I haven’t posted anything about our money stresses because well…anybody could read my blog and that’s not something everyone needs to know! But, I just have to share this and how faithful God is.  Let’s just say I didn’t know if I would be able to go back to school this fall, let alone pay for Savannah’s diapers.  As our funds lowered, I was getting more scared and stressed. Job opportunities for me weren’t working out, the government stimulus check was taking forever to get here, then Mark has a car accident on top of all this, etc.

Last night nearly in tears I began my search for scholarships, almost began writing some essays that never win, when I decided to check my school account just in case. And there it was: money waiting for me to accept from the government. Let’s just say between the money Mark and I will receive for school and from his job, it not only provides enough to pay for college but also for me to be able to stay at home with Savannah for the summer and through the school year (when I’m not in classes, of course).  God is so good!

Literally, I think God was waiting for me to just stop and trust when there was nothing left.  I knew He would provide, but it just took longer than I thought!  All in God’s own time.  I’m so, so thankful and grateful for His blessings on our little family.  He knew our desires, He knew our stresses, and He took the burden off and provided as He promises. Praises to God.

I’m very content with where I am right now, right where I need to be, at home with my girl.  Obviously, getting priorities straight helps out in life. Thank you, God, for always being there when I return.

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P.S. Mark’s Mom is fine. Swelling and bruising more by the second but she’s still in good spirits and got the good news that there were no broken bones or conclusion. She’s just got to let it heal.

Whoa! I wrote this article back in February or so, submitted it, and never heard back from Hybrid Mom. I just found it through a search engine, and it was published on there! And some one commented :-)

I know it’s just a small step in a writer’s world, but it’s still exciting to know that some one else thought it was good enough to put up publicly. And, some one found it inspiring.

Well, it’s official:

Once again I say, glory be to God because I don’t know how I did it. Two semesters in a row. And, that I haven’t made straight A’s since elementary school so it’s not like this a common thing and that I pour myself into my studies constantly. Quite the opposite, actually, and yet some how God has used my brain as a sponge and soaked up the knowledge I needed.

I’ll also say again, it feels really good. Thank You, Lord.

This is just a quick note to say 1) I’m still alive 2) I’m super-de-duper busy between final exams/papers/projects, Savannah Banana (who is finally feeling better from her ear infections) and visiting friends one last time before they go to Africa for the summer 3)  Yes, I said uber up there in the title. Cause it speaks at how busy I am. And cause I’m cool like that. Maybe.

On top of the stress, there is more stress as my car and lap top are falling apart on me and therefore are now eating into our budget like cookie-monster gobbles up his cookies. Now is really not a good time to fall apart, ok technology? I think I have a cursed touch or something. Or, they’re just getting too old. Either one.

Any way. Hi and Bye. I’ll be back after Thursday with the world’s weight off my shoulders (well, almost cause I won’t have a new car or laptop). Man, that’ll feel good.

Some times, you’ve just got to hit play twice. I don’t do it often, but there are days where I just need a few extra minutes with my eyes closed when it’s been a rough night or an extreme early morning wake up call.  This morning was one of them as she woke up at 5:30 am and screamed and screamed from that point on. We have Baby Einstein DVD’s that are 30 minutes long. They’re educational, she loves them, and it gives me some much needed mommy time.  Alert the Bad Mommy police, I don’t care.  I’d rather her watch a few extra minutes of TV then me be in a bad mood the rest of the day…then I really would be a not so good mommy.

That sad, today I have an ultrasound on my hernia spots to see the damage.  From that we’ll know if I’ll need surgery or not. But from my last Dr. visit, it sounds like if I keep the um…digestive process…going then my hernias should be fine without surgery. So that’s good news!  We’ll see if the ultrasound confirms that today.

Also, regarding that same previous post. I did change my minor to Journalism. I’m signed up to take the intro course next semester, so hopefully it will “click” with me more than awful technical writing I’m in now.  It’s not often I dread a class this much, I generally love to learn but these projects are ridiculous!

Now I must shower while the girl is finally, finally napping (I hope).

Today’s been a good day. It finally felt like spring, the weather was perfect. My Spanish class let out early so I actually had time for lunch, where I grabbed some Chic-fil-a and sat outside enjoying the sun. I even wrote a poem about spring while I ate, perhaps I’ll share it later.

