Just wanted to draw your attention to the cute little graphic that recently popped up in my right side bar. Or, for those of you who read through a trusty feed reader, this little guy:

See, Coley (from Birth Mom Buds) and I have been working hard on redoing my adoption story show case site for the past few days and I just had to share it. If you’ve even been to the old one, you might remember it desperately needed updating. Not only were the graphics not so good (oh, how technology improves quickly), there were pictures not working, it was linked to my very first old blog, and it said I was still a senior in high school. Obviously, it had been awhile since I wrote it. In fact, it was just months after Kaylee was born.

But now! It’s beautiful again. However it’s not just beautiful in colors and pictures, but I re-wrote it as well. Some things I decided didn’t need to be shared that were in the old one (like names or family drama), and this time it includes more than just my adoption story and also focuses on how God worked in my life. If you’ve ever read my testimony some parts might sound familiar.

And? It was just so, so fun to play with scrapbooking supplies for days. A big thanks to Michelle at Little Dreamer Designs that so graciously let us use her “Loveable” collection for the project. And thank you, Coley, for all your hard work putting it all together :-)

Enjoy!

Heather over at Production, Not Reproduction kindly suggested the book “The Tummy Mummy” by Michelle Madrid-Branch in a comment recently.  I have heard of this book before but had forgotten about it, and man, I’m so thankful Heather reminded me it was out there (thanks!). Upon reading reviews of the book on Amazon, I stumbled upon an online friend, Fire Mom at Stop, Drop, and Blog (who I very much respect her opinion and look up to as a fellow birth mom and mother) saying it was a good one.  Her adoption situation is similar to my own: open, domestic, close contact with her daughter and adoptive parents, etc. And then? I found a full review that she wrote on Adoption Blogs that totally sold me.

This book seems to have what I am looking for: 1) A message that I will always love her and made my decision out of love. 2) Her parents love her and will always be there for her. And, what I really love about this book?  A wise owl guides the birth mother through her decision.  That to me symbolizes God’s role in our adoption story and I cannot wait to share that with Kaylee.

So, finally, the search is over.  Though, I’ll just have to deal with not being able to read it before buying it. However, I will be buying it off Target so that for some strange reason I don’t think it’s fitting? I’ll return it to Target.  But really, I have this God-guided peace that this is it.

Thanks so much for all your comments and suggestions, you have no idea how helpful you have been and how thankful I am!

I am completely frustrated in my Children’s Adoption Book search.  I did some research online, took advice from all your comments, had a good list going but I’m still left empty handed.  I’d prefer not to buy a book online because I want to be able to read it first to see if it “fits” our story, the message that I’d like to send Kaylee (i.e. I made the decision out of love), if it even talks about birth parents, etc. But? When I go to a book store (or the library)? There is hardly anything. Even at the Christian book store there was one book on adoption for kids. ONE. And it sucked.

Is it just me, or does this seem odd?  Do people think that kids are rarely adopted? Do people think that it’s a hush-hush situation? Don’t kids want to hear about how loved they are through adoption? Don’t they have questions that need answered?

I know there are books out there (maybe even good ones) but they are NOT easy to find, and that’s the issue I have. The one book I really want to read is absolutely no where to be found in stores or online, “Pugnose Has Two Special Families” by Karis Kruzel. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh.

The good news is that I will be getting a copy of “Never, Never, Never, Will She Stop Loving You” by Jolene Durrant thanks to the wonderful Coley at Birth Mom Buds. Thanks, Coley :-) At least I have a back up.

And maybe I should order “Megan’s Birthday Tree” by Laurie Lears, but is it too old for a 4 year old right now?  I could save it for later, I guess? Gah. I just wish I could read things first!

I’m at a loss, this is really frustrating me. Sure, her new PJ’s I got her will be cute and practical, but I wanted something a bit more meaningful than that. This world needs to get with the program.

First off, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I hope it’s been a great day of pampering and loving on your own mom and/or getting pampered and honored yourself! My family certainly has done a lot for me this weekend, with beautiful flowers and funny cards, but certainly the high light has been my experience with Birth Mom Buds.

It’s funny how in such a short amount of time, less than 24 hours, you can make so many new connections and quickly come to feel as if you’ve known people forever. It’s a wonderful feeling to instantly “click” with people, which I feel is the hand of God at work giving us the blessing as a whole to be able to support each other. It was such an up lifting, fun filled, emotional and transparent 24 hours.

