I really thought I’d have more to say tonight. I thought I’d be an emotional wreck all day, wiping tears away all day as I watched my little toddler walk around in her birthday crown. But, nope. I’m strangely okay! And honestly, I’ve been too busy to sit and think. We’ve been on the go since practically 5 am (those molars are back to haunt us!), whether with baby duties or party purchases. Groceries had to be bought, balloons blown up, decorations to hang. It’s been a busy day, and fun at that. And partly I don’t feel affected because it doesn’t “feel” like her birthday yet. Her party is tomorrow, maybe it will be more real by then. But then again, I think I’m too excited about seeing family and friends again that it may just be later that it sinks it–I have a 1 year old!

It boggles my mind that it’s been a year already. I just can’t wrap my mind around the fact I used to have a tiny newborn in my arms a year ago. How can that be the same little girl I hold today? She’s grown so much, accomplished so much. As they say (whoever “they” is…), “The days are long but the years are short.” Absolutely. I don’t know how we survived the sleepless nights, sore nipples, and more sleepless nights. I don’t know how our finances survived with Mark and I both being in school and only working a few months at a time. To that I say, God is just so good, abundant and has blessed us in so many ways.

Tonight as I was rocking her my heart was just so full of joy as she laid in my arms much like she did a year ago for the first time, just looking up at me. It’s amazing to think that I could love her even more than when I first met her, but it’s true. This past year we’ve all grown in numerous ways and the love only has grown with us.

I love this little girl. Happy 1st Birthday, Savannah!

It’s been quite an interesting 24 hours!  I’m still getting comments by the hour from the old “Leah’s” blog readers.  I’ve never had this many comments or viewers before.  The web page hits have well over doubled or tripled since all the drama began last night.

People keep saying that they would be so mad if this happened to them. And what’s strange?  I’m not.  I mean, yes I am upset (and worried) that some one has spent the last 9 months stealing pictures and posing as me…but I’m calm about it.  There isn’t a point to get into a furious rage. Yelling at the computer screen and storming around my house with a big pouty lip won’t solve a thing.  Instead, I honestly have been laughing at the absurdity of the stories she had made up about us. And, the fact that I’ve gained a whole bunch of new readers!  I’ve gotten some the of nicest comments and emails from all this, thanks!

It’s a strange, but wonderful peace that I can only point to God to be giving me right now. Because being possessive and easily frustrated is totally me, and this calmness is definitely not of me.  I just know that justice will be done in it’s time and it out of my hands. My prayers are definitely being sent out to whoever the person in, because obviously something isn’t quite “right” to do something like this.

Anyways, just wanted to say another thanks for all the support, nice comments and emails!

Remember my 2008 goals?  Well, I’ve (we’ve) gotten started on the getting closer to God part. Mark and I have read the Bible and prayed every single night.  My new Bible has been good help guiding us to the topics we’d like to read about. And, since we are (finally) back home we made it to church this morning (which, was an excellent service).

I’m a firm believer that if you ask, you will receive. Of course, that doesn’t mean that we’ll get the answer/opportunity/whatever that you expected because God knows what is truly best for us, but we will receive something (but in His timing).  Well, one of the goals I had in mind for 2008 was to work on our marriage. Like I said, there are no serious problems between us, but I’d rather learn the best way to communicate and avoid serious issues all together right now from the start. So, today at church we found out that there is an opportunity to go to a marriage retreat the weekend for Savannah’s birthday (but, I’ll have to miss a friend’s baby shower…but I think marriage is more of a priority, yes?).  And so, God has opened the door to not only creating a closer relationship for Mark and I, but between us and God as well.  He is a good God, and He does listen.

But about that working out part?  Bleh…we’re not there yet.

Can you believe it’s already 2008?! How is it possible? We didn’t do anything fun to bring in the new year. We’re old folks, even though we’re only 20. Mark played too many video games to count, and I watched TV and worked on Savannah’s birthday invites (how is it possible that it’s time for THAT?). I did make it to see the clock turn midnight, but only because it takes forever for me to fall asleep :-/ What a way to bring in the new year, huh? I don’t even remember what I did last year, something equally boring I’m sure. I was a little over 7 months pregnant then, so I’m guessing by midnight I was fast asleep.

2007 has been quite a year with many milestones and proud accomplishments. The ending of a successful, full term pregnancy. The birth of our daughter February 22nd. Mark and I conquering the sleepless night, the yellow runny blowout diapers, the teething, the chicken pox, the many joyful moments when she learned something new, finding joy even when you think you just can’t take it any more. Discovering that we are made of A LOT and can do anything we put our mind to. Sticking with breastfeeding when I wanted to quit because it hurt so much those first few weeks, treasuring those special bonding moments, and feeling accomplished having made it to 10 months (sadly, breastfeeding is now ever. She lost interest, but that’s ok, we were ready). A first Easter, first beach trip, first Halloween, first Thanksgiving and first Christmas. Not just for Savannah, but for us as a family. A year of amazement at how fast time goes and how fast she grows with it. Another year of visits with Kaylee, watching her grow into a little girl, making connections about our adoption, and watching my Savannah and Kaylee interact.

