The Pregnant Woman’s Rights

1) Every woman has the right to health care before, during, and after pregnancy.

2) The right to receive care that is consistent with current scientific evidence about benefits and risks. If the practice is harmful or ineffective then it should be avoided.

3) The right to chose a midwife or doctor as her care provider.

4) The right to chose her birth setting from her safe options available.

5) The right to leave her maternity care giver if she becomes dissatisfied.

6) The right to know the qualifications of those involved in her care as well as to know when those involved are trainees.

7) The right to receive care in privacy and to have all information treated according to the standards of confidentiality.

8) The right to full and clear information about risks, benefits, and costs of any and all procedures (drugs, tests, and treatments)

9) The right to accept or refuse any treatment, drugs, or tests. She also has the right to change her mind at any time. (This one is usually only true as long as the mother or baby is not in a life or death situation.)

10) The right to be informed if she or her infant is enrolled in a research stuffy and the right to accept or deny participating.

11) The right to access any and all of her pregnancy, labor, birth, postpartum, and infant records.

12) The right to receive care that is appropriate for her culture and religious beliefs, as well as to receive information in a language she can understand.

13) The right to have any family members and friends she chooses to be present in any of her maternity care.

14) The right for advance information on risks and benefits of any and all available methods of pain relief. She has the right to refuse or accept any and change her mind at any time.

15) The right of freedom of movement during labor and the right to deliver in any position she desires.

16) The right to uninterrupted time with her newborn, so long as both she and the baby are healthy and do not need to be separated for care.

17) The right to have information on breastfeeding, to refuse any supplements or actions that could interfere with breastfeeding, as well as have access to lactation support.

18) The right to decided with the caregiver when she and the baby can go home.

I saw this on a fellow November Mommy’s blog and had to re-post it. With Kaylee I was 16 and had a great, easy pregnancy and birth. I was induced on my due date and had an epidural, pushed for an hour and the entire thing was over in about 12 hours. I assumed Savannah’s would be the same, and to an extent it was. I was induced the day after my due date, had an epidural and delivered within 12 hours again. However, with Savannah it felt different. I was only 3 years older, just 19, but I wasn’t satisfied this time with the birth. This time, I was this little girl’s mom. Not just a woman who gave her life, but her Mom. I had the choice to breastfeed her this time and start to fill that parenting role. But, I wasn’t allowed to breastfeed her right away, I didn’t get to until midnight 3 hours after her birth! This time the epidural  left my back bruised and aching for weeks, a pain far worse than where it should have been hurting. Reflecting on it over the past 3 years I realized that I wanted a birth that I was an active part in, not just laying in bed waiting for things to happen. I want it to be an empowering experience, knowing that I made it through the pain with hard work, preparation, and support.

So, I’m doing things differently this time. I’ve been seeing an obgyn until now in the pregnancy as we made sure this little guy would “stick.” I needed the ultrasounds to help calm my fears and tests to be done to help me relax. Now that I’m 14 weeks, I’m breathing a lot easier and ready to quit being just a number on a doctor’s chart. I’m tired of waiting 45 minutes to be seen for only 5 minutes, only to hear the heartbeat and then she leaves. I went to my first midwife appointment last week and we talked for an hour about my history, diet, everything. My obgyn doesn’t have time for that kind of caring, but I’m glad I’ve found some one that does!

And here’s a shocker for some people: I’m not giving birth at a hospital. No, it’s not my house, but it’s a birthing center 5 minutes away. My exams are on a twin bed with sheets rather than a stiff paper covered exam table. I’m going to labor and maybe even give birth in water. I’m not going to be induced with medicine or have an epidural. I’m going to use hypnobirthing to manage the pain. I’m going to hold my baby until I’m ready to let him go to be weighed. I’m going to breastfeed right away if he wants. I’m going to have as many people in the room as I want. I’m going home just hours after birth instead of waiting around for 2 days. I’m going to sleep in my own bed and not have nurses prodding my belly all night. I’m simply doing things much like women have successfully done for centuries and what they still do in other countries. It feels empowering already.

