I’m frustrated.  The more I do the research and more that I try to live a healthier life style…I keep getting slapped with the hidden truth and reality that my country (the USA) sucks at being healthy and therefore makes it difficult to be healthy.

Exhibit A: It’s now known that there is mercury in high fructose corn syrup (in addition to all the other risk factors of HFC). Which, makes me even more thankful that I’ve changed my diet and haven’t even touched HFC in nearly 3 weeks. But, my husband and daughter still eat whatever they want.  My daughter I could make the choice for her, but my husband? He’s set in his ways, he could care less and probably thinks I’m crazy for the holistic approach I’ve taken to life recently.

Exhibit B: I figured I’d get rid of the toxic products I’ve been using for years as well and traded my .99 cent Suave shampoo for a $8 Burt’s Bee’s shampoo.  The label sounded perfect, not only would my hair be full, voluminous and smell fabulous but it’d also be paraben free, SLS free, etc.  I was willing to spend $8 to get rid of those nasty cancer causing chemicals.  But oh, wait!  I went to Skindeep (cosmetic safety database) and decided to see if it truly was “better” and healthier than my cheap Suave. Guess what? It’s not. (See here for Burt’s Bees Very Voluminous rating, here for Suave clarifying) it has the same rating of moderate toxicity.  Sure, the label on Burt’s Bee’s is clear of harsh chemicals and looks perfect, but they hid the toxic stuff under the label “Perfume.”  Companies are allowed to not list “trade secrets” and they hid the crap under that secret code name.

Ever look at the ingredients of your make up or shampoo bottles?  Have you ever gone to cosmeticdatabase.com and looked at the facts in the face that just about every product that touches our skin is linked to cancer? And people wonder why our kids are dying of cancer at a young age, why it’s becoming like an epidemic, or why couples are more and more being diagnosed as infertile?  THIS is the reason, folks (or at least one of them). Because the companies we use ever single day are being allowed to put harsh chemicals in our products with no repercussions.  Sure, they may say it’s not that much used in the product but when we use them day after day, year after year it builds up. And why, if these chemicals are so bad for us have they not been banned? Europe has banned them. WHY NOT US?

I’m finding that more and more, as I do the research, that our lives are saturated with pure nastiness. Our face washes, house cleaners, laundry detergents.  You know that famous Johnston & Johnston baby shampoo you are using on your precious baby at bath time? Full of toxins. Even the food we eat! You would think shopping at a health food store that all the products they carry would be chemical free and safe, right? Wrong!  Some lotions clearly have parabens in them on their labels.  Companies like Burt’s Bees, Jasons, 7th Generation, Method, etc. that claim to be natural can still have harmful toxins. Why are companies stooping to these low levels? Oh, I know because they are more concerned about money than about the quality of products and health of their customers.

I’m just sick of this. Sick. I have read way too many blogs lately about kids dying from cancer all of a sudden. I’m tired of letting the beauty industry tell me and millions of other girls and women what products to use that will make us more beautiful, less wrinkly, smell great, etc. when really all the products do is lead us closer to death.

My point in sharing this with you folks: Do your research. Don’t continue living in a life saturated with chemicals that may harm you or children, now or later on in life.  Don’t let the beauty industry (or any industry) fool us any more, stand up with me. Get mad with me. Let’s change it.

P.S. I’ve received several comments from people upset that I’ve stopped blogging. That means a lot to me that I’m missed!  But I promise, I will continue blogging, but just need a break to let go of the pressure of having to do it. So from now on when I blog it’s because I want to, like with this post.

More Resources:

-Environmental Working Group

-High on Health

-America the Beautiful Documentary

-Food Matters Documentary

Today has truly been one of those days. You know the kind. The lack of sleep, screaming baby kind of day. Oy.

It started yesterday (though, yesterday wasn’t a bad day) at 6am I get up for school, had classes all day, get home at 10pm. And, finally get to sleep at 11pm after a long 16 hour day.

