t heard about the silverware price. hmm…)

My whole weekend was the best Mother’s Day weekend yet. It started out with the bonding time with Birth Mom Buds (and my Mom!) and then I came home to a super clean room (thanks to my husband!) and these beauties:

I had fun snapping pictures of them and came up with a beautiful natural light photo and then enhanced their beauty even more in photo shop. I think I’ll frame it. I haven’t received tulips before and I’ve fallen in love with them! On Sunday I woke up to a cheerful little girl who enjoyed snuggling with me. She was clingy and lovey all day, she must have known it was Mother’s Day. And of course, I’m left in awe at how fast she is growing. Look how long her hair is getting! We went to church where we watched a picture slide slow of all the Mother’s and children within our church. I proudly/bravely included not just me and Savannah, but me with Kaylee as well. Not many people know that I am a birth mother there (or many people in person, really), not because I’m ashamed but simply because where during a conversation does, “Hey! I’m a birthmom!” fit in, ya know? In a way, I hope people ask, “Who was that other girl in the picture?” so that I can gladly share my story. Anyway, that was my way of sending more love to Kaylee from a distance, that I love her and always thinking of her and that she’ll always be my first daughter who made me a mom.

The four of us, my Mom included, went to eat at the best hamburger and fries place we’ve ever eaten at. Five Guys, anyone? Then it was time to say goodbye to mi madre, but Mark and I had fun heading to the craft store for a project we’re working on. What project, you ask? Well, my sweet and thoughtful husband had the great idea to make me/us a scrapbook of our story for our 1st wedding anniversary that is coming up in one week (can you believe it?!). He originally was going to do it all him self, but the task got overwhelming and time was running out, so he told me about the surprise. Which, honestly, I’m glad he did because 1) How sweet is it to work on a project about love with your love? 2) Scrap booking is just fun.

And, for the cherry on top of my weekend? I’ve made straight A’s again (well, still waiting on one grade but it’s English and I’m positive it’s an A). A whole year of college, 9 classes in a row…I’ve made straight A’s. This little momma with a 15 month old, stress galore, little sleep and laundry mountains to climb has kept a 4.0 gpa. That feels pretty good, ya know? And all I can say is, glory be to God because I don’t know how I did it.

I hope your Mother’s Day weekend was as great and blessings filled as mine!

First off, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I hope it’s been a great day of pampering and loving on your own mom and/or getting pampered and honored yourself! My family certainly has done a lot for me this weekend, with beautiful flowers and funny cards, but certainly the high light has been my experience with Birth Mom Buds.

It’s funny how in such a short amount of time, less than 24 hours, you can make so many new connections and quickly come to feel as if you’ve known people forever. It’s a wonderful feeling to instantly “click” with people, which I feel is the hand of God at work giving us the blessing as a whole to be able to support each other. It was such an up lifting, fun filled, emotional and transparent 24 hours.

For me, the fun started Friday night as my Mom drove into town and we met up with 5 other ladies (all birth moms but one, one being the lovely Coley who is Bmom Bud’s Founder). It was my first time meeting these ladies face to face, so I was a bit shy and nervous but thankfully there were some outgoing personalities in our group! Dinner was the most amazing meal I’ve eaten in a long time. Like, Food Network top chief quality with the beautiful presentation and everything. Yum. It was a good time to get to know each other a bit more, hear about their stories, share my own and realize how it really can be a small world.

The next day the official Birth Mother’s Day Event started in the morning, where we were immediately greeted with gift bags (and the whole day was filled with give aways!). We all introduced ourselves with a brief telling of who we are, our children, type of adoption, etc. Everyone had their own story and experiences, from 20 year old children in closed adoptions to only 2 months post placement. It was really neat to see that we all have differences but our choice in adoption brings us together and that unifying experience leads us to help and lean on each other.

We had breakout sessions, one which I lead about journaling about how it can be a great tool for dealing with grief, stress, etc. It went really well and there was some great interaction with others and creative production of poems going on! Another successful speaking event = check!

