I haven’t posted anything about our money stresses because well…anybody could read my blog and that’s not something everyone needs to know! But, I just have to share this and how faithful God is.  Let’s just say I didn’t know if I would be able to go back to school this fall, let alone pay for Savannah’s diapers.  As our funds lowered, I was getting more scared and stressed. Job opportunities for me weren’t working out, the government stimulus check was taking forever to get here, then Mark has a car accident on top of all this, etc.

Last night nearly in tears I began my search for scholarships, almost began writing some essays that never win, when I decided to check my school account just in case. And there it was: money waiting for me to accept from the government. Let’s just say between the money Mark and I will receive for school and from his job, it not only provides enough to pay for college but also for me to be able to stay at home with Savannah for the summer and through the school year (when I’m not in classes, of course).  God is so good!

Literally, I think God was waiting for me to just stop and trust when there was nothing left.  I knew He would provide, but it just took longer than I thought!  All in God’s own time.  I’m so, so thankful and grateful for His blessings on our little family.  He knew our desires, He knew our stresses, and He took the burden off and provided as He promises. Praises to God.

I’m very content with where I am right now, right where I need to be, at home with my girl.  Obviously, getting priorities straight helps out in life. Thank you, God, for always being there when I return.

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P.S. Mark’s Mom is fine. Swelling and bruising more by the second but she’s still in good spirits and got the good news that there were no broken bones or conclusion. She’s just got to let it heal.

Yes, one year ago today…this was our day.

(Hint: If you’d like to hear the beautiful Cannon by Pacabel that I walked down the isle to, click the little speaker button in the bottom left corner of the slide show. When you’re done, you can click it again to turn the music off)

And today, it is again as we celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary! As I’m writing this, one year ago I was finishing up my final beauty touches and waiting patiently (or…trying…) to begin walking down the isle. The ceremony was set to start at 11 am. I remember those last few moments as a single woman being completely excited, yet oh-so-nervous. I remember peaking around the stair case to glance at my soon to be husband and him not seeing me. I remember hearing the cuing music and taking my Dad’s arm as we began the walk and him saying, “You’re doing good, you haven’t tripped yet!” Oh, those sweet moments.

It was a most wonderful day, perfect in every way. The weather cooperated, the birds sang, people showed up to share our joy, we had our best friends and family surrounding us, I didn’t trip, I didn’t sob during the whole ceremony, Mark didn’t shove cake on my face, I danced with my daughter…and most importantly I married my best friend . Yes, it was a perfect day.

I’ve heard it a million times: The first year is always the toughest. It wasn’t that bad for us, though we certainly have faced our challenges. A new baby, living with the in-laws, both full time students, sicknesses, too many clothes to fold, etc. But really? I wouldn’t have it any other way. God has blessed us in many ways and helped us through so much.

Here’s to us, Sweetie, and may this next year be even sweeter than this past one. I love you.

(Now excuse me while I ago cry, I can’t believe it’s already been a year)

My whole weekend was the best Mother’s Day weekend yet. It started out with the bonding time with Birth Mom Buds (and my Mom!) and then I came home to a super clean room (thanks to my husband!) and these beauties:

I had fun snapping pictures of them and came up with a beautiful natural light photo and then enhanced their beauty even more in photo shop. I think I’ll frame it. I haven’t received tulips before and I’ve fallen in love with them! On Sunday I woke up to a cheerful little girl who enjoyed snuggling with me. She was clingy and lovey all day, she must have known it was Mother’s Day. And of course, I’m left in awe at how fast she is growing. Look how long her hair is getting! We went to church where we watched a picture slide slow of all the Mother’s and children within our church. I proudly/bravely included not just me and Savannah, but me with Kaylee as well. Not many people know that I am a birth mother there (or many people in person, really), not because I’m ashamed but simply because where during a conversation does, “Hey! I’m a birthmom!” fit in, ya know? In a way, I hope people ask, “Who was that other girl in the picture?” so that I can gladly share my story. Anyway, that was my way of sending more love to Kaylee from a distance, that I love her and always thinking of her and that she’ll always be my first daughter who made me a mom.