Then the fun begins: 12:30am Savannah is crying for me. I can tell it’s going to be a rough night so I take my pillows with me hoping I can get away with just being in the same room as her while sleeping.  That’s a no go.  Savannah is clearly wide awake, full of snot and cannot breathe so she decides to talk. And talk and talk.  So I decide to put on Peter Pan in hopes that will keep her entertained while she couldn’t sleep, so that I could sleep.  Again, the girl wouldn’t stop talking and called me to get up every 5 minutes for one reason or another.

2 Disney movies and 5 hours later, I finally convince her to snuggle with me and she falls asleep. But then, her stopped up nose is making her snore and I still can’t sleep!  I move her back to her crib and we both (finally) rest until 7am.  So let’s tally up mommy’s sleep total, shall we?  3.5 hours. Folks, I do not do well with lack of sleep. At all (Just ask my husband). But, some how God is carrying me through with an unnatural strength and patience that I do not own (again, just ask my husband). I am certain of it.

So, we wake up and she realizes Daddy isn’t home and the scream fest begins.  Calling Daddy on the phone wasn’t good enough, nothing was.  She normally doesn’t act like this (plus she’d been complaining of her head hurting, wasn’t eating much, stuffy nose, etc.), so I locked myself away from her screaming noise and called the Dr. to make an appointment.  Here is where the skies turn sunny again: she was actually good at the doctor’s office (unlike past experiences).  Hurrah!  We discovered she not only is teething her last set of molars, but has a cold and ear infection.  My poor girl.

Anyways, it’s an amazing thing to start out a day so crappy and exhausted, but see handprints of God throughout your day to lift your spirits. And carry you through when your eyes are half shut. I think I’ll take a nap when she does though. Yes, I think I deserve it.

Today was the last day of finals for Mark and I. That deserves a big woo hoo! Tomorrow begins a month’s worth of doing nothing but spending time with family. Ahhh…

However, this day has not been so good for the technology in my life. 

Exhibit A: My car.

I’m driving the 45 to school, on the high way, with a speedometer that is stuck on 20. So, I don’t know how fast I’m going, just going with the flow and praying I don’t get pulled over. This problem I’ve had for a while which is why I choose not to drive my car if possible, today I had to though.  It’s a gray day, extremely foggy and misty so I’ve got my windshield whippers on medium to keep a clear view. And suddenly, the windshield wipper FLIES OFF! On the high way!  The on the drivers side, of course. I laugh, cry, and thank God at the same time. Ya know, cause things could have really been bad if it was raining harder than it was.  So, I spend the rest of drive leaning over to the passenger side making sure I can see. It looks like an amputated little arm now, my poor car is literally falling aprart. Oh.

Exhibit B: My Computer

I get home for my long day of finals, check my email really quick and accept a blog comment, then go to give Savannah a bath. Then? I come back a few minutes later and it’s stuck on a black screen doing circles of commands.  I immedietely call my personal Geek Squad (aka, my Dad) and he tells me that it sounds like my hard drive is dying. Great. So all my picture, files, personal writings, important emails, past papers, scrapbooking supplies, etc. Gone.  And what I’m really kicking myself about? I had an external hard drive. If I would have taken the time to unwrap the box and use it, my stuff would still be alive.  *kicks self*

So, today I will muster up a “woo hoo” but my heart is really sinking way down to my shoes.  My baby, my lap top, is gone.  And I can’t afford a new one. Let’s have a moment of silence while I cry. No, seriously, I just might cry.

Are you kidding me?! I decided to go with Blurb since that was what people most recommended and they had a $10 off promo code for flickr.com members.  Here is the link to the code, and an image of it:

Now, do you see anything that says a total amount that you have to spend before you get the $10 off? Nope. Do you seen an asterisk or a link (trust me, there isn’t) that explains further details of the offer? Nope. Do you see ANY find print? Nope? Me neither.

So, I spent ALL day. Procrastinating from my homework in order to create this cute little book for a Christmas present for some one special.  I finally get it done hours later and go to check out…only to find that the code doesn’t work.  “Sorry, this promotion cannot be applied to this dollar amount.”

