It’s official, we’re finally home owners as of yesterday!  It went smooth and quickly once we (we, meaning my awesome “team” of people working while I sat around stressed) got over some speed bumps.  Is it worth that stress in the end? Yes.

In fact, I was a little sad when it was all signed and keys delivered that the process was over.  As I mentioned before, I had a great realtor and I told her I will miss driving around on the weekends and exchanging a bazillion emails everyday.  It’s kind of like getting married, you look forward to it and plan for months, waiting and waiting, and finally it gets here. It’s a burst of excitement and then, boom. It’s over!  It’s weird having met another “first” milestone in my life. I feel like an adult, yet also like I’m playing an elaborate game of pretend house.

Is this really ours?

Did I really get to pick my own kitchen color?

Are these really my own dishes? Finally out of boxes after three years?

Is this really my own daughter in her own future big girl cotton candy pink room?

Why, yes. Yes it is. Crazy.

My uncle started the painting process just hours after we signing the papers. It’s looking amazing and feels more cozy already.  I can’t wait to get our furniture in there to really see what it looks like as “ours” (don’t worry, I’ll post pictures!)  However, move-in date was postponed to next weekend because of the closing delays and now we’ve supposedly got winter weather coming. But, the good news is that gives us time to have a brand new washer and dryer delivered, the paint will all be finished, we’ll have blinds up, and hopefully it won’t be 15 degree weather to haul things around in. The bad news is, that will only give me TWO weeks to get the house looking decent before Savannah huge birthday party (our RSVP’d guest list is at 22 right, could be up to 35. I hope yall like to stand or sit on the floor!) Things happen for a reason, I just have to keep telling myself that.

Have I mentioned how blessed I feel? Thank you, God!

I may not be holding babies in my arms right now like I should be, but God has given us another blessing this week (what great timing He has!) that makes my heart leap with joy and possibilities.

(I wanted to put a big red bow on it but Flickr wouldn’t let me without paying, so a Santa hat will have to do)

Since we had Savannah at 19 and still in college, Mark’s parents have been amazing in letting us stay with them for the past 3 years as we finish school and get on our feet.  Now, finally, it’s time to move out. And while I’m so incredibly grateful we had this time and extra hands to help out, we’re so ready to have our own place! This is all happening a little sooner than planned (originally wanted to move after I graduate in May), but this house and the price were too perfect to pass up. We’re all so excited! Savannah is excited about getting a “princess room,” she’s already planning on having it be purple  (it was pink last week, what will it be by the time we actually paint?)

Now I need to start working on that kitchen table!  And…packing…that doesn’t sound like fun though…

Today is an important day.  Not just because of the USA’s change of power and that our new president is the first African American of our history, but because today it snowed!  Which, therefore marks history in our little family’s memories as it was Savannah’s first experience with it. And, Mark and I were just plain excited to see snow again as it’s not been around these parts for a few years besides flurries. To see snow stick is amazing!  Mark tried to go to work but couldn’t get there and had to turn around so he got to experience this first with us. And we only have 2 inches or less. Go ahead and laugh, Northerners.  It’s not a whole lot, but enough to still enjoy the beauty and fun of it.

Behold our snow bunny, who just finished her first sled ride. Clearly, she’s ready to go again:

And then she discovered that snow tastes good. And she wouldn’t stop eating it, even to sled or play. “It’s yummy, mmm good!:

Also? Thank goodness for hand me downs. Since we hadn’t seen a “good” snow (again, you may laugh if you wish) in years I didn’t think to buy any snow gear. But, I remembered I saw a snow suit in her stash of hand me downs some where, and it was just the right size!  I was stumped with what to do about snow boots, we definitely don’t have any of those, and then I remembered that Kaylee had given Savannah her old pair of Barbie boots that would work (although, they are still too big).  They aren’t made for snow but they definitely do the job better than tennis shoes! And me? I’ve yet to unpack my snow gear (except my snow boots) from my college days in the mountains, so I had to do with 3 pairs of pants on (boy, I looked more meaty than normal).

