I mentioned earlier that I’ve read 3 books so far and I had to share what I’ve learned. It’s amazes how stories help reveal things in your own life.

The best so far was “A Time to Dance” by Karen Kingsbury (Any book by her you can’t go wrong, she’s amazing). It’s about a married couple on the brink of divorce and how God brought them back together when they thought it was too late. I have to admit, at times it made me angry to read and watch how silly they were being. Not speaking to each other or when they did it was rudely, or didn’t listen to what the other was trying to say, one character was practically cheating on the other, ignoring God, etc. And yet they both obviously still loved one another. It made me realize that often that is me (not cheating or anything serious!). Whether it’s being too busy sitting here blogging or reading other’s blogs to spend time with Mark some nights, or saying something without thinking, it can put a wedge between us that eventually could build up to be worse if not addressed. Thankfully, Mark is pretty good about being honest and up front about issues like that. It made me see how truly painful divorce can be and that I never, ever want to experience that first hand. It’s made me very thankful for the man I married and work harder to be the best wife I can be.

It also reflected my relationship with God at times (more often that I’d like), where clearly He knows the right path for my life and yet I keep ignoring Him and His commands. As I was reading it was like seeing life through God’s eyes almost…knowing what could be if they would just accept it and not letting pride get in the way. I also felt like God does sometimes when looking down at his people making the wrong choices. Angry, sad, and hurt. Thankfully, they did accept God’s truth and ways in the end and things turned out with lessons learned and blessings just as God promises for our lives.

I’m looking forward to reading the sequel, “A Time to Embrace” as soon as it arrives at my library.

I haven’t posted anything about our money stresses because well…anybody could read my blog and that’s not something everyone needs to know! But, I just have to share this and how faithful God is.  Let’s just say I didn’t know if I would be able to go back to school this fall, let alone pay for Savannah’s diapers.  As our funds lowered, I was getting more scared and stressed. Job opportunities for me weren’t working out, the government stimulus check was taking forever to get here, then Mark has a car accident on top of all this, etc.

Last night nearly in tears I began my search for scholarships, almost began writing some essays that never win, when I decided to check my school account just in case. And there it was: money waiting for me to accept from the government. Let’s just say between the money Mark and I will receive for school and from his job, it not only provides enough to pay for college but also for me to be able to stay at home with Savannah for the summer and through the school year (when I’m not in classes, of course).  God is so good!

Literally, I think God was waiting for me to just stop and trust when there was nothing left.  I knew He would provide, but it just took longer than I thought!  All in God’s own time.  I’m so, so thankful and grateful for His blessings on our little family.  He knew our desires, He knew our stresses, and He took the burden off and provided as He promises. Praises to God.

I’m very content with where I am right now, right where I need to be, at home with my girl.  Obviously, getting priorities straight helps out in life. Thank you, God, for always being there when I return.

—-

P.S. Mark’s Mom is fine. Swelling and bruising more by the second but she’s still in good spirits and got the good news that there were no broken bones or conclusion. She’s just got to let it heal.

Whoa! I wrote this article back in February or so, submitted it, and never heard back from Hybrid Mom. I just found it through a search engine, and it was published on there! And some one commented :-)

I know it’s just a small step in a writer’s world, but it’s still exciting to know that some one else thought it was good enough to put up publicly. And, some one found it inspiring.

First off, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I hope it’s been a great day of pampering and loving on your own mom and/or getting pampered and honored yourself! My family certainly has done a lot for me this weekend, with beautiful flowers and funny cards, but certainly the high light has been my experience with Birth Mom Buds.

It’s funny how in such a short amount of time, less than 24 hours, you can make so many new connections and quickly come to feel as if you’ve known people forever. It’s a wonderful feeling to instantly “click” with people, which I feel is the hand of God at work giving us the blessing as a whole to be able to support each other. It was such an up lifting, fun filled, emotional and transparent 24 hours.

For me, the fun started Friday night as my Mom drove into town and we met up with 5 other ladies (all birth moms but one, one being the lovely Coley who is Bmom Bud’s Founder). It was my first time meeting these ladies face to face, so I was a bit shy and nervous but thankfully there were some outgoing personalities in our group! Dinner was the most amazing meal I’ve eaten in a long time. Like, Food Network top chief quality with the beautiful presentation and everything. Yum. It was a good time to get to know each other a bit more, hear about their stories, share my own and realize how it really can be a small world.

The next day the official Birth Mother’s Day Event started in the morning, where we were immediately greeted with gift bags (and the whole day was filled with give aways!). We all introduced ourselves with a brief telling of who we are, our children, type of adoption, etc. Everyone had their own story and experiences, from 20 year old children in closed adoptions to only 2 months post placement. It was really neat to see that we all have differences but our choice in adoption brings us together and that unifying experience leads us to help and lean on each other.