WHAT?  So I email tech support about it and they email with this sloppy excuse:

“Thank you for contacting us at Blurb. I’m terribly sorry for the inconvenience, the fine print on that promo should read as follows. “Purchase $29.95, get $10.00 off your product total. Share this promotion among 100000 friends. Each customer can use this promotion 1 time. Offer valid between 2008-11-09 and 2008-12-06. Promotion only valid for books created by the customer.”

Some one PLEASE tell me where this fine print is located?  Am I being totally ridiculous by simply wanting want this coupon SAYS not what is SHOULD say?  Isn’t it faulty of Blurb to leave out important details of the promotion? Shouldn’t I still get what exactly what the promo SAYS, since it’s their fault they left out the details? (And did you notice that the date he gave me is a different date than the promo image?)

Are you kidding me?! This is now THREE photo sites that have wasted my time in trying to create a photobook. Why do I have such rotten luck in this area? Or really, why do these sites just suck?

Seriously, tell me if I’m being ridiculous about this. And what to would do about it. Do I keep fighting for “justice”? It’s just not right.

Apparently, I am not meant to have a free photobook.  Last weekend, Inkubook was giving away free photobooks to readers of Simple Mom. So, I upload all the photos and patiently waited…and waited…and waited…

The program froze on me.  I got tired of waiting and just left it be, not wanting to try again and waste my time.  Plus, I knew that I still had a free book from Snapfish thanks to Oprah.

So, tonight I realized was the last day to take advantage of the Snapfish offer and I got to it. I just spent the last two-three hours carefully choosing the right photos (sorting through HUNDREDS).  I’d gotten through 10 pages of designing my book…and see that the credit isn’t in my account anymore.  WHAT?! I just wasted MORE of my time for nothing?  I’m not about to pay that huge chunk of money they now want me to pay. And? Even if I did want to order it? It’s now gone into the world of cyber space, never to be seen again. Even thought I hit ‘save.’

GAH, I’m ticked. Stop wasting my time photobook sites!

I confess, I didn’t get up at 6am for quiet time.  See, just as I was settling down to sleep last night, Savannah decided it was play time.  So, I didn’t get to sleep until 2am when I finally just left out of frustration and let her cry.  Oh, I do not miss these days. HOW did I ever survive the first year of her life when it was constantly like this?  I’m running off of 5 hours sleep today, can barely keep my eyes open, dealing with a whiny sick girl and I have so much to do. I just want to cry.

But, ya know, some how I’ll get through this day and just pray I don’t completely loose it.  Tomorrow, I will get up early again and thank God that this day is over.

Hope your Wednesday is better than mine!

A quiet conviction has been stirring in my heart recently, it’s been eating away at my soul and slowly I’ve reached a point I must do something.  See, we’ve been attending church the past 3 Sundays (which, is a record since school started back…) and each message has convicted me of how I use my time, talents, my parenting skills, money, etc. Especially last Sunday, it was a message about stewardship and how we are managers of the gifts God has given us. Not just money, but time.  And that right there is at the core of what’s eating at me today.

Let me share humbly with you of how a day typically looks at in my house right now when I’m not at school:

Savannah wakes up around 8, therefore so do I.  We eat breakfast together and then we go back up stairs, turn on the TV and she watches one of the various children shows while I check all my online “stuff.”  We do this for hours, until we take our showers, eat lunch, and then she goes to take a nap.  I then check all my online stuff yet again, getting distracted from my home duties like laundry and homework for school.  When Savannah wakes up we eat a snack and play, but eventually she’ll demand to watch “Princess” shows again.  When Mark is home, he gets sucked into xbox games.  I’m sucked into checking my online stuff, and Savannah demands to watch more DVD’s.  When Savannah goes to bed, Mark and I are doing the same ol’ thing to the point that it’s way past our bedtime, we didn’t make time for God what so ever, let alone for time as a couple. We get to bed at 11, exhausted and hardly even wanting to have a conversation.