And so that’s our excitment of the day.  Making memories. And dealing with the worse melt-down (no pun intended) of this new year when we had to come inside because her little cheeks and hands were freezing. Eventually watching snow fall through the window was good enough.

21 has seemed to be the magic number for us adults in the O house.  It is apparently just as I thought, you turn 21 and you start feeling old.  And now, apparently my body thinks it’s time to get old too, and so does my husband’s. We’re both finding more and more gray hairs by the day!  Crazy.  And so, I was trying to figure out why now. Why at 21?

1. We’re stressed.

2. We became husband and wife and parents in the same year, at 19 years old.

3. We’re trying to balance the hectic life of finishing school and parenting a nearly 2 year old.

4. We’re just getting older. (I know older people are smirking right now, but I don’t feel 21!)

Of course there are plenty of people who start going gray even before they finish high school, with no kids around. I just thought it wouldn’t happen to me since both of my parents have hardly gone gray yet, I thought I’d luck out and have naturally brown hair for at least 20 more years. And really, I guess I could, but it just boggles my mind that the process has started already!

When did you start noticing those wisdom hairs?

(Now off to study for my three tests this week to gain even more wisdom hairs)

I need to go study so I won’t get a C on my two tests tomorrow…but before I do that…I just had to share what my crazy girl did.  I’m laughing at how silly she is, so that I won’t break down in tears.

See, for the past 2 and half weeks we have been trying, unsuccessfully, to switch  her to the big girl bed.  We decided to make the move, even though she is just 18 months old, because she was extremely close to climbing out and we feared breakage of the neck.  The first night it took 2 hours to get her to sleep, but she did it and slept through the entire night. The next day, she took a nap in her new bed. I was hopeful, frustrated but hopeful.

Since then, she’s slept in her bed only a handful of times.  The second night she sobbed and sobbed so I bought back out the pack-n-play crib to ease her fears.  This process by far has been the most frustrating and hardest thing I’ve had to deal with as a parent. Some nights she screams bloody murder about going to bed, some nights she falls asleep without any problems, some nights she just plays and plays and plays until we just have to put her in the crib so we can go to bed ourselves.

We have seen improvement in that she knows now to stay in bed when we say to, but it’s still a battle pretty much every single time.  She chooses to sleep in her bed, but when she doesn’t listen and tries to get up, she’s warned that she will go into her crib.  Sometimes it works, mostly it doesn’t, and she just ends up in her pack-n-play crib because that’s pretty much the only place she’ll readily go to sleep now.  It takes anywhere from 45-2 hours to get her to sleep now and it’s wearing us thin.

We’ve tried everything. The girl is just the most hard headed thing (really, I don’t know where she gets it).  If we try to discipline her with “popping” her bottom or hand she just laughs at us and does it again.  Oh, we are doomed as we head into the terrible twos. Nothing works with her.

Our Dr. recommend just leaving her in her room (baby proofed) with a gate so she cannot get out. He said she may play, but eventually she should go to sleep.  Sounds good, right? Logically, that’s the only thing that worked when we were training her to sleep in her crib throughout the night as well. But, I don’t know if this will work. Today, after an hour of her playing alone I came into this:

What am I going to do with her?!  And seriously, please, please give me some advice on how to get her to sleep.  Once she lets herself fall asleep, she’s great and sleeps through the night. She just won’t let herself get to that point most nights unless she’s in her crib. She’s too distracted by her cool shutter doors, or her baby doll.

Perhaps that’s the answer right there. Take away all the fun stuff like toys and stuffed animals (and hide the dirty clothes….) so it’s less enticing to play. I want her to be bored and go to bed. It could work. Maybe?

HELP! How did you make the switch? How long did it take?