Planning a wedding and finally becoming an official family May 19th. A wonderful honeymoon (and baby break!) with my husband at the beach. Mark getting an awesome internship for the summer that has lead to more. Myself breaking out of the house and getting a part time job for the summer, deciding to go back to school at last minute, going towards an English degree and getting straight A’s! Chopping my hair off. Mark doing equally well in school, despite a job and family to take care of. Us finding a church we love and people we connect with. Furthering my writing even more, and having my own website!

In short? It’s been a year that I define as a year that has shown what we are made of. We’ve had a lot of our plate, and we’ve done it all quite well. I’m proud of this year. Let’s hope this coming year is even better!

Our new year resolutions? Personally, I really want to get closer to God again (Mark needs this goal too…). I feel like something is always holding me back though, and I’m wondering if it’s my past. So, this year I’d like to connect with a counselor/therapist to dig those things out so I can leave it behind once and for all and move forward with Christ. Mark and I really want our family to be grounded in Christ, and for Savannah to see Him within us as she grows, but whenever we try to devote ourselves more to reading the Bible/praying it keeps falling through. What’s holding us back? WHY are other things more important than Him?

I also want to work on our marriage communication. We have too many petty arguments over nothing. We don’t have serious issues going on, but we want our marriage to last. I think dealing with these little thing now will help us in the long run from thing building and building into something bigger and scarier.

And of course, the usual goal of working out. Not to lose weight, I’m the opposite and need more weight. I do need to work this post-baby belly flab though. Mark could use a little working out, too.

Here’s to another year of growth, love, and writing. Happy New Year, folks! Here is our year in pictures:

We’re back. For now, at least. We’re headed back out on the road (thankfully, only a 2 hour trip verses 7!) on Friday.  Our trip was good. The time difference of an hour threw us all off.  Savannah was scared of Maw (oh, stranger/separation anxiety!).  Savannah slept surprisingly very well, waking up only once or not at all each night. Though, she did get up early, like 5:30.  It was hard and some times frustrating to keep up with Savannah, trying to keep her entertained and contained within her small play pen and not breaking things. Over all though, it went well. I know Maw loved seeing all of us, especially Savannah! Mark had a good time with friends and family, that’s always a good thing.

Other awesomely good news: I made straight A’s this semester!  I did it! Therefore, I now have a 4.0 gpa. I’m so unbelievably proud of myself. I haven’t made straight A’s since elementary school, and I got a giant cookie back then. Where’s my cookie for this time? Just kidding, I could care less about a cookie or any other prize.  This pride I feel within myself is one of the best feelings in the world.  That pride comes from knowing that I can do things (and well) if I try.  I have had so much going on this past semester with raising Savannah, getting little sleep, sickness, long night of teething, a new marriage, traveling, endless piles of laundry, etc. and I still managed to get through school. And make all A’s! 

I think this second year in college I’ve also learned how I best learn and the best ways to study.  That, I think, is what made the biggest difference because I had little time to study this semester but I was able to do it efficiently.  I’m looking forward to next semester, though I’ll be piling on even more. With a 1st birthday to plan (already?!), a possible job, and an extra class 15 hrs. verses the 12 I had this semester) in a whole ’nother language! 3 semesters of Spanish is required for my English Degree. It baffles me. 

Off to my piles of laundry just to repack it again!  Look for our exciting news soon…

Things still aren’t what I’d like them to be sleep wise with Savannah. It’s a constant struggle. Either she’s whiny all day because she wouldn’t settle down for her much needed nap, or she’s up a bazillion times a night needing me to put her back to sleep via nursing or rocking. The mommy shift never ends, folks (neither does the laundry. God help me and my mountains of laundry).

I know, I know. She needs to learn how to fall asleep on her own, I agree. But, you try telling that to my 8 month old. I need more tactics to attack this issue (my book I ordered needs to arrive!). Tonight though, as I was rocking her to sleep, her head resting on my shoulder as she dozed off, I had joy in my heart. To be honest, lately, these many times I have had to go back in her room (again) to calm her down (again) and coerce her to sleep (again), it gets taxing. It gets frustrating. It leads to a not so happy and nice mommy.

Tonight though, as I said, I found joy. It was a moment, for a change, that I just didn’t want to let her go. It was one of those moments that made you sit back and say, “Hey, life really IS good! Look at this precious girl I have in my arms. Look at this bond we have, the love I have for her.” What really got me enjoying the moment? This won’t last forever. Enjoy it. Before long she’ll be too big and too independent to want to be held like this, and definitely won’t be nursing any longer.

My heart was swelling with pride for this sweet, sleeping girl that trusted me enough to put her to sleep. She trusts me with her life. That’s quite an honor. I sat there as I rocked and prayed that I could remember this moment and feel that joy, even at that 1 am, 3 am, 5am or whatever other time she decides to wake up that doesn’t ‘fit’ into my idea of a good night’s sleep.