The four of us, my Mom included, went to eat at the best hamburger and fries place we’ve ever eaten at. Five Guys, anyone? Then it was time to say goodbye to mi madre, but Mark and I had fun heading to the craft store for a project we’re working on. What project, you ask? Well, my sweet and thoughtful husband had the great idea to make me/us a scrapbook of our story for our 1st wedding anniversary that is coming up in one week (can you believe it?!). He originally was going to do it all him self, but the task got overwhelming and time was running out, so he told me about the surprise. Which, honestly, I’m glad he did because 1) How sweet is it to work on a project about love with your love? 2) Scrap booking is just fun.

And, for the cherry on top of my weekend? I’ve made straight A’s again (well, still waiting on one grade but it’s English and I’m positive it’s an A). A whole year of college, 9 classes in a row…I’ve made straight A’s. This little momma with a 15 month old, stress galore, little sleep and laundry mountains to climb has kept a 4.0 gpa. That feels pretty good, ya know? And all I can say is, glory be to God because I don’t know how I did it.

I hope your Mother’s Day weekend was as great and blessings filled as mine!

First off, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I hope it’s been a great day of pampering and loving on your own mom and/or getting pampered and honored yourself! My family certainly has done a lot for me this weekend, with beautiful flowers and funny cards, but certainly the high light has been my experience with Birth Mom Buds.

It’s funny how in such a short amount of time, less than 24 hours, you can make so many new connections and quickly come to feel as if you’ve known people forever. It’s a wonderful feeling to instantly “click” with people, which I feel is the hand of God at work giving us the blessing as a whole to be able to support each other. It was such an up lifting, fun filled, emotional and transparent 24 hours.

For me, the fun started Friday night as my Mom drove into town and we met up with 5 other ladies (all birth moms but one, one being the lovely Coley who is Bmom Bud’s Founder). It was my first time meeting these ladies face to face, so I was a bit shy and nervous but thankfully there were some outgoing personalities in our group! Dinner was the most amazing meal I’ve eaten in a long time. Like, Food Network top chief quality with the beautiful presentation and everything. Yum. It was a good time to get to know each other a bit more, hear about their stories, share my own and realize how it really can be a small world.

The next day the official Birth Mother’s Day Event started in the morning, where we were immediately greeted with gift bags (and the whole day was filled with give aways!). We all introduced ourselves with a brief telling of who we are, our children, type of adoption, etc. Everyone had their own story and experiences, from 20 year old children in closed adoptions to only 2 months post placement. It was really neat to see that we all have differences but our choice in adoption brings us together and that unifying experience leads us to help and lean on each other.

We had breakout sessions, one which I lead about journaling about how it can be a great tool for dealing with grief, stress, etc. It went really well and there was some great interaction with others and creative production of poems going on! Another successful speaking event = check!

After our (yummy) lunch we wrote a short prayer/note for our children, tied it to a balloon and let them float to heaven. I released on in honor of Kaylee and for my friend’s daughter, Eden (hi Bre!). Then we listened to several great speakers, one was an adult adoptee that was in a closed adoption but now has been reunited and what that was like. It was really, really validating to hear from the mouth of an adoptee that she is okay and that she is so, so thankful for what her birth mother did for her. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear those words from own daughter’s mouth, but it will be a glorious day if/when she does. Not that I have any doubts in my heart or mind that I did the wrong thing, but to hear from her that I did and her accepting that in her heart and mind, that will be powerful. One of the other speakers was Robyn who had a closed adoption and recently reunited with her son after 19 years. It was a tough story to listen to, but so inspiring as well.

We watched the famous Birth Mom Buds slide show, and then later gathered in a circle to light candles in honor of our children while saying a prayer for them. It was beautiful to see so many women standing together pouring out their hearts in love and willing to be transparent with each other. Not just in this circle, but throughout the whole day.