I’m not saying this way is the best way, everyone has their own vision of birth and what they are comfortable with. But after 2 births, I know that I personally felt something missing from the experience and this is the right choice for us this time around. I have actually been scared to tell certain people (like family) that I’m doing things differently, because using a doctor and hospital is simply standard these days and midwives are thought of as not safe (which isn’t true, do the research. It’s actually safer with way less infant mortality and c-section rates!). It’s definitely a choice that goes against the grain of society, but I’m going to take advantage of my pregnant woman’s rights and do what I feel is right for us.

Forewarning: this is a long post but worth it!

I saw this documentary, America the Beautiful, this past spring and it was amazingly eye opening (It’s now on Netflicks.com to watch instantly!). The creator, Darryl Roberts was actually there for the viewing and it was refreshing to see a man so passionate about women’s issues, especially mentally what women go through, and in turn battling huge issues in the media that only fuel the flame in women’s worlds.

His latest work has been taking action against big names in the media that are obviously displaying negative images of women in very unhealthy ways. Ralph Lauren has been under scrutiny lately because of his choice of adds and WAY over editing them to make a normal beautiful model appear drastically thin as if to encourage anorexia and one looks almost like a bobble head. How is that attractive, anyway? Why is having some curves and meat such a bad thing now?

Darryl has written two letters to RL and I wanted to spread the word. One can be found here. The other is below along with examples of the ads. If you also believe in this cause about fighting for a change in how media is portraying women in unhealthy ways, please email boycottralph@americathebeautifuldoc.com and let Darryl know so his numbers are up to date! We need change, not just for us adult women, but for our girls who are growing up with this image of beauty thrown at them as well. Look at the ads below, is that what you want your daughter to look like? I didn’t think so.

Hello Mr. Lauren,

Let me preface this entire letter by saying that I’m truly sorry that we have to meet under these terms and conditions. I would rather have met you at the Four Seasons Hotel and had a juice and pretzels with you, because I’m sure you’re a really interesting guy. And I assure you, I’m a really nice guy as well.

Fortunately for me, I’ve had the pleasure of meeting tens of thousands of young girls while promoting my documentary “America the Beautiful.” To look in the eyes of over 100,000 college women and hear their pain (body image, self-esteem) has been an experience that I will never forget. I’ve also heard from over 80,000 parents that are in pain because they have to hear from their sons and daughters in pain. It does truly become a generational cycle.

I’m sure that you’re fully aware that a lot of the American population feels that the unhealthy ads in magazines are damaging to women. The damage comes in various forms; body image problems, low self-esteem and for some of the women, they get a full blown eating disorder like your niece Jenny.

I had a professional in the eating disorders world tell me last night that images like yours don’t cause eating disorders in every girl that sees it – What happens is girls that end up with an eating disorder had a 50-80% predisposition for getting an eating disorder in the first place and the negative magazine fashion ads and other factors are the gun that pulls the trigger. For the millions of other girls that don’t get an eating disorder, they’re left feeling fat, ugly and worthless.

Ralph, there is no turning back for me. When I met these women traveling from city to city and country to country, I looked them in the eye and promised them that I would do whatever I could to make the world a better place for them.

In my last letter to you, I mentioned that I would never buy anything with the RL (Ralph Lauren) label on it. Well, over 100,000 people emailed me and said they were joining me. They said they wouldn’t buy anything with the RL label on it as well until you promised to stop the very harmful kind of marketing and advertising for which you’ve been accused. Some of their emails are below.

In case you’re wondering “what harmful marketing and advertising?” – I have exhibits A, B and C of your advertising below.

Most of the emails that I’ve received are from adults. They’re fed up with it Ralph.

Believe it or not, they get hurt as much as the young girls that read the magazines and look at the ads. “How? You wonder.”  When a young girl reads these ridiculous fashion magazines and gets triggered into a full blown eating disorder, who do you think gets left holding the bag for the $30,000 a month treatment?  I’ve met parents that have had their entire savings wiped out and some have taken out second mortgages on their homes to pay for the treatment of their young daughters. Trust me Mr. Lauren, they’re sick of it.