I decided I’d much rather feel joy for this child of mine, and be tired, rather than be angry and tired (Granted, I have been at school all day long and have been missing her, so we’ll see how the middle of the night wakings affect me). There comes a point when we have to realize the situation isn’t going to change quite yet, so we’ve got to make the change within our selves. It’s like that song that says that sometimes God calms the storm, and sometimes he calms His child.

Treasure your moments, whether you have children or not, it won’t last forever!

Not only am I physically refreshed (thanks to our date night and Savannah slept 8 hours last night, in a row!), my soul is refreshed. We’ve been trying to do better about cutting out traveling so we can actually go to church and further more, to get involved. After 5 or 6 months of trying to go we finally went to info session that helps us to learn more about who our church leaders are, what they believe, their visions, how we can get involved, and finally how to make connections and meet people. Today was the most we have ever talked to people and interacted than we ever have in our many times at church. Normally we drop Savannah off, take our seats and quickly leave after the service because we simply had no reason to stay behind and talk. We knew no one. Today I left encouraged by the many sweet, wonderful, God filled people we met or got to know a little better. God is good.

I don’t even know where I’m going with this, there are so many things I want to say and give thanks for. So many ideas and joy that fills my heart. All my life I’ve searched for a church that I truly felt apart of and that filled my ‘ideal’ church desires, that felt like “home” and this church has it all. Finally. Now we are working to make it our home, to do our part as the body of Christ.

For years, Mark has felt a calling to Youth Ministry. We’ve both felt this calling for him and our lives, I knew that I would marry a pastor one day. But, it’s a scary, terrifying thing to leave this “security” (what little there is for this young, poor college family!) and move on into unknown territory that only God knows what to expect and can prepare us for. It goes back to the “To Go or Not to Go” issue. Some how, in my heart, I see this calling connected to the calling of leaving. Not saying it will happen any time soon, but maybe someday.

Today when they were talking about their mission to plant other churches, an image flashed in my head of us working to help create a church much like the Gathering in Boone, NC. While we were at ASU, we did attend church but nothing ever ‘fit’ just right. Either the music was older and more traditional, or the preaching wasn’t quite our taste, etc. There was always something that didn’t capture us like this church does. In fact, as we consider whether to stay or go, one of the major down falls is that we would lose this church.  This is the only place we’ve ever felt at home and fully satisfies our spiritual needs/desires/tastes. I would absolutely love to see a church in Boone like the Gathering, and maybe, just maybe, we could be apart of that in some way. Maybe that is why we feel this calling. They didn’t mention reaching out that far, but still, God works outside our bounds. Again, it’s a big and scary idea. Mark and I seriously get nervous even thinking about the things God could be calling us to, but we’re learning and praying to put ourselves humbly before God, to just let Him work and for His desires to fill our hearts.

Our Paster Andrew was a huge encouragement to Mark and I today in many ways. Everyone we met today and talked more with was an encouragement in a different ways. We are so blessed to know these amazing people! This is what church is about. This is what being Christ’s body is about. For the first time in my life, I get it.

Be encouraged. I don’t know why that keeps playing over and over in my head and heart, but it is. Maybe it’s to speak to some one reading this, I do not know. Be encouraged.

She’s offically 7 months old now, as of this past Saturday, the 22nd.  7 months. Didn’t she just turn 6 months old, like, yesterday?  How does a whole month fly by so fast?

As usual, this past month has brought about many amazing things to our world as we watch Savannah grow.  She’s added getting to a sitting position by herself, pulling up on things to a standing position (particularly on Mommy), and yes, even crawling, to her fastly expanding list of things she can do.  She’s tried her first Gerber Puffs and chews with her two cute little bottom teeth, and working on feeding herself those puffs.  She does yoga moves and tricks to impress us.  She’s added “babababa” and “dadada” to her vocabulary.  Her two top teeth will be making their way through any day. All of which, bring complete and utter joy to us as her parents and many praises are made. 

It’s so funny now to think of her as the little baby she once was, her little personality has bloomed and she’s a member of our family, not just a sleepy blob.  This past weekend Mark and I went through pictures on our digital cameras to have them printed.  Before our eyes in minutes, she went from a curled up baby in my womb, to a screaming newborn just taking her first breathes of air, to now, a little girl that is getting more independent day by day.  It’s funny how you hardly recognize the suddle changes that take place as children, or even ourselves, grow until one stage has passed. We don’t see it as it’s happening really, but at a point when it’s too late to go back. 

I try every day to treasure how Savannah is in that moment. I know these moments will  never be back to warm my heart in the way they do now, as I witness things. Sure, I’ll have my memories and pictures, but she’ll never be able to revert back to how she is today.  Before I know it, she’ll be walking and talking and making my heart fill with joy in even more ways.   

 Treasure your moments. Life goes on way too fast.