It was hard to say goodbye, I really did not want the fun and closeness to end. I believe some one said at some point that it was a place filled with love, and it certainly was! On my home a song came on the radio called, “Be still and Know I’m Here” and while this is a Christian song meant to to be about God, I felt it captured this weekend’s experience perfectly. Towards the end of the song, it repeats” We are not alone” several times in such an up lifting way. As a birth mother, I don’t often come in face to face contact with others that share my experience, joys and pain of adoption. But that 24 hours? Was one where it became a reality that there are others out there (and in my own city!) that know what it’s like and we can lean on each other. We are not alone.

So, if anyone is reading this from Birth Mom Buds that I met this weekend, this is a huge thanks to all of you and how wonderful you made this weekend for me. I look forward to our next meeting, and I hope it will be soon! And of course, thanks to my Mom for making it financially possible to attend, giving me encouragement and making this weekend even more special with her presence.

Next from Momma O: A Mother’s Day post.

Last Wednesday was the first really warm day we’ve had in a while. Since last year Savannah was a tiny baby and didn’t play much we don’t have any outside toys. So, I brought out some sidewalk chalk and bubbles for us to play with! She’s just getting the hang of how to color (ya know, scribbling!) and it’s super cute to watch her discover this whole new world out side. I’m so glad spring is here!

This was my lovely sun, inspired by the real sun shine beaming down on us. You can also see Savannah’s scribbles to the left:

For more Photo Friday visit Crazy Hip Blog Mamas.

Last night’s speech went really well. In fact, it went extremely well and I couldn’t be more proud of how well it went! Of course, I didn’t have much part in putting it all together (the group did a great job of that!), I was just there to tell my story. My speech was pretty much the Smom entry I posted previously, except I added a part about my adoption story.

The group of ladies we presented to were from a local maternity home, not the one I went to though. Many had already had their children and some were still pregnant. The ages varied, the level of educations varied. You could tell they all been through a lot and had their own stories to tell.

One woman in particular seemed really interested in what we had to say. I noticed her crying when I told of my adoption story and how that was one way I was able to continue my high school education. She came up afterward and told me that she is considering adoption and it meant a lot to her that I had shared my story. She had lots of questions about going back to school and seemed amazed at how much help and the opportunities there are. It was really encouraging to be apart of. I really, truly hope that that woman and the other ladies there found something to be encouraged by and take any opportunity they can to better their life and their child’s through education.

As some one said last night…“I truly believe the things most worth while require the most work.” Amen. Isn’t that the truth with just about anything in life?

And not to gloat any more than I have, but I’m just really proud of myself! I’m a very shy person and some how I found the voice I needed. People could hear me, I didn’t shake or act nervous. I didn’t jumble up my words. I made eye-contact, I made jokes. It was a whole 20 minutes of just me speaking. And that, is quite an amazing accomplishment for this shy girl. God was definitely there with us last night.

I’ll be praying for these ladies, I hope something powerful kicked in last night and doors were opened to better their futures.

Today’s been a good day. It finally felt like spring, the weather was perfect. My Spanish class let out early so I actually had time for lunch, where I grabbed some Chic-fil-a and sat outside enjoying the sun. I even wrote a poem about spring while I ate, perhaps I’ll share it later.

Basically, I feel renewed.  Like spring is a time of renewal, my soul feels it, too.  Just yesterday I was complaining about not wanting to finish school, let alone finish my homework (don’t worry Dad and Grandpa, I’m not quiting!).  And today gave me the motivation I needed.

I’m pumped about my talents and future right now. I feel like those Reebok tennis shoes that you pump air before you go play basketball or run (Remember those?) for a custom fit. Well, I’m working on my custom fit and feeling good about the direction, ready for life. It’s encouraging to see people turning to me to share my experiences and help others (the education/pregnancy speech, and now an opportunity to share about my love for writing). It’s encouraging that a teacher much older and more experienced than I can tell me that I’m a great writer and to bounce ideas off of her only to better it. It’s encouraging that my work was chosen to be shared with our English class. And, they liked it! They discovered deep things about it I didn’t even try to do. That feels really good.