Sure, some days we get out of the house and go play at the park and have more family time. But, do you see the issues here, as I do?  Electronics are tearing apart my family.  We let Savannah watch WAY too much TV for an not-even-a 2-year-old and that kills me. I’m too sucked into my own “need” and addiction of the computer that I’m not being the best parent or wife I can be.  In turn, she’s starting to act out more for attention, understandable. I’m so wrapped up in reading about other people’s lives that I’m missing out on the best gift God has given me: My family.  I’m just sick of it. I’m sick of letting life go by with my staring at this screen all day.  I’m tired of not being connected to God and being an example of Christ to Savannah. I’m tired of not feeling connected with my own husband. It’s time for a change.

So what am I going to do?  I’m taking a break for a week.  Of course, there are some things I do need the computer for, like for schooling, my little letter business, and the reviews I do. But all the other “stuff” that just feed me information about other’s lives like Facebook, Flickr, Google Reader, etc? Even this blog, for a week, I want to put it aside and use the time I would be “checking stuff” to devote to raising my child the right way, building a relationship with my family again, and in general just figuring out how God wants me to use my time.  Continuing to live as I do now is leading me no where, but to bitterness and frustration. I want to live with the glory of God shining through me and everything I do, this is not the way.

Don’t think this is the end of my blog, it’s not.  I truly believe that God gave me my passion for writing as a gift and tool for His glory, but first I have to figure out (or rather, allow Him to show me) the best way to use it. And quite frankly, if I didn’t have this blog and writing, I would go insane! So, I know blogging does have a place in my life. If you need me, email me. But if not, I shall be back in a week, hopefully sharing some enlightful stories of how God is working in our lives. Have a wonderful week!

P.S. While I’m away I will be meeting the lovely Victoria next weekend! I am super stoked, as she is such an inspiration for a God filled life and just a sweat, dear friend to me.  Look for pictures and stories about that as well :-)

See, back in August I was super stoked to find out that I won a blog makeover…for free! I’ve always wanted a personalized blog look, not just a layout that I adapt myself, as I have here now, with easy changes like headers and link colors.  You see, this blog isn’t just a blog to me, it’s my cyber home.  It’s my personal newspaper, my memory book, my photography portfolio, my digital scrapbooking page, my personal social network to meet other cool people.  And so, this blog deserves more than just a white canvas with outdated pictures of our family (from WAY over a year ago!), it deserves to express who I am as a person and what this blog stands for.

But, alas, the free prize fell through some how. The designer kept pushing back getting things done and eventually just stopped emailing me all together with design ideas and productivity. I’m sad and mad and just totally bummed.  But, I thought, “Hey! I’m good at learning things and good with designing things so let’s stretch myself and try to do what I want myself.”  And, it started out well. I got a beautiful header (thanks to the help of Little Dreamer Designs) and got it in place of the layout I chose.  But…things have ended sourly and I’m stuck.  The background image is HUGE, I can’t get the sidebars to change correctly to show my matching sidebar images, I can’t get the white space to disappear behind the header, etc. The list goes on and I’m done. Frustrated. See my bad work here (thank goodness it’s just my sample blog!).

I would totally pay some one to do it, but it’s just not in our ’2 college student and a toddler’ budget right now (Most designs run over $60! I’ve even seen into the hundreds! Crazy).  And so, what I need help with is this: Either you (or some one you can refer me to) use your nifty blog skills to help me figure out this mess to make it look good. Or, out of the kindness of your blog designing heart, create my dream layout for me (what I have started is NOT it, just something I could live with).

Please? Help? Referrals? Any kindness in those hearts?

We went away this weekend to visit the mountains again with family.  We stayed in a beautiful, cozy log cabin complete with a hot tub and a mountain view.  And I fell in love…with the silverware.