After our (yummy) lunch we wrote a short prayer/note for our children, tied it to a balloon and let them float to heaven. I released on in honor of Kaylee and for my friend’s daughter, Eden (hi Bre!). Then we listened to several great speakers, one was an adult adoptee that was in a closed adoption but now has been reunited and what that was like. It was really, really validating to hear from the mouth of an adoptee that she is okay and that she is so, so thankful for what her birth mother did for her. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear those words from own daughter’s mouth, but it will be a glorious day if/when she does. Not that I have any doubts in my heart or mind that I did the wrong thing, but to hear from her that I did and her accepting that in her heart and mind, that will be powerful. One of the other speakers was Robyn who had a closed adoption and recently reunited with her son after 19 years. It was a tough story to listen to, but so inspiring as well.

We watched the famous Birth Mom Buds slide show, and then later gathered in a circle to light candles in honor of our children while saying a prayer for them. It was beautiful to see so many women standing together pouring out their hearts in love and willing to be transparent with each other. Not just in this circle, but throughout the whole day.

It was hard to say goodbye, I really did not want the fun and closeness to end. I believe some one said at some point that it was a place filled with love, and it certainly was! On my home a song came on the radio called, “Be still and Know I’m Here” and while this is a Christian song meant to to be about God, I felt it captured this weekend’s experience perfectly. Towards the end of the song, it repeats” We are not alone” several times in such an up lifting way. As a birth mother, I don’t often come in face to face contact with others that share my experience, joys and pain of adoption. But that 24 hours? Was one where it became a reality that there are others out there (and in my own city!) that know what it’s like and we can lean on each other. We are not alone.

So, if anyone is reading this from Birth Mom Buds that I met this weekend, this is a huge thanks to all of you and how wonderful you made this weekend for me. I look forward to our next meeting, and I hope it will be soon! And of course, thanks to my Mom for making it financially possible to attend, giving me encouragement and making this weekend even more special with her presence.

Next from Momma O: A Mother’s Day post.

This was me last Valentines Day. 39 weeks on the dot, wearing my pink and red cupid pj pants to celebrate the day (don’t worry, I didn’t wear them out to lunch. And for the “fake Leah” readers: I wasn’t reduced to wearing pj pants, I did have other maternity pants to wear out! But at home? Who wants to wear jeans lounging around with that big belly! I was already uncomfy enough)

One week and one day later, I gave birth to Savannah Leigh. Therefore, one week and one day from now, my daughter will be a full year and one hour old *sigh* It really is going by extremely way too fast. It seems she is learning new things by the minute. Her hair has grown out in the past week. She drinks all by herself from her sippy cup, she feeds herself. She repeats words! (Boom, purple, duck, etc.) My little newborn is long gone.

One week and one day left. It gets tougher to face as the days race by.

I came home from a long day of classes and the drama of losing a car key (thank goodness for my Father in Law!) to this:

I have the sweetest husband. He always has the best ideas for holidays or just because he loves me. I’ve got one of those hopeless romantic kind of guys. Yes, I know how lucky I am.

On this romantic bed included the bear from our first Valentines Day way back in 2006, our freshman year of college. The bear is holding a bottle of sparkling grape juice (our favorite). Beside the bear is a “Tonight” pillow (you know what that means). On the other side is the movie “Suburban Girl” he rented for us to watch (about to go watch it after this) along with a wonderful home made card from Mark and Savannah.

I also came home to a drive way and side walk declaring how much they love me in bright side walk chalk. Yes, I am one well loved girl.

The card has the cutest picture, it’s my favorite part of all this stuff!

I hope your Valentines Day was as well loved and wonderful as mine has been (minus the losing the key part…).

Can you believe it’s already 2008?! How is it possible? We didn’t do anything fun to bring in the new year. We’re old folks, even though we’re only 20. Mark played too many video games to count, and I watched TV and worked on Savannah’s birthday invites (how is it possible that it’s time for THAT?). I did make it to see the clock turn midnight, but only because it takes forever for me to fall asleep :-/ What a way to bring in the new year, huh? I don’t even remember what I did last year, something equally boring I’m sure. I was a little over 7 months pregnant then, so I’m guessing by midnight I was fast asleep.