We had breakout sessions, one which I lead about journaling about how it can be a great tool for dealing with grief, stress, etc. It went really well and there was some great interaction with others and creative production of poems going on! Another successful speaking event = check!

After our (yummy) lunch we wrote a short prayer/note for our children, tied it to a balloon and let them float to heaven. I released on in honor of Kaylee and for my friend’s daughter, Eden (hi Bre!). Then we listened to several great speakers, one was an adult adoptee that was in a closed adoption but now has been reunited and what that was like. It was really, really validating to hear from the mouth of an adoptee that she is okay and that she is so, so thankful for what her birth mother did for her. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear those words from own daughter’s mouth, but it will be a glorious day if/when she does. Not that I have any doubts in my heart or mind that I did the wrong thing, but to hear from her that I did and her accepting that in her heart and mind, that will be powerful. One of the other speakers was Robyn who had a closed adoption and recently reunited with her son after 19 years. It was a tough story to listen to, but so inspiring as well.

We watched the famous Birth Mom Buds slide show, and then later gathered in a circle to light candles in honor of our children while saying a prayer for them. It was beautiful to see so many women standing together pouring out their hearts in love and willing to be transparent with each other. Not just in this circle, but throughout the whole day.

It was hard to say goodbye, I really did not want the fun and closeness to end. I believe some one said at some point that it was a place filled with love, and it certainly was! On my home a song came on the radio called, “Be still and Know I’m Here” and while this is a Christian song meant to to be about God, I felt it captured this weekend’s experience perfectly. Towards the end of the song, it repeats” We are not alone” several times in such an up lifting way. As a birth mother, I don’t often come in face to face contact with others that share my experience, joys and pain of adoption. But that 24 hours? Was one where it became a reality that there are others out there (and in my own city!) that know what it’s like and we can lean on each other. We are not alone.

So, if anyone is reading this from Birth Mom Buds that I met this weekend, this is a huge thanks to all of you and how wonderful you made this weekend for me. I look forward to our next meeting, and I hope it will be soon! And of course, thanks to my Mom for making it financially possible to attend, giving me encouragement and making this weekend even more special with her presence.

Next from Momma O: A Mother’s Day post.

Gosh, it’s been an awesome weekend so far. Expect a detailed post filled with pictures, tears and laughter coming soon. Birth Mom Buds is made up of some amazing, godly woman. I am so blessed to have met them (some, at least, as there are members even in other countries!) face to face.

But for now? Happy Birth Mother’s Day to those Birth Mother’s that read here. May this day have been one of reflection, honor and support for you.

And those that read that are adopted, may you take a moment to honor your birth mother and the choice she’s made to better your life.

And of course, those that are adoptive parents, may you take a minute to treasure the special lady that brought your child into the world!

I know God has provided me with many new and wonderful connections just in the past 24 hours. I really wish I could do it all over again!

(P.S. Happy early Mother’s Day as well!)

I honestly don’t cry often. It either gets suppressed because it’s at the wrong moment, or something really has to move my heart to physically cry the tears that I need to cry.

Well, this did it. It’s an update on Audrey’s family, a letter her mom wrote to share with the world those last moments and their love for her…and to share pictures. I just cannot explain what an amazing example this family is, Audrey definitely served God’s purpose and has brought change in so many lives–though painful–for the better. Why? Because their family is displaying the ultimate peace that He can provide and it’s brought people to know Christ personally. It’s touched lives that may already know Christ, but to pursue that relationship stronger. It’s taught us to treasure every moment.

I encourage you to read this letter, and again, take a moment to pray for them. Be inspired by their strength that can only come from Christ. But also be warned though, it’s emotional. Tears are cleaning though.

The song by Mercy Me, “Bring The Rain,” has never rang more true when I think of this family and how I can apply this to my own life:

“Bring me joy, bring me peace

Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings your glory

And I know there’ll be days

When this life brings me pain

But if that’s what it takes to praise You

Jesus, bring the rain”

Ever since I did my speech on Saturday, besides the confidence boost, I’ve also had a heavy heart. Coincidently Mrs. R has had the same thoughts going on and her post spoke of it well.

She put up a great article by Adoption Option, Old Think vs. New Think, for questions expectant moms may have regarding adoption:

If I find myself unexpectedly pregnant, abortion and single parenting are my only choices.

There is a third choice, one that has proven to be a success for birth mothers and children–the adoption option.

I would never consider adoption–it would be too hard.

Which ever choice you make will present many hardships–adoption may be no more difficult than abortion or single parenting.