To be clear, this isn’t just an issue of eating disorders. In my film, “America the Beautiful,” I interviewed a 7 year old girl and a 12 year old girl, both of whom insisted that they were ugly. They couldn’t tell me specifically why they were ugly. They could only reference celebrities and ads of models as references of how they’re supposed to look. And you know what was funny about the whole thing, neither one of them were ugly. They were quite attractive girls actually. Their self-esteems have been assaulted by —- I’m sure you get the picture by now.

Mr. Lauren, women live in a very toxic culture. Men as well now that I think about it.

For the record, I’m letting you know that exactly 112,489 of us will no longer buy anything that you’re associated with until you give us a commitment that you will no longer use droconian advertising like the ads below. We don’t want any money from you, nor do we want any free clothes. We just want young girls that read fashion magazines to be safe.

Also for the record, ANAD, the largest eating disorders awareness organization in the US is supporting me with my boycott. You can read about them at www.anad.org

I’ll be in Washington, DC tomorrow meeting with the CEO of the YWCA to get them to support me with my boycott as well.

There are YWCA locations in 122 countries around the world, 300 locations in the US working in 9 regions – 25 million women strong. You can read about them at www.ywca.org

I’m going to talk to the press, arrange demonstrations, basically anything I can do to help women that suffer from these ludicrous ads.

I plan on having  over 1 million people that agree with my position to not purchase any RL products as well until you agree to advertise to women in a way that respects and values them.

For clarity sake, this boycott isn’t just about your company. It’s about the entire fashion / beauty industry that advertises in a way that’s harmful for women. We’re hoping they will see that people are fed up and change their advertising practices as well. We picked you because you went waaaaay over the top with the 3 ads below.

If and when you send a formal announcement agreeing to stop with your draconian advertising, the boycott will be over and I’m sure some parents will forgive you and start buying your bedding products again.

Remember we’re doing this for the safety of young girls Mr. Lauren, including your niece Jenny.

So, what’s it going to be Ralph? It’s your conscience. Your decision.  We await your answer. Until then, I’m off to do my Christmas shopping with your competitors.

Respectfully yours,

Darryl Roberts

REASON #1 FOR THE BOYCOTT - REASON #2 FOR THE BOYCOTT - AND REASON #3 FOR THE BOYCOTT -

Just so you know, since the 16 and Pregnant adoption episode aired last night, the full episode is now available online at MTV.  If you haven’t watched it yet, go check it out (it’s about 40 minutes) before you read my post, my blog will still be here when you’re done! And as a warning, you will need tissues.

Ok so, I watched it during Savannah’s nap time today and I have to say, I’m impressed. This has to be the first time in a while that I’ve seen adoption pretty darn realistic in that it shows the good and bad, the joys and pains, and expresses the truth of what adoption is about…love.  Of course, there are “bad” people out there that can create bad experiences and I can’t deny that it doesn’t happen in adoption, but in general this story reveals what it’s like for a birthmother who obviously cares for her child beyond words, has peace with her decision, with an adoptive couple completely open and loving in return.

Honestly, watching this episode was a lot like watching my own story on screen (they even all have heart pendents like we do to display how they are “linked for life”!).  It brought back so many memories of just 5 years ago, the closeness I felt with Kaylee and getting to know her family, the anguish of making that decision and not knowing what to expect emotionally with her delivery and afterward.  However unlike Catelynn, I had oodles of support for my decision and my heart breaks for her and Tyler in that even their own parents couldn’t see how mature they are for making the choice to give their daughter a better life than what they have.

And oh my goodness, how refreshing to see a birth father so involved! Tyler showed so much strength and maturity and clearly loves both Catelynn and their daughter.  Many times the dad’s disappear, even with parenting teens, and it was awesome to see that birth fathers (can) feel that same connection and love as well (Did you hear that sweet letter he wrote his daughter?! What a treasure that will be to her one day). It wasn’t the typical situation of “well give the baby up and let me live my life!” that I and so many other pregnant teens experienced.

