(haha. I’m so original with titles, I know.)

I can’t believe it’s already been a week since arriving in Indiana for our visit and, you guessed it, my best friend’s wedding. What I can’t believe even more is that it’s been over 4 years since we first met face to face. By the grace of God, I found a MSN message board called “Adoptions of Love” while I was pregnant with Kaylee. And on that board I came across Breanna, who had a daughter she placed in an open adoption. We immediately became close friends and had so many similarities (from calling our daughter’s “Baby Girl”, to our favorite meal is pot roast and mashed potatoes). For Kaylee’s birth, she and her mom drove the 14 hours to be by my side as I went through the hardest weekend of my life. She was there when I signed my rights away, encouraging me and crying with me. She was the only one in that room who truly knew what I was going through, and it meant the world to me to have her there. Even after she left for home and months after Kaylee’s birth, she was the one I called when I missed Kaylee so much that all I could do was cry and she would listen. We used to be able to visit more often, but as we’ve grown up, our lives have gotten busier. So to spend this past weekend with a dear friend like Breanna, and the honor of getting to share in her special day, was truly a blessed time for me.

Last Wednesday we left home and headed to Tennessee to start our visit out with Mark’s brother and his wife. I didn’t cry when we drove away and left Savannah behind (Oh, yes, I did), though I did consider changing plans at last minute and pack her up with us! Our drive wasn’t too bad, 7.5ish, and we each drove half way. Once arriving in the beautiful TN, it was a short and simple visit, but still enjoyable.

I also spent the night texting Jill (who had a root canal this morning so go give her some love!) from Live, Laugh, Blog to make plans because we (or I?) was too shy to call. And so, my in-laws joked that Jill would actually turn up to be some scary kidnaping ice cream lady since I only know her from online. But finally, she did call me (and I had proof she wasn’t a man or a scary lady) and we made plans and wha-la! I got to meet Jill and her two cute daughters for a yummy brunch at Cracker Barrel the next day. And I can tell you, she is as sweet in person as she is on her blog. But of course, silly me forgot to take a picture! Even though I had clearly made a point to put my camera in my purse. Oy.

Thursday we made the 3 hour trip to Indiana but, we got there earlier than planned and Bre was out running errands, so 2 hours later she finally arrived. And I have to say, even after not seeing her for over a year, we immediately were just how we left each other: Comfortable friends. Meaning, it wasn’t awkward. That just amazes me! I also got to spend a lot of time with Bre’s daughter and adoptive parents. Which, they are awesome and I loved watching all of them interact together.

Friday we got our nails done for $7.00 being the cheapo’s we are. And now we know why it was only $7.00: they sucked. We all went home and redid them our selves and it looked more professional than the salon job’s. We also decorated the reception space, which looked amazing. Bre chose beautiful colors (pink and brown), flowers, and fabrics (with her mother’s help, I’m sure!) so everything looked really simple, but elegant. We went through the motions of rehearsal and then went off to dinner (which was absolutely one of the best meals I’ve ever had!).

Saturday came before we knew it and Breanna surprising was really calm throughout the day. We got our hair done at 12. I loved my hair, it was the prettiest I think it’s ever been done. And ya know, Bre’s and the other ladies’ were beautiful as well. We all got ready, had pictures done, etc. We all shoved down some lunch, got all pretty, dressed and took pictures. Breanna looked gorgeous with her long train and beautiful curly hair.

And ya know, Mark and I looked pretty good too. I was worried Mark was going to be bored this whole trip but he was amazing. He bonded with the other guys in the house, took pictures for Bre, helped iron clothes. Bre’s Mom even told me one night, “You are one lucky girl to have a guy like him! He irons!” Indeed, I am lucky.

I also found something interesting in my dinner: A heart in my chip! Surely, it’s a sign from God that good things are destined for Breanna and Aaron, right? Right now she and her new husband are probably enjoying the sun down in Jamaica (Is anyone else jealous? I am!). Sounds like a great start to a new life together already :-)

Congrats Breanna and Aaron!

It’s with bittersweet sadness and joy for me to post that we’re home again. Mark and I had a wonderful visit with Breanna and her family, but man, we’re tired. Of course, I’ll post more about that later when I have more time, I have pictures uploaded, and I get settled in. We still have not seen Savannah yet as she is napping right now, but I’m sure she will be bouncing off the walls when she sees us again :-) We sure did miss her!