My friends and family will think I’m terrible giving up my own flesh and blood.

Adoption is not “giving up,” it is giving to–a decision you have carefully made out of love for the future of your child and yourself.

I’ll never know what happened to my baby. I simply couldn’t live that way.

The old way of doing adoptions (secrecy and no control) is out. The new way–open adoption–allows you to make the decisions regarding the future of your child and yourself. (refer to Glossary of Adoption Terms and “Kristina’s Story”)

Why adoption? Isn’t it just for people who can’t have their own kids?

Not necessarily true. Yes, some people cannot biologically conceive, but adoption provides a family for a child, not a child for a family.

Kids who are adopted have lots of problems.

Not founded in fact. Refer to the Search Institute Study. Children who are adopted have, among other characteristics, high self-esteem and positive identity concerns at rates as high or higher than their peers.

(I would add that yea, some children do have issues, but I think a lot of that depends on the openess of the adoption and the family that is chosen to parent. My experience? Kaylee, as well as the other adopted kids I know, are as normal as can be.)

What about me? I feel it’s my responsibility to raise my child.

Your responsibility is to make the very best and informed decision that you can for your child. Studies show that birth mothers who make an adoption plan typically move on with their life, finish their education, have a career, and eventually marry.

My heart just breaks for young moms and their children, like the ones I mingled with this weekend, that end up feeling hopeless. And it reflects in their attitudes and their relationship with their child. I just hope and pray that some how they get back on track. I’m not saying adoption is the answer to an issue, it’s just one to better lives. It seems like many young moms decide against adoption and still don’t attempt to better their lives in any way. They end up still on the same dead path with abusive boyfriends and living in poverty. What kind of life is that? Doesn’t sound like fun to me. I wish people could see the potential in themselves to make things better in one way or another.

No path in life is easy, but some things are worth a little pain to gain more–and give more–in life.

Last night’s speech went really well. In fact, it went extremely well and I couldn’t be more proud of how well it went! Of course, I didn’t have much part in putting it all together (the group did a great job of that!), I was just there to tell my story. My speech was pretty much the Smom entry I posted previously, except I added a part about my adoption story.

The group of ladies we presented to were from a local maternity home, not the one I went to though. Many had already had their children and some were still pregnant. The ages varied, the level of educations varied. You could tell they all been through a lot and had their own stories to tell.

One woman in particular seemed really interested in what we had to say. I noticed her crying when I told of my adoption story and how that was one way I was able to continue my high school education. She came up afterward and told me that she is considering adoption and it meant a lot to her that I had shared my story. She had lots of questions about going back to school and seemed amazed at how much help and the opportunities there are. It was really encouraging to be apart of. I really, truly hope that that woman and the other ladies there found something to be encouraged by and take any opportunity they can to better their life and their child’s through education.

As some one said last night…“I truly believe the things most worth while require the most work.” Amen. Isn’t that the truth with just about anything in life?

And not to gloat any more than I have, but I’m just really proud of myself! I’m a very shy person and some how I found the voice I needed. People could hear me, I didn’t shake or act nervous. I didn’t jumble up my words. I made eye-contact, I made jokes. It was a whole 20 minutes of just me speaking. And that, is quite an amazing accomplishment for this shy girl. God was definitely there with us last night.

I’ll be praying for these ladies, I hope something powerful kicked in last night and doors were opened to better their futures.

I’m giving a speech tomorrow for pregnant or already parenting young mothers, so I thought this would be appropriate to share on here. I’m not sure I have many mom readers that are thinking/wanting/are in school, but hopefully it will inspire some one.

Ya know how mom’s often classify their selfs as titles such as, SAHM or WAHM meaning that they are “Stay At Home Moms” or “Work At Home Moms.”

Well, me? I’m a Smom, “Student Mom.” Yes, most of my life is a classified SAHM but there is another part of my life that takes a lot of focus: School. Things happened out of order in my life, but that doesn’t stop me from pursuing my dreams. I’ve always wanted to attend college and earn a degree. Actually, I’m thankful I had a year off from college when I became pregnant because it forced me to stop and think what direction my life was taking me. It made me realize my true passion and talent is not in Social Work (I wanted to work with pregnant girls and birth mothers in the adoption area. There really aren’t enough counselors specifically in that area!) but is in writing.

After becoming pregnant though, school certainly was not on my mind. I had to leave college to be closer to family, figure out what the heck we were going to do at 19 years old, unmarried, and about to have a baby. Working obviously became top priority, those diapers, clothes, hospital bills, etc. definitely cost a lot!