If you remember, I had high expectations for this show. I wanted it to fight the stereotypes and it did. While it is sad that their family wasn’t supportive, it displayed the typical negative attitude and comments that people approach adoption with.  Sadly, Tyler’s own father told him that he wasn’t “manning it up” to the responsibility of being a dad by placing his daughter with another family for a better life but Tyler fought back though saying that his kid does deserve better than this life that they have. It’s impressive the passion and caring that he has, obviously it was worth fighting to give his daughter better.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard “I couldn’t ever do that” or “How can you carry a baby nine months and then just give it away?” when talking about adoption and once again it came up on this show.  Catelynn battled those comments as well and helped provide a true look at why people chose adoption, especially when she met with the adoptive parents and she explained why she made her choice.  Point blank: She wanted better for her daughter’s life. I love, love, love when she says, “I want her to know that I’m still there, that I didn’t just not care about her…I want her to have better than what I had and I’m doing what I think is the best” Bam. Proof right there that birthmothers do love and care about their children. The choice is out of love, not one that is selfish or not “manning up.”

I think for once, MTV did an awesome job portraying an adoption story and I pray that this show helps all who watch it to see the love inside this couple and every birth parent out there. That adoption is far from the easy way out. I have so much respect for Catelynn and Tyler and how they approached this. But then, I remembered that that was me a few years ago…and I’m proud.

What did you think?

1) Winners of the Land’s End and Cleaning Products are announced over on the Review blog! Is it you?

2) Snapfish is having an awesome deal today if you’re looking for cheap Christmas presents. 50% off collages! I ordered 3…but I shall not say for who since they all read this blog. hehe.  The site is having a new deal each day so sign up for the notifications if you haven’t already.  (I know, I just dissed Snapfish, but this redeems them in my book. Cause the code actually worked for once and it’s a great deal!)

3) My complaining to Blurb (again) paid off!  They still maintain that their promotion isn’t misleading (what?) but they created me my own code to take $10 off my order no matter what I spent. Which basically only paid for their ridiculously high shipping price of $10 (for a softcover book?!). I won’t ever use them again, not just because of my experience but I didn’t like their design program. It was very limiting design and layout wise.

4) It’s getting that time of the year, folks. School is attempting to make me go insane with all the projects, papers, speeches, and exams that are all due in the 2 weeks. So, I probably will be lacking in real blogging content and very sporadic until it’s all over.  Unfortunetly all my writing will be focused on Brit Lit right now. Ick.  Don’t miss me too much.

Today started out rough.  I woke up well before the sun even peeked it’s little sunny eye out above the horizon. I drank my pumpkin flavored coffee to help me keep my own eyes open and headed off to school early for an appointment. Only, I left late (it runs in my genes!), got stuck in traffic, and then couldn’t find the building I need and realized that I needed to be all the way on the other side of campus.  Which, therefore makes my early rising a complete waste since I couldn’t make my appointment despite my fast walking. Ugh.

The good news?  I got all my exercise in today walking around campus like a lost puppy.  And? I got to try out my new and awesome Land’s End coat (it kept me nice and toasty in the 42 degree weather. Hello fall!). I believe I did well on my math exam today.  And, with my extra time I was able to stop by an adviser to make sure I’m on tract in my courses and prepare for spring registration. And found out…

By the grace of our good God, I am some how ahead of schedule.  Some how, even though I took an entire year off from classes to have Savannah, switched schools, switched majors and minors twice, I am ahead.  How in the world?  I was behind by at least a semester, if not more, when I started back last year.  But man, God has done some heavenly work and I CAN GRADUATE IN A YEAR FROM NOW!

In fact, I’m so close to being done that by Christmas I will be considered a senior because of my credit numbers! I’ve counted and counted and counted again the classes I need and it still comes out to a beautiful number.  The catch is that I have to take 2 summer classes, but that is a-okay with me if that means I get done a full 6 months early.  I am so excited!  It will be a tough year cramming in demanding classes and not getting much of a break, but man, it will be worth it to cross that stage and the weight of the world lifted.