Basically, I feel renewed.  Like spring is a time of renewal, my soul feels it, too.  Just yesterday I was complaining about not wanting to finish school, let alone finish my homework (don’t worry Dad and Grandpa, I’m not quiting!).  And today gave me the motivation I needed.

I’m pumped about my talents and future right now. I feel like those Reebok tennis shoes that you pump air before you go play basketball or run (Remember those?) for a custom fit. Well, I’m working on my custom fit and feeling good about the direction, ready for life. It’s encouraging to see people turning to me to share my experiences and help others (the education/pregnancy speech, and now an opportunity to share about my love for writing). It’s encouraging that a teacher much older and more experienced than I can tell me that I’m a great writer and to bounce ideas off of her only to better it. It’s encouraging that my work was chosen to be shared with our English class. And, they liked it! They discovered deep things about it I didn’t even try to do. That feels really good.

And my sweet toddler girl?  Definitely worth coming home to, her smile and giggles are enough to melt the winter cold any day.

There’s just a peace in today that I’m heading in the right direction. Life is good. God is amazing.  My arms are spread open, ready for opportunities.Take a deep breathe of spring.

I made this for TopMomma.com for the fun of it.  I thought it was just plain cute (can the expressions and actions of my daughter get any cuter? Believe it or not, they can!). It may not make sense to any one but to me. But ya know, my whole motto here is that sanity is found in writing. So instead of yelling…go write (my husband is probably laughing at that, because I still manage to yell sometimes). Writing is my therapy.

That said, we got Savannah to the doctor this morning. She has bronchitis, poor girl. But now we’ve got antibiotics and (hallelujah) some cough medicine! So, she should be back to her normal, happy self soon.

School starts back tomorrow. I’m not ready to go back to the stressful world. Goodbye winter break. Hello spring semester.

I love half.com.  It’s my new best friend, seriously.

Mark and I had 11 text books to sell from last semester and I decided to go with this little brother of ebay to go about business.  I don’t know if you guys have any experience with the original ebay.com, but trying to get something online for people to buy can appear tricky. What shipping to offer customers? How much should I charge? How can I catch the customer’s eye and accurately describe the product?  (okay, that doesn’t sound bad, but trust me, it can be a confusing task with many options to chose from for a newbie). And, they get you with the little fees. And, you can only have an item up for about a week and either it sells in that time, or it doesn’t.

Well, what I like about half.com is that it takes all that guess work out.  It’s made for just media type things (books, CD’s, movies, video games, etc.) to sell/buy at reduced prices.  It’s really great for buying textbooks (that’s all we’ve bought/sold so far, haven’t tried the other categories of products) at lower prices, because university stores are ridiculous. With 11 books, it took me hardly any time to get our items listed. I was able to tell them the exact product (what edition/cover/author/everything!) with just entering the ISBN number (therefore, saving time), entered the quality of the book, described the book (like, if it had markings), and listed the price. Click. Done.

What I really liked?  Instead of the guessing of what I should list it for, it gave me a recommended price based on what other people had/are listing it for so that I could list it competitively, but fairly.  It was usually spot on, too.  And, what I really like? No bidding.  I like that I can buy a book at ebay prices without sitting at the computer for an hour fighting over an item. And what I really, really like? It doesn’t have a time limit.  It stays up until it sells, or until I take it down. And, no listing fees. It just takes a very small percentage out after a sale is made (like, two dollars).

Within just a few hours? I’ve already sold 2 books.  Score.

Of course, the extra cash will go right back into buying new text books. School starts for Mark on Wednesday, and myself on Thursday. Ugh. I’m not ready for vacation to be over.

We’re back. For now, at least. We’re headed back out on the road (thankfully, only a 2 hour trip verses 7!) on Friday.  Our trip was good. The time difference of an hour threw us all off.  Savannah was scared of Maw (oh, stranger/separation anxiety!).  Savannah slept surprisingly very well, waking up only once or not at all each night. Though, she did get up early, like 5:30.  It was hard and some times frustrating to keep up with Savannah, trying to keep her entertained and contained within her small play pen and not breaking things. Over all though, it went well. I know Maw loved seeing all of us, especially Savannah! Mark had a good time with friends and family, that’s always a good thing.