Oh, the blessings I find in hand-me-down clothes. Not only has it saved me hundreds of dollars (as I have only had to buy pajamas and if there was a special occasion. Other wise, right now Savannah is covered up until 3 years old, and we keep getting more to stash away!) but it also occasionally brings me sentimental items. Most of Kaylee’s clothes has been passed down to Savannah and one day I found this treasure: Kaylee’s 1st Birthday dress.

So this weekend, Savannah wore it to Kaylee’s 4th birthday. It’s crazy how the time has flown by…

Whoa! I wrote this article back in February or so, submitted it, and never heard back from Hybrid Mom. I just found it through a search engine, and it was published on there! And some one commented :-)

I know it’s just a small step in a writer’s world, but it’s still exciting to know that some one else thought it was good enough to put up publicly. And, some one found it inspiring.

First off, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I hope it’s been a great day of pampering and loving on your own mom and/or getting pampered and honored yourself! My family certainly has done a lot for me this weekend, with beautiful flowers and funny cards, but certainly the high light has been my experience with Birth Mom Buds.

It’s funny how in such a short amount of time, less than 24 hours, you can make so many new connections and quickly come to feel as if you’ve known people forever. It’s a wonderful feeling to instantly “click” with people, which I feel is the hand of God at work giving us the blessing as a whole to be able to support each other. It was such an up lifting, fun filled, emotional and transparent 24 hours.

For me, the fun started Friday night as my Mom drove into town and we met up with 5 other ladies (all birth moms but one, one being the lovely Coley who is Bmom Bud’s Founder). It was my first time meeting these ladies face to face, so I was a bit shy and nervous but thankfully there were some outgoing personalities in our group! Dinner was the most amazing meal I’ve eaten in a long time. Like, Food Network top chief quality with the beautiful presentation and everything. Yum. It was a good time to get to know each other a bit more, hear about their stories, share my own and realize how it really can be a small world.

The next day the official Birth Mother’s Day Event started in the morning, where we were immediately greeted with gift bags (and the whole day was filled with give aways!). We all introduced ourselves with a brief telling of who we are, our children, type of adoption, etc. Everyone had their own story and experiences, from 20 year old children in closed adoptions to only 2 months post placement. It was really neat to see that we all have differences but our choice in adoption brings us together and that unifying experience leads us to help and lean on each other.

We had breakout sessions, one which I lead about journaling about how it can be a great tool for dealing with grief, stress, etc. It went really well and there was some great interaction with others and creative production of poems going on! Another successful speaking event = check!

After our (yummy) lunch we wrote a short prayer/note for our children, tied it to a balloon and let them float to heaven. I released on in honor of Kaylee and for my friend’s daughter, Eden (hi Bre!). Then we listened to several great speakers, one was an adult adoptee that was in a closed adoption but now has been reunited and what that was like. It was really, really validating to hear from the mouth of an adoptee that she is okay and that she is so, so thankful for what her birth mother did for her. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear those words from own daughter’s mouth, but it will be a glorious day if/when she does. Not that I have any doubts in my heart or mind that I did the wrong thing, but to hear from her that I did and her accepting that in her heart and mind, that will be powerful. One of the other speakers was Robyn who had a closed adoption and recently reunited with her son after 19 years. It was a tough story to listen to, but so inspiring as well.

We watched the famous Birth Mom Buds slide show, and then later gathered in a circle to light candles in honor of our children while saying a prayer for them. It was beautiful to see so many women standing together pouring out their hearts in love and willing to be transparent with each other. Not just in this circle, but throughout the whole day.

It was hard to say goodbye, I really did not want the fun and closeness to end. I believe some one said at some point that it was a place filled with love, and it certainly was! On my home a song came on the radio called, “Be still and Know I’m Here” and while this is a Christian song meant to to be about God, I felt it captured this weekend’s experience perfectly. Towards the end of the song, it repeats” We are not alone” several times in such an up lifting way. As a birth mother, I don’t often come in face to face contact with others that share my experience, joys and pain of adoption. But that 24 hours? Was one where it became a reality that there are others out there (and in my own city!) that know what it’s like and we can lean on each other. We are not alone.