God is so good! I take this as a sign that my decision to change minors to Woman’s Studies was the right thing to do. I feel so at peace right now and so excited for the future! I’m ready to be DONE! I’m ready to spend my time with my precious little girl and making cute letters for people :-)

I just don’t feel like writing much right now.  I’m feeling a mix of things that I don’t really know why or what to do with it, so forgive me if I’m quiet while I figure it out. Or maybe I’ll just wake up tomorrow and be inspired again.

My birthday weekend turned out “eh.”  I did enjoy good company and soaked up the beautiful God made scenery, but it just left me feeling “eh” and ready to come home.  It wasn’t what I expected my fun, big 2-1 birthday celebration to be like. And I have still yet to drink my first official drink, which is fine by me. Oh well, that’s what some times having expectations does in life–lets you down.

I’m looking forward to my next visit up to the mountains in a few weeks in which I have little expectations but to hide away deep in the woods in our cabin with the great family of mine. Maybe I’ll read a book. Or go outside and write among the singing birds, sunshine, and trees. Or take a hike with my Mom. I just need space to breathe. I feel like I’m starting to suffocate in life among school demands and our messy clothes everywhere and trying to figure out how in the world to discipline our kid who just laughs at us (a whole ‘nother post for later).

And another thing that’s weighing me down–more expectations I had of myself. Remember last year year? Straight A’s for 9 classes in a row?  I felt like super Mom. Well now I am headed in the direction of B’s and C’s and I feel like I’ve failed. Why am I so hard on myself? I need to remember it’s not about the grade, but about the simple fact that I’m still in school and getting it done. I don’t have to be perfect, right?  Some one needs to keep reminding me of this.

That’s enough depressed thoughts for today.  On a happier note, tonight is the last night to enter the Unique Skins Giveaway over on the Review Blog so if you haven’t already entered, it’s your last chance!  3 winners will be announced tomorrow :-)

Can I be blunt here? Today sucked. The first day of classes sucked big rainy mud puddles.

Right from the get go, things were going wrong. I couldn’t find the parking pass, my car’s speedometer decided not to work (my 16 year old car that I JUST got fixed and now have spent close to $1,000 in the past few months for repairs just to have something break. AGAIN! Oy. We don’t have money to keep throwing away like this) so I had to rush to Mark’s car. At this point I was running late, but I could still make it on time with luck.

But oh, of course I don’t have good luck. It was raining hard, traffic was way worse than normal, meaning pretty dang horrible. Like, stopped horrible. Then, I finally make it to campus an hour later, but I’m so late there is no where to park! And I get lost trying to find a place to park. So I eventually find my way and park WAY far away and hustle through the rain with my handy zebra umbrella.

I finally get to my class 30 minutes late…and…no one was even in there. All that stress, worrying, and banging on my steering wheel screaming “GO!” for nothing. Though, I’m betting the entire campus was late today so I’m sure the teacher just left when no one showed up.

It just wasn’t a great start to my day, and the grumpiness stuck with me. I came home completely exhausted and with a headache, to make things worse. And, as I sat through my 4 classes (I would have 5 if my first wasn’t canceled), I felt this huge dread over me. I’m really, really not looking forward to this school year. I feel like I’m re-doing high school over again, just about every one of my classes I’ve already taken before.

1800 century English? Check. Spanish 2? Check. Algebra? Check.

Next semester will be the same way as well, re-doing what I’ve already done. I really, really hate this right now. The thing that is pulling me through is thinking about how I would regret it if I quit and how dang close I am to graduating. Half way there. I can do this. But man, I’m praying like crazy God will keep giving me the strength and courage to keep going.

The good news is that I know a few people in my classes, I picked really awesome teachers (except my Spanish guy. B-o-r-i-n-g, but it should be easy), and since I have had most of these topics it’s nothing “new” to me so it should be easy. And, when I get home we had steak and potatoes for dinner, which was especially yummy after not getting any lunch.

And now? I’m off to do absolutely nothing. My brain is tired.

I’m beginning to wonder if my change of interest and minors from Journalism to Woman’s Studies is more than just that…a change of interest. I’m beginning to feel dreams take root in my heart. Yes, writing is one of them still. But, more than that. Helping other young teenager girls like I once was…pregnant, scared, and stubborn. Maybe even reaching out before that happens, before sexual activity at such a young age, before something so valuable is lost, before they even begin looking for love and acceptance in the wrong places. I could be some one to encourage them that confidence in their self and knowing their self worth, and beyond that how precious they are in God’s eyes, is far worth anything that compromises giving up something so valuable.