Other awesomely good news: I made straight A’s this semester!  I did it! Therefore, I now have a 4.0 gpa. I’m so unbelievably proud of myself. I haven’t made straight A’s since elementary school, and I got a giant cookie back then. Where’s my cookie for this time? Just kidding, I could care less about a cookie or any other prize.  This pride I feel within myself is one of the best feelings in the world.  That pride comes from knowing that I can do things (and well) if I try.  I have had so much going on this past semester with raising Savannah, getting little sleep, sickness, long night of teething, a new marriage, traveling, endless piles of laundry, etc. and I still managed to get through school. And make all A’s! 

I think this second year in college I’ve also learned how I best learn and the best ways to study.  That, I think, is what made the biggest difference because I had little time to study this semester but I was able to do it efficiently.  I’m looking forward to next semester, though I’ll be piling on even more. With a 1st birthday to plan (already?!), a possible job, and an extra class 15 hrs. verses the 12 I had this semester) in a whole ’nother language! 3 semesters of Spanish is required for my English Degree. It baffles me. 

Off to my piles of laundry just to repack it again!  Look for our exciting news soon…

You know what’s funny?  Every single research paper I’ve done in my college career has been based on adoption (granted this is only my second year, but still).  Often the topic for my classes has been, “Research what you’re interested in!” and so, I chose adoption.  Especially since my freshman year I was aiming towards a social work degree, coming fresh from the adoption world (Kaylee had turned 1 before I started college) and trying to dive into it even more by learning all about it.  I can’t exactly remember what my original papers were about specifically, I just remember creating a cool survey for my friend that happened to be an adoptee (Victoria, who just posted a really moving poem about her adoption).

This semester?  Once again, some how,  I’ve closed in on adoption as my topic. I didn’t mean to, I promise. It just jumped out from the pages of the book we’re supposed to base this paper on (The Red Tent by Anita Diament…very interesting stuff!).  As I was reading about Dinah’s reactions and feelings towards her mother-in-law basically taking over her son and all the events that follow, it just stood out to me. It reminded me of how I’ve felt at times, how I’ve seen other birth mothers describe their experiences, or how some just plain isolate themselves like Dinah did. Of course it’s not an exact adoption that we’d think of, but I think I have enough evidence.

And now the research has begun.  I’ve been reading about relationships between adoptive parents and birth parents, effects adoption can have on the children, and of course, the experiences of birth mothers.  From pre-birth/placement ideas, to the birth, holding their children, signing adoption papers, leaving the hospital, etc. And, since this topic hits so close to home, it’s bringing up stuff I forgot was even there.  It’s bringing up memories and heart ache I all too often have pushed aside.  Moments that brought many, many tears. Is this a bad thing, for me to push things aside?  I don’t think so. I don’t think I have to relive these moments every day and feel sadness every day to make my adoption experience real.  I don’t have to wallow in sadness to acknowledge my daughter’s presence in my life. It’s ok to “move on” in a sense (though, a birth mother never completely moves on). I’m happy, she’s happy.  I honestly feel at that point in my life, I did the best thing for us.

I also don’t think it’s a bad thing to relieve these moments.  It’s tough to think about again, heck yea. But, as I read tonight some where tonight, it’s those moments that I had to go through (that I was lucky enough to go through in some cases), like getting to hold Kaylee when she was born and whenever I wanted, being able to pick out her parents and meet them before hand, signing those adoption papers, etc. that help me to grieve, but also to heal.  You have to grieve before you can heal.

Still, it’s hard to be reminded of these moments that I often don’t think about.  I’d really rather think about the good things within our adoption.  Our reoccurring visits, phone calls with Kaylee’s mom, all the pictures we have together throughout the years, sharing in her birthday parties, buying her presents, watching Kaylee and Savannah interact together.  Its priceless moments like these that make my soul smile, that make it worth it.  The negative stuff has it’s part, yeah, but the positive stuff outweighs the negative much more for me.

And speaking of Kaylee, we’re set of have our Christmas visit in less than 2 weeks! I’m excited. We bought her (and her brother’s) Christmas presents yesterday.  My whole family will be joining us as well (I haven’t seen them in months either, so double excitement!).  Last time Kaylee saw Savannah she was only 5 months old and not mobile. I look forward to see the differences in their interaction now.  I look forward to seeing my daughter.