2007 has been quite a year with many milestones and proud accomplishments. The ending of a successful, full term pregnancy. The birth of our daughter February 22nd. Mark and I conquering the sleepless night, the yellow runny blowout diapers, the teething, the chicken pox, the many joyful moments when she learned something new, finding joy even when you think you just can’t take it any more. Discovering that we are made of A LOT and can do anything we put our mind to. Sticking with breastfeeding when I wanted to quit because it hurt so much those first few weeks, treasuring those special bonding moments, and feeling accomplished having made it to 10 months (sadly, breastfeeding is now ever. She lost interest, but that’s ok, we were ready). A first Easter, first beach trip, first Halloween, first Thanksgiving and first Christmas. Not just for Savannah, but for us as a family. A year of amazement at how fast time goes and how fast she grows with it. Another year of visits with Kaylee, watching her grow into a little girl, making connections about our adoption, and watching my Savannah and Kaylee interact.

Planning a wedding and finally becoming an official family May 19th. A wonderful honeymoon (and baby break!) with my husband at the beach. Mark getting an awesome internship for the summer that has lead to more. Myself breaking out of the house and getting a part time job for the summer, deciding to go back to school at last minute, going towards an English degree and getting straight A’s! Chopping my hair off. Mark doing equally well in school, despite a job and family to take care of. Us finding a church we love and people we connect with. Furthering my writing even more, and having my own website!

In short? It’s been a year that I define as a year that has shown what we are made of. We’ve had a lot of our plate, and we’ve done it all quite well. I’m proud of this year. Let’s hope this coming year is even better!

Our new year resolutions? Personally, I really want to get closer to God again (Mark needs this goal too…). I feel like something is always holding me back though, and I’m wondering if it’s my past. So, this year I’d like to connect with a counselor/therapist to dig those things out so I can leave it behind once and for all and move forward with Christ. Mark and I really want our family to be grounded in Christ, and for Savannah to see Him within us as she grows, but whenever we try to devote ourselves more to reading the Bible/praying it keeps falling through. What’s holding us back? WHY are other things more important than Him?

I also want to work on our marriage communication. We have too many petty arguments over nothing. We don’t have serious issues going on, but we want our marriage to last. I think dealing with these little thing now will help us in the long run from thing building and building into something bigger and scarier.

And of course, the usual goal of working out. Not to lose weight, I’m the opposite and need more weight. I do need to work this post-baby belly flab though. Mark could use a little working out, too.

Here’s to another year of growth, love, and writing. Happy New Year, folks! Here is our year in pictures:

We started our Christmas early yesterday morning at 6am when my little sister came to wake us up. Savannah woke up soon after and we headed down stairs for the Christmas day fun to officially begin. I think Savannah enjoyed playing in the wrapping paper more than the actually gifts, but what can you expect from a 10 month old? She was a very happy girl throughout the day (minus a trying-to-skip-a-nap-fight in the morning), loving the attention from family, the toys and posing for the camera. Santa brought her a push toy to help encourage walking, and she loved it until she topped over when she got too excited at her new talent. That scared her a bit but hopefully she’ll get back on the horse, er, legs and try again! She has taken up to 4 steps completely by her self in the past 2 weeks, walking is not too far away.

Mark finally, finally got the Xbox360 he’s been wanting. Along with every game he could ever want, so I don’t think I will see him until next Christmas. He got me a gorgeous green amethyst ring surrounded by diamonds (looks a lot like this one but square and cost way less!) . It’s amazing. Through, I did pick it out myself over our Thanksgiving trip to Maryland. But still, it’s a wonderful gift with special memories!

Like I posted previously, my big gift this year is my own web page. My Dad helped me pick out a good host (we went with Host Gator). But, it’s turning out to be far more complicated than I ever dreamed. Stuff just isn’t working right, I don’t understand what I’m doing and just when I think I’ve figure it out, something always goes wrong. Blah. Eventually I’ll get there. I hope.