So, if anyone is reading this from Birth Mom Buds that I met this weekend, this is a huge thanks to all of you and how wonderful you made this weekend for me. I look forward to our next meeting, and I hope it will be soon! And of course, thanks to my Mom for making it financially possible to attend, giving me encouragement and making this weekend even more special with her presence.

Next from Momma O: A Mother’s Day post.

There’s too much to do today. With Friday and Saturday packed full of birthday stuff, Mark and I are left trying to balance a lot of studying and homework and watch Savannah at the same time. So quickly…

Savannah’s birthday party went very well. It was an extremely long and busy day, but I think (and hope) everyone enjoyed it. Savannah loved the attention, she completely demolished her cake (ending up all in her hair), and I know she loved playing with all the other kids. She also racked up a good bit for her college fund, sweet!

Mark’s Mom and I worked hard on getting the house decorated and getting the extremely easy food together. We made mini home made pizzas that were a huge hit, along with a chili cheese dip and brown sugar/cream cheese fruit dip.

Kaylee and her family came, some special moments were shared between us. Kaylee asked to hold Savannah as soon as she got here and they sat together for a good while looking at toys and books (pictured below). Melted my heart. Later Kaylee snuck away to play in Savannah’s room and I came to play with her, where we read book after book. At cake time the kids had a fight over who got the first piece and Kaylee’s argument was, “She’s my little sister, I should get the first piece!” Though, she totally doesn’t “get” what that means because she refused to believe that she came from my tummy. Oh well, one day.

And of course, the cake was gorgeous and tasted even better. I just had to share how awesome it turned out! It’s exactly what I had hoped for. Of course it did travel 3 1/2 hours here with my parents so it does have a few flaws (cracks), but well worth it! Savannah had so much fun making a mess (and not get in trouble for it!). It was everywhere!

It was so wonderful to spend the day with family and friends. She was wiped out by the end of the night, as was I (but neither of us slept good. Those molars are some pesky teeth! 4:45 am is not a fun hour to get up for the day). One birthday down, many more to go (I pray). It’s kind of fun, ya know?

Adding on to the feeling of coming unglued…my daughter is officially 11 months old and 1 day. *cries*

I keep flashing back to a year ago, myself with a HUGE (and I mean painfully huge…) baby belly. The picture to the left is me a year ago, the day I turned 9 months pregnant with one month until her birth. Having just moved out of the maternity home (I don’t think I’ve written much about that…maybe I should.) and into Mark’s parent’s house by the grace of God. I spent my days washing, folding and organizing hand me down baby clothes, trying to make her little space just perfect. And then I refolded and reorganized some more. I was quiet and kept to my self, because it’s kind awkward when you first move in with your fiance’s parents. My back always hurt like crazy, so the heating pad was my best friend. I couldn’t sleep due to the massive belly, elbows nudging my tight skin from the inside, and horrible (HORRIBLE!) indigestion (and to think I want to do this all again?).

Yes, I was ready for Savannah to come.

And then I think about meeting and holding my little girl for the first time. I’d done that part before with Kaylee, but the kicker was coming home with Savannah and I was an official parent. The sleepless nights, up every 2 hours trying to master breastfeeding and contain the yellow oozing poo. It was quite the adventure that I don’t know how we survived. And my heart just sighs because I can hardly remember that little tiny baby I once held. We used to spend hours sitting in the rocking chair her feeding, me staring. So new and precious. The wild, crazy, laughing girl I see now is totally different. She is not a tiny baby anymore, she’s a little toddler. It’s hard to let go of that, but it’s a wonderful thing as well.

And thus, more reason for my heavy heart and sad days lately. My little girl is growing up way too fast.

How has it already been a year?