Actually, to be honest, this isn’t a “new” dream. Since my pregnancy and birth of Kaylee I’ve wanted to reach out to other young women. When I first started college I wanted to be a social worker, like the social worker I had throughout my pregnancy and post-placement. She was, and is, amazing. I loved the idea of helping other girls through something that I had already been through. I could be the counselor that had been there in their shoes and understood like no one else could. The problem was, I am shy. I can barely hold a conversation with my family members, let alone a stranger pregnant girl with raging hormones that doesn’t want to be in my office. It wasn’t what God called me to be, the job would be more than I could handle on a day to day basis.

After I made that realization, that’s when the writing passion kicked in even more and I moved to an English degree. Still, I get the urges often to do something to help others with my story and experiences. I have a feeling that God is moving me towards the Woman’s Studies area to do just that. To bind the gift of writing He’s given me with my heart to help others. I don’t know how He will use it, or when, but I feel that sense of purpose deep inside. It’s that purpose that is helping me actually feel excited about classes starting in a week (gulp). I’m even feeling the urge to volunteer some where. But where?

Again though, the issue will be hoping and praying that God will open a WS course at the right time for me to stay on track. Of course, as some one told me, God has always “had my back” with this sort of thing so if it’s His will, it will happen. I have faith in that and I’m excited to see how He will continue working in my life.

Also, I want to emphasize that this is not about me being a “man hater” *ahem, family of mine* I promise, I am not and will not be a “man hater.” I’m married to one of the best men there is and have a wonderful Dad who I could never hate. Just because some men are creeps, I realize that that doesn’t make all men creeps. Just like not all Woman’s Studies students are against men. It’s a stereotype. My goal is simply to learn more about women.

I think the Lord has finally answered my prayers and I’m getting a tiny bit more motivated and ready for classes to start back. We only have 2 weeks left of our summer break, it’s a sad thing to watch it end. But, like I said, I’m slowly getting more ready. It must mean something good if I’m ordering text books and buying pencils again, where as before I was repulsed by the sight of them!

Part of the dreading I was feeling came with the thought that I wouldn’t graduate on time. With an English degree I’m required to have a minor as well, I guess since it’s such a broad subject. I started out with a Professional and Technical Writing minor and I hated it. So then I thought it over and switched to Journalism, but I’m still dreading it, mainly because it’s not the style of writing I want to do. I look at the 18 hours of classes that I have to start from complete scratch with dread. It’s not interesting to me. And that says something: why do something I don’t want to do if I don’t have to?

The topic that keeps sticking out in my mind, being one of the best classes I have taken my entire life is Woman’s Studies. So, I’m considering about switching to that. I loved the intro class because it made me more aware of the issues of this world (not just about woman’s issues, either). Seriously, every day I would come home telling Mark about something new I learned, it was fascinating. In the long run of life, I think learning about something I’m actually interested in and that helps in every day life is more worth investing my time in. Especially since I’m parenting a daughter myself, I can better be prepared for the issues she (and I) will face. It’s not about being a “crazy feminist,” it’s just about being more aware of the world.

And the major plus? I get to graduate on time! May 2010, instead of December. I already have 2 credits that count toward the minor, which will put me exactly where I need to be. Assuming of course, that some how God provides a way for me to switch my Journalism class with a Woman’s Studies class. And then switch my minor yet again. It’s also good that I can still take electives that will improve and expand my writing, but in the areas I’m more interested in.

It’s a win/win situation! And that makes me excited to get back into the schooling game. Ready to knock out another year, one step closer to being D.O.N.E.

Whoa! I wrote this article back in February or so, submitted it, and never heard back from Hybrid Mom. I just found it through a search engine, and it was published on there! And some one commented :-)

I know it’s just a small step in a writer’s world, but it’s still exciting to know that some one else thought it was good enough to put up publicly. And, some one found it inspiring.