And my sweet toddler girl?  Definitely worth coming home to, her smile and giggles are enough to melt the winter cold any day.

There’s just a peace in today that I’m heading in the right direction. Life is good. God is amazing.  My arms are spread open, ready for opportunities.Take a deep breathe of spring.

Can I tell you how glad I am that the cold weather is gone for now?  Savannah has never gotten to enjoy much of the outside due to either being a tiny baby, it’s too hot or too cold. But these past 3 days? She’s loving it. She’ll go to the door and point and whine until we take her out there. She loves exploring in the grass and finding acorns that have dropped.  She loves hearing the rustling in the trees and looking up to find a squirrel staring at her. Now that she is walking like a champ, it makes these outside adventures a lot easier. And, she’s been enjoying going down the slide, swings (with help of course) and riding in a wagon. It’s neat to watch your child discover a whole new world.

So if I’m not around much this week, we’re outside.  It’s Mark and I’s spring break so we’re enjoying spring and good family company.  Not to forget, having a stress free week without the busyness of classes is a plus!

There’s too much to do today. With Friday and Saturday packed full of birthday stuff, Mark and I are left trying to balance a lot of studying and homework and watch Savannah at the same time. So quickly…

Savannah’s birthday party went very well. It was an extremely long and busy day, but I think (and hope) everyone enjoyed it. Savannah loved the attention, she completely demolished her cake (ending up all in her hair), and I know she loved playing with all the other kids. She also racked up a good bit for her college fund, sweet!

Mark’s Mom and I worked hard on getting the house decorated and getting the extremely easy food together. We made mini home made pizzas that were a huge hit, along with a chili cheese dip and brown sugar/cream cheese fruit dip.

Kaylee and her family came, some special moments were shared between us. Kaylee asked to hold Savannah as soon as she got here and they sat together for a good while looking at toys and books (pictured below). Melted my heart. Later Kaylee snuck away to play in Savannah’s room and I came to play with her, where we read book after book. At cake time the kids had a fight over who got the first piece and Kaylee’s argument was, “She’s my little sister, I should get the first piece!” Though, she totally doesn’t “get” what that means because she refused to believe that she came from my tummy. Oh well, one day.

And of course, the cake was gorgeous and tasted even better. I just had to share how awesome it turned out! It’s exactly what I had hoped for. Of course it did travel 3 1/2 hours here with my parents so it does have a few flaws (cracks), but well worth it! Savannah had so much fun making a mess (and not get in trouble for it!). It was everywhere!

It was so wonderful to spend the day with family and friends. She was wiped out by the end of the night, as was I (but neither of us slept good. Those molars are some pesky teeth! 4:45 am is not a fun hour to get up for the day). One birthday down, many more to go (I pray). It’s kind of fun, ya know?

Savannah is slowly getting better. Yesterday had it’s horrible, driving me insane moments. Sick baby = whiny baby. And that? Isn’t so much fun to listen to all day. And not to be able do simple tasks like eat, pee, and sit because she was glued to me the whole day and I had to be standing.

Thankfully, the fever seems to be gone today. But, as soon as pain medication wears off she gets whiny again, so I’m guessing she still feels achy and miserable on the inside. Poor girl. She did wake up a few times last night but get this…we all slept in until 8 am! Non-parents will not understand the true luxury of this. But for us? With a child who some times gets up at 4:00 am? 8 am is amazing.

And then. When Savannah went down for a 2 hour nap, Mark and I slept to! We’re all well rested today. It’s wonderful! And it feels so nice outside, like spring. See, I knew better days would come!

Also, if you’ve noticed I now have (tasteful) ads on the left from BlogherAds. I’m so, so excited about this! Part of the main reason I wanted to switch to my own website was to take advantage of their opportunity of putting up ads to make some kind of profit with this blog I love. Plus, I just love BlogHer and it’s a good way to promote it and other great bloggers! It’s an honor to be apart of such a great company, with other awesome bloggers and a great staff. Go check them out.