See…Mark and I have been married nearly a year and half but still live with the in-laws since we don’t have full time jobs. It’s been a huge blessing in our lives all around. But, that means that it wasn’t necessary to buy flatware with our wedding money since the in-laws already have plenty to use. I have kept my eye out for good deals or styles I might like to buy one day, but for the most part, nothing has moved me.  It’s been something like, “Eh, I could live with that.”

But this weekend, I opened the drawer to find a spoon to stir my tea and I was moved. I know it sounds so silly because it is “just” silverware, but man, I love this set. It has more of a comtemporary feel, with plain squared ends. But what I love is how unique they made the eating part, the spoons were more round like a soup spoon and everything was so sleek. It’s hard to explain.  So, I was excited to find the name of the company on the knife: Cambridge (apparently their motto is “Unforgettable Style.” No kidding!).  I took pictures of them, I wrote the name down.  I couldn’t wait to get home and buy this set that I love with all my little domestic heart.

But, I get home to find that the line is discontinued.  It’s not on the Cambridge website for sale, not on ebay, not even on Reclacements, Ltd (but, luckily they have a store here in NC that I may go see if it’s there).  I’ve looked for other flatware that has a similar style, but still, it’s something that “would do” and not what I love. And now, I’ve even resorted to emailing the cabin rental company to see if the owners would be willing to sell the set to me (lol!) and they could buy new silverware with the money I give them. I really, really love it that much.

Any ideas for what else to do? Where to look?  It’s called Everest Mirror (it’s 18/8, I believe) by Cambridge Silversmiths. This is what they look like, thanks to my camera phone. Trust me, they are more sleek and beautiful in person.

I need to go study so I won’t get a C on my two tests tomorrow…but before I do that…I just had to share what my crazy girl did.  I’m laughing at how silly she is, so that I won’t break down in tears.

See, for the past 2 and half weeks we have been trying, unsuccessfully, to switch  her to the big girl bed.  We decided to make the move, even though she is just 18 months old, because she was extremely close to climbing out and we feared breakage of the neck.  The first night it took 2 hours to get her to sleep, but she did it and slept through the entire night. The next day, she took a nap in her new bed. I was hopeful, frustrated but hopeful.

Since then, she’s slept in her bed only a handful of times.  The second night she sobbed and sobbed so I bought back out the pack-n-play crib to ease her fears.  This process by far has been the most frustrating and hardest thing I’ve had to deal with as a parent. Some nights she screams bloody murder about going to bed, some nights she falls asleep without any problems, some nights she just plays and plays and plays until we just have to put her in the crib so we can go to bed ourselves.

We have seen improvement in that she knows now to stay in bed when we say to, but it’s still a battle pretty much every single time.  She chooses to sleep in her bed, but when she doesn’t listen and tries to get up, she’s warned that she will go into her crib.  Sometimes it works, mostly it doesn’t, and she just ends up in her pack-n-play crib because that’s pretty much the only place she’ll readily go to sleep now.  It takes anywhere from 45-2 hours to get her to sleep now and it’s wearing us thin.

We’ve tried everything. The girl is just the most hard headed thing (really, I don’t know where she gets it).  If we try to discipline her with “popping” her bottom or hand she just laughs at us and does it again.  Oh, we are doomed as we head into the terrible twos. Nothing works with her.

Our Dr. recommend just leaving her in her room (baby proofed) with a gate so she cannot get out. He said she may play, but eventually she should go to sleep.  Sounds good, right? Logically, that’s the only thing that worked when we were training her to sleep in her crib throughout the night as well. But, I don’t know if this will work. Today, after an hour of her playing alone I came into this:

What am I going to do with her?!  And seriously, please, please give me some advice on how to get her to sleep.  Once she lets herself fall asleep, she’s great and sleeps through the night. She just won’t let herself get to that point most nights unless she’s in her crib. She’s too distracted by her cool shutter doors, or her baby doll.

Perhaps that’s the answer right there. Take away all the fun stuff like toys and stuffed animals (and hide the dirty clothes….) so it’s less enticing to play. I want her to be bored and go to bed. It could work. Maybe?

HELP! How did you make the switch? How long did it take?