For me, the fun started Friday night as my Mom drove into town and we met up with 5 other ladies (all birth moms but one, one being the lovely Coley who is Bmom Bud’s Founder). It was my first time meeting these ladies face to face, so I was a bit shy and nervous but thankfully there were some outgoing personalities in our group! Dinner was the most amazing meal I’ve eaten in a long time. Like, Food Network top chief quality with the beautiful presentation and everything. Yum. It was a good time to get to know each other a bit more, hear about their stories, share my own and realize how it really can be a small world.

The next day the official Birth Mother’s Day Event started in the morning, where we were immediately greeted with gift bags (and the whole day was filled with give aways!). We all introduced ourselves with a brief telling of who we are, our children, type of adoption, etc. Everyone had their own story and experiences, from 20 year old children in closed adoptions to only 2 months post placement. It was really neat to see that we all have differences but our choice in adoption brings us together and that unifying experience leads us to help and lean on each other.

We had breakout sessions, one which I lead about journaling about how it can be a great tool for dealing with grief, stress, etc. It went really well and there was some great interaction with others and creative production of poems going on! Another successful speaking event = check!

After our (yummy) lunch we wrote a short prayer/note for our children, tied it to a balloon and let them float to heaven. I released on in honor of Kaylee and for my friend’s daughter, Eden (hi Bre!). Then we listened to several great speakers, one was an adult adoptee that was in a closed adoption but now has been reunited and what that was like. It was really, really validating to hear from the mouth of an adoptee that she is okay and that she is so, so thankful for what her birth mother did for her. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear those words from own daughter’s mouth, but it will be a glorious day if/when she does. Not that I have any doubts in my heart or mind that I did the wrong thing, but to hear from her that I did and her accepting that in her heart and mind, that will be powerful. One of the other speakers was Robyn who had a closed adoption and recently reunited with her son after 19 years. It was a tough story to listen to, but so inspiring as well.

We watched the famous Birth Mom Buds slide show, and then later gathered in a circle to light candles in honor of our children while saying a prayer for them. It was beautiful to see so many women standing together pouring out their hearts in love and willing to be transparent with each other. Not just in this circle, but throughout the whole day.

It was hard to say goodbye, I really did not want the fun and closeness to end. I believe some one said at some point that it was a place filled with love, and it certainly was! On my home a song came on the radio called, “Be still and Know I’m Here” and while this is a Christian song meant to to be about God, I felt it captured this weekend’s experience perfectly. Towards the end of the song, it repeats” We are not alone” several times in such an up lifting way. As a birth mother, I don’t often come in face to face contact with others that share my experience, joys and pain of adoption. But that 24 hours? Was one where it became a reality that there are others out there (and in my own city!) that know what it’s like and we can lean on each other. We are not alone.

So, if anyone is reading this from Birth Mom Buds that I met this weekend, this is a huge thanks to all of you and how wonderful you made this weekend for me. I look forward to our next meeting, and I hope it will be soon! And of course, thanks to my Mom for making it financially possible to attend, giving me encouragement and making this weekend even more special with her presence.

Next from Momma O: A Mother’s Day post.

I’m a little late posting this (school is consuming me), but I thought it was important to share regardless.

I have an online friend, Hillary, that I’ve known since I was pregnant with Kaylee. She was there via instant messenger to support me through both my pregnancies. We were pregnant with our second children at the same time. We’ve shared experiences that are the same, and many more experiences that are different but it’s our children and faith that bring us together.

This woman has been through a lot in the years I’ve known her. Her second son, Liam, was born last April 9th, happy and healthy as could be and when I came back from my honeymoon I found out that he had died of SIDS. He died on May 17th for unknown reasons. I felt awful that while I was rejoicing in my new marriage, she was heartbroken with grief for her 5 and half week old. I cannot even imagine what this past year has been like for her and her family, coming to terms with his very early loss. It makes me treasure Savannah even more.

This past Wednesday was April 9th, which would be Liam’s first birthday. In honor of him, Hillary asked that people write a note to him and release balloons. Mark’s brother and I did just that. We each wrote a note that I will be mailing to Hillary for her scrapbook, and captured the release on camera to send to her as well. I hope Liam enjoyed his balloons as he watched from above.