Of course, Christmas is not all about the presents. For me, it’s about spending time with family and celebrating the life of Jesus Christ. All day my heart was filled with joy and thanks for all that He’s blessed us with. We really are lucky. My heart breaks thinking about the families that can’t even afford a ham to eat, let alone Christmas presents. I hope some how God provided for them.

Anyways, I hope everyone had a very Merry Christmas. It’s been a wonderful season for us, filled with many firsts. Eventually pictures will be up, but I’m sure my husband didn’t think to pack the camera cord to upload pictures, so it will be a while!

We’re back. For now, at least. We’re headed back out on the road (thankfully, only a 2 hour trip verses 7!) on Friday.  Our trip was good. The time difference of an hour threw us all off.  Savannah was scared of Maw (oh, stranger/separation anxiety!).  Savannah slept surprisingly very well, waking up only once or not at all each night. Though, she did get up early, like 5:30.  It was hard and some times frustrating to keep up with Savannah, trying to keep her entertained and contained within her small play pen and not breaking things. Over all though, it went well. I know Maw loved seeing all of us, especially Savannah! Mark had a good time with friends and family, that’s always a good thing.

Other awesomely good news: I made straight A’s this semester!  I did it! Therefore, I now have a 4.0 gpa. I’m so unbelievably proud of myself. I haven’t made straight A’s since elementary school, and I got a giant cookie back then. Where’s my cookie for this time? Just kidding, I could care less about a cookie or any other prize.  This pride I feel within myself is one of the best feelings in the world.  That pride comes from knowing that I can do things (and well) if I try.  I have had so much going on this past semester with raising Savannah, getting little sleep, sickness, long night of teething, a new marriage, traveling, endless piles of laundry, etc. and I still managed to get through school. And make all A’s! 

I think this second year in college I’ve also learned how I best learn and the best ways to study.  That, I think, is what made the biggest difference because I had little time to study this semester but I was able to do it efficiently.  I’m looking forward to next semester, though I’ll be piling on even more. With a 1st birthday to plan (already?!), a possible job, and an extra class 15 hrs. verses the 12 I had this semester) in a whole ’nother language! 3 semesters of Spanish is required for my English Degree. It baffles me. 

Off to my piles of laundry just to repack it again!  Look for our exciting news soon…

We’re in the mist of exam week. Thankfully, my “exams” are just normal tests (no cumulative horrible stuff!) and I only have two, so exam week hasn’t been too stressful. Also, Mark and I have, as I like to call it, “Christmasitis.” You know, like senioritis! When your just about at the end and you just don’t care that much any more? We’ve been studying, of course, but the stress is just not getting to us. And that makes for a happier family.

We’re ready to be done. Ready to relax for 3 weeks and enjoy visits with a ton of family. And of course, we’re ready for Christmas! I can’t wait to see Savannah’s expressions and curiosity with all the extreme amounts of paper and presents galore. I absolutely love Christmas time (though I am already sick of the repeated music). This Christmas not only is Savannah’s first, but Mark and I’s as well being actually together on Christmas. I’m excited to share my family’s traditions with him and Savannah. It’s a wonderful feeling being able to share some thing so special with people you love.

We’ve got many trips lined up for our Christmas break. It should be interesting, to say the least, what effect it has on all of us. We’ll be on the go constantly until we reach my Dad’s house, where we’ll relax the longest. Savannah has been doing absolutely amazing sleep wise lately (sleeping through the entire night, or waking up just once. A blessing indeed), so I’m sure her sleep schedule will be effected in a bad way with all the unfamiliar places. Also, laundry will be interesting since we’ll have only one day or less in between trips. We’ll be borrowing the washing machine for sure.

And baby food? The girl eats like a pig. I think we may just have to buy food at each destination so we don’t have to lug everything down there (and so when we do finally get home, we have some food left without running to the store!). We are introducing more table foods and I still make some home made baby food, (and plan to do so while I’m at my Dad’s) but the jars still have their convenience, especially on trips!

So this post in part is to tell you guys I won’t be around much for the next 3 weeks. But expect some exciting news (no, not pregnant) and tons of pictures once I return :-)

Have a wonderful Christmas everyone! (assuming I don’t find time to get on before then)