Also, while I was on vacation I apparently won a blog makeover from You, Me, and a Baby! My blog certainly needs a new look and a touch of “me” to it, so I’m thrilled that I won such a prize. It came at the perfect time, since that’s what I wanted for my birthday coming up :-) Any ideas for what I should do? I need help dreaming of what would be fitting for this little place of mine.

I’ll be back soon with a real update and pictures! Hope your weekend was as blessed as mine :-)

Yes, one year ago today…this was our day.

(Hint: If you’d like to hear the beautiful Cannon by Pacabel that I walked down the isle to, click the little speaker button in the bottom left corner of the slide show. When you’re done, you can click it again to turn the music off)

And today, it is again as we celebrate our 1st wedding anniversary! As I’m writing this, one year ago I was finishing up my final beauty touches and waiting patiently (or…trying…) to begin walking down the isle. The ceremony was set to start at 11 am. I remember those last few moments as a single woman being completely excited, yet oh-so-nervous. I remember peaking around the stair case to glance at my soon to be husband and him not seeing me. I remember hearing the cuing music and taking my Dad’s arm as we began the walk and him saying, “You’re doing good, you haven’t tripped yet!” Oh, those sweet moments.

It was a most wonderful day, perfect in every way. The weather cooperated, the birds sang, people showed up to share our joy, we had our best friends and family surrounding us, I didn’t trip, I didn’t sob during the whole ceremony, Mark didn’t shove cake on my face, I danced with my daughter…and most importantly I married my best friend . Yes, it was a perfect day.

I’ve heard it a million times: The first year is always the toughest. It wasn’t that bad for us, though we certainly have faced our challenges. A new baby, living with the in-laws, both full time students, sicknesses, too many clothes to fold, etc. But really? I wouldn’t have it any other way. God has blessed us in many ways and helped us through so much.

Here’s to us, Sweetie, and may this next year be even sweeter than this past one. I love you.

(Now excuse me while I ago cry, I can’t believe it’s already been a year)

First off, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I hope it’s been a great day of pampering and loving on your own mom and/or getting pampered and honored yourself! My family certainly has done a lot for me this weekend, with beautiful flowers and funny cards, but certainly the high light has been my experience with Birth Mom Buds.

It’s funny how in such a short amount of time, less than 24 hours, you can make so many new connections and quickly come to feel as if you’ve known people forever. It’s a wonderful feeling to instantly “click” with people, which I feel is the hand of God at work giving us the blessing as a whole to be able to support each other. It was such an up lifting, fun filled, emotional and transparent 24 hours.

For me, the fun started Friday night as my Mom drove into town and we met up with 5 other ladies (all birth moms but one, one being the lovely Coley who is Bmom Bud’s Founder). It was my first time meeting these ladies face to face, so I was a bit shy and nervous but thankfully there were some outgoing personalities in our group! Dinner was the most amazing meal I’ve eaten in a long time. Like, Food Network top chief quality with the beautiful presentation and everything. Yum. It was a good time to get to know each other a bit more, hear about their stories, share my own and realize how it really can be a small world.

The next day the official Birth Mother’s Day Event started in the morning, where we were immediately greeted with gift bags (and the whole day was filled with give aways!). We all introduced ourselves with a brief telling of who we are, our children, type of adoption, etc. Everyone had their own story and experiences, from 20 year old children in closed adoptions to only 2 months post placement. It was really neat to see that we all have differences but our choice in adoption brings us together and that unifying experience leads us to help and lean on each other.

We had breakout sessions, one which I lead about journaling about how it can be a great tool for dealing with grief, stress, etc. It went really well and there was some great interaction with others and creative production of poems going on! Another successful speaking event = check!

After our (yummy) lunch we wrote a short prayer/note for our children, tied it to a balloon and let them float to heaven. I released on in honor of Kaylee and for my friend’s daughter, Eden (hi Bre!). Then we listened to several great speakers, one was an adult adoptee that was in a closed adoption but now has been reunited and what that was like. It was really, really validating to hear from the mouth of an adoptee that she is okay and that she is so, so thankful for what her birth mother did for her. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear those words from own daughter’s mouth, but it will be a glorious day if/when she does. Not that I have any doubts in my heart or mind that I did the wrong thing, but to hear from her that I did and her accepting that in her heart and mind, that will be powerful. One of the other speakers was Robyn who had a closed adoption and recently reunited with her son after 19 years. It was a tough story to listen to, but so inspiring as well.

We watched the famous Birth Mom Buds slide show, and then later gathered in a circle to light candles in honor of our children while saying a prayer for them. It was beautiful to see so many women standing together pouring out their hearts in love and willing to be transparent with each other. Not just in this circle, but throughout the whole day.