Once Savannah was born, I was thrilled to be a mom. Of course, it took some time to get adjusted to the no-sleep demands, poop expositions and feeling like a milked cow 24-7, but being a mom brought so much joy. I did go back to work part-time when she was 3 months old, but still, school and a career were not on my mind. I was set on the routine of baby all night and day, and occasionally work. I could have lived like that for the rest of my life, I loved being a mom!

Then one day it hit me though that I needed a back up plan. What if something happened to my husband, how would I support us? What about once our kids are in school and there are no more babies to tend to during the day, what will I do with my time? What about my own goals for life, isn’t it worth exploring those dreams beyond a family? And something really important to me: what will my daughter think if I just gave up simply because obstacles came along. I want her to be proud of me and all that I can accomplish.

And so, back to school I went. But don’t think I just packed up my book bag and abandoned my duties as a Mom. Not at all. I’ve made it a high priority to make time with my daughter first so I can be there to tuck her in at night, share giggles and sweet kisses. Thankfully, it’s worked out that I only go twice a week with a full day of classes, and I don’t have to work on top of school. Two days a week isn’t much of a time sacrifice. I finished my first semester back this past December and not only did I get through the classes…I made straight A’s!

So what can you do to help reach your educational goals and stay on top of things? I’ve learned many important lessons to help achieve success and make things a tad bit easier when life is pulling you in so many directions.

• As with anything in life, it takes organization. Not just the neat notebooks and pencil cases, but time organization. I’ve found that since there is often limited time to get tasks done (i.e. during naps only!), use it. Use every minute you have effectively, don’t procrastinate.

• Prioritize what’s needs to be done. There are many days I have to just ignore the 4 laundry baskets begging to be folded and put away because a paper or test is looming over my head. Remind yourself what’s important right now and that it’s ok to let some things slide!

• Know your learning style. Since study and school work time is so crunched, I’ve learned the most effective way to study. Me? I’m more of a visual person. When I read from a text book, I have to take notes and flash cards have become my best friend. I’ve also discovered I learn better using the computer. Those CD’s that come with text books or on line study guides and games? Awesome to me. So what if you’re more Auditory? I’ve heard of some people bringing a tape recorder to class so they can re-listen to the lecture at home. Try reading your notes out loud! If you’re more “hands on” then do just that. Obviously, this would vary from class to class, but try to apply the concept to an example or get an internship to help you get a real experience.

• Use any help you can get! I’ve been lucky to have my husband and his family to help take care of Savannah when needed. Some times a 2 hour nap isn’t enough to get a paper done or study for an exam, so they’ll help by giving me some extra time when they can. Support is crucial, if some one offers to help, take it! Also, financially there may be some great financial aid to help pay for your education. Check out FAFSA.

• Treasure time with your family. Yes, those projects, papers, and tests seem to weigh heavily once your knee deep in classes, but don’t forget your family. They still are the true number 1!

A balance can be found between the roles of college student and mom (and whatever else defines you). And you can succeed at it! I can’t promise it’s easy, it definitely has its struggles and stresses, but I have found that school has only enhanced my relationship with my daughter and husband. Those hours away each week gives us time to refuel and miss each other, making our time together even more treasured and enjoyable. And you know what? It just feels good to push myself and work toward something worth while. It feels good to know I’ll have a back up plan, that I have something else to be proud of, and that I’m setting a good example for my daughter as she grows up.

You can do it!

Today’s been a good day. It finally felt like spring, the weather was perfect. My Spanish class let out early so I actually had time for lunch, where I grabbed some Chic-fil-a and sat outside enjoying the sun. I even wrote a poem about spring while I ate, perhaps I’ll share it later.

Basically, I feel renewed.  Like spring is a time of renewal, my soul feels it, too.  Just yesterday I was complaining about not wanting to finish school, let alone finish my homework (don’t worry Dad and Grandpa, I’m not quiting!).  And today gave me the motivation I needed.

I’m pumped about my talents and future right now. I feel like those Reebok tennis shoes that you pump air before you go play basketball or run (Remember those?) for a custom fit. Well, I’m working on my custom fit and feeling good about the direction, ready for life. It’s encouraging to see people turning to me to share my experiences and help others (the education/pregnancy speech, and now an opportunity to share about my love for writing). It’s encouraging that a teacher much older and more experienced than I can tell me that I’m a great writer and to bounce ideas off of her only to better it. It’s encouraging that my work was chosen to be shared with our English class. And, they liked it! They discovered deep things about it I didn’t even try to do. That feels really good.

And my sweet toddler girl?  Definitely worth coming home to, her smile and giggles are enough to melt the winter cold any day.

There’s just a peace in today that I’m heading in the right direction. Life is good. God is amazing.  My arms are spread open, ready for opportunities.Take a deep breathe of spring.