It was hard to say goodbye, I really did not want the fun and closeness to end. I believe some one said at some point that it was a place filled with love, and it certainly was! On my home a song came on the radio called, “Be still and Know I’m Here” and while this is a Christian song meant to to be about God, I felt it captured this weekend’s experience perfectly. Towards the end of the song, it repeats” We are not alone” several times in such an up lifting way. As a birth mother, I don’t often come in face to face contact with others that share my experience, joys and pain of adoption. But that 24 hours? Was one where it became a reality that there are others out there (and in my own city!) that know what it’s like and we can lean on each other. We are not alone.

So, if anyone is reading this from Birth Mom Buds that I met this weekend, this is a huge thanks to all of you and how wonderful you made this weekend for me. I look forward to our next meeting, and I hope it will be soon! And of course, thanks to my Mom for making it financially possible to attend, giving me encouragement and making this weekend even more special with her presence.

Next from Momma O: A Mother’s Day post.

One of my dearest friends, Breanna, is wanting to become a consultant of Lia Sophia Jewelry and needs some help getting started. Unfortunately, we’re not in a financial place where I can justify buying this kind of stuff to Mark right now, but I thought I could at least help by passing the information along to you ladies! Or guys, Mother’s Day present for that Mom or special lady? Birthday?

This looks like awesome jewelry, with even a life time replacement guarantee, nice! Also, every third item is 1/2 off (your most expensive item getting this). You can view the catalog online here (the spring collection has some super cute stuff).  Then, email  Breanna with the page number, style number, and name of what you want and she will place the order for you!

Bre’s email: breanna.conner@gmail.com

Thanks!

I’m a little late posting this (school is consuming me), but I thought it was important to share regardless.

I have an online friend, Hillary, that I’ve known since I was pregnant with Kaylee. She was there via instant messenger to support me through both my pregnancies. We were pregnant with our second children at the same time. We’ve shared experiences that are the same, and many more experiences that are different but it’s our children and faith that bring us together.

This woman has been through a lot in the years I’ve known her. Her second son, Liam, was born last April 9th, happy and healthy as could be and when I came back from my honeymoon I found out that he had died of SIDS. He died on May 17th for unknown reasons. I felt awful that while I was rejoicing in my new marriage, she was heartbroken with grief for her 5 and half week old. I cannot even imagine what this past year has been like for her and her family, coming to terms with his very early loss. It makes me treasure Savannah even more.

This past Wednesday was April 9th, which would be Liam’s first birthday. In honor of him, Hillary asked that people write a note to him and release balloons. Mark’s brother and I did just that. We each wrote a note that I will be mailing to Hillary for her scrapbook, and captured the release on camera to send to her as well. I hope Liam enjoyed his balloons as he watched from above.

Please also keep this family in your prayers. I know this is a very emotional time for Hillary and her son Jayden (4 years old). With Hillary’s loss and the loss of baby Audrey, death and grief has been surrounding us lately, even in one of my classes we’re discussing death. It frightens me how quickly and unexplained someone can be taken away. I know that’s where God should come in to bring healing and comfort, but some times that’s hard to accept.

(Yes, I know presence is spelled wrong. It’s my curse. I can’t spell or use grammar correctly.)

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As a side note (or under note?) Another friend over at Live, Laugh, Blog is having an awesome giveaway!  Go check it out and lift those spirits back up.

Remember that vacation I needed?  Well, I’m getting it.  Though, It’ll be going to mountains, snow and even more coldness rather than the beachy warm area…but hey! It’s a vacation non-the-less.

It was intended for Mark and I to go up to the mountains together as a couple and spend time with friends and get a weekend away from Savannah (not that we want to get away from Savannah, we do love her!  But, it’s still nice to sleep the whole night through and worry  just about our selves for a day or two). However, due to tests and things, he cannot make it.  It just wasn’t wise to go away for the weekend and not study for a huge test. I almost skimped out on the trip as well, and then I got another message from a dear friend saying how excited she was to see me, and I realized how much I missed her and just couldn’t let her down. So by golly, I’ll just drive myself!

And so, I’ll get a weekend of no kids, no responsibilities besides taking care of myself. A full night’s sleep, beautiful views, good food and company. And maybe, even some skiing.

Savannah will be well taken care of by her Dad and grandparents.  I sure will miss my little girl and husband, though. But, yes, it will be nice to get away for a while.