Please also keep this family in your prayers. I know this is a very emotional time for Hillary and her son Jayden (4 years old). With Hillary’s loss and the loss of baby Audrey, death and grief has been surrounding us lately, even in one of my classes we’re discussing death. It frightens me how quickly and unexplained someone can be taken away. I know that’s where God should come in to bring healing and comfort, but some times that’s hard to accept.

(Yes, I know presence is spelled wrong. It’s my curse. I can’t spell or use grammar correctly.)

—–

As a side note (or under note?) Another friend over at Live, Laugh, Blog is having an awesome giveaway!  Go check it out and lift those spirits back up.

It’s starting to be a hectic time for us in the O Home as the semester is winding down. Which means, professors wind it up even more and pile assignments, tests and papers on the double. So forgive me if I’m absent in the next few weeks without much worth-while content, but for today? This is weighing on my heart heavy, much more than my selfish world.

Live, Laugh, Blog posted this prayer request for Bring the Rain earlier today and I just had to pass it on. Angie at Bring the Rain is set to have her daughter, Audrey, via C-section today at 4pm. But, Audrey will not be able to survive out of her mother’s womb due to several health conditions. I didn’t know about Angie’s blog until today but reading over her posts have deeply moved me. She is a strong, beautiful woman that sincerly loves the Lord and trusts in His plan for their family.

Please, please keep them in your thoughts and prayers. I cannot even imagine what they have been feeling as they approach this day and what they will be going through after. Please pray for peace through all this. Angie is a wonderful example of what a dedicated life to Christ is. I can just picture her standing in the rain, arms wide open soaking up the love Christ has for her, trusting that He’ll provide and protect their family through this time.

Things like this remind me of what life is really about and all the things we take for granted. Coincidently, this is exactly what we’re talking about in our church small group. Oranges become so much more valuable than rubies. I know Angie is treasuring her pregnancy and short time with her little girl more than most Mom’s ever do.

Lord, be with them. I know You are.

Edit:  Audrey Caroline was born at 4:31 this afternoon and is now in the Lord’s arms after a few hours here on earth with her family. Let’s continue to keep this family in our prayers. I cannot even imagine…

I was doing my nightly blog reading over at The Chronicles of Munchkin Land and was stopped in my mouse tracks with this comment:

Sorry Jenna,
Babies who are voluntarily relinquished for adoption are “unwanted.” (You don’t put wanted babies up for adoption.)
Adoptive parents are “rescuing” that child and making a very hard decision in a very hard situation as well. Quite frankly, if the US adoption system would concentrate a little harder on respecting the rights of adoptive parents more children would be adopted domestically. It is, quite frankly, “easier” to adopt internationally.

Been there, done that.

— Posted by RUBBA

*Blink*  Some one has their lenses fogged.  I absolutely love Kaylee more than anything (or ya know, equal with Savannah because their both my girls!) I wanted to parent her with all my heart and soul. I wanted her. But I also wanted more for her life than a single 16 year old mom, she deserved a better life than what I could offer at that time. That isn’t unwanted and unloved in my book. I loved her enough to make that sacrifice, to let go of my own desires of parenting and let God work His miracles.  And now she’s even more loved and wanted by two families!

I can’t even function enough to deal with the rest of this ridiculous comment. But, I think Jenna and the readers over there have some great answers. As a tip though?  Don’t tell a birth mother how she feels about her child. Do not assume that all babies are “unwanted” and “unloved” because they were placed for adoption, you will find out quickly that you are wrong. Ask any birth mother.  If you are a birth mother, don’t you agree? Are you appalled at this as I am?  Even other adoption mothers are livid over this statement!

Ridiculous lies.

This is by far the funniest post I have ever read. Go check out Burgh Baby’s Mom!  I needed a laugh, I’m sure you do, too.

(This shortest post ever that contains no content of my own is brought to you buy a cold and headache.)

So the exciting news I’ve been referring to?

We’re moving! Well, virtually, that is. We’re moving web hosts so that we (I) have our own website. I’m so excited!

I’ve enjoyed this past year using wordpress.com, it’s given me a start into the public blogging world. It’s connected me to other great bloggers, it’s been easy to use but also helped me to grow and get to know about this blog thing more. I’ve been proud of the work I’ve done on here. But, I’ve started to feel really limited. Since it’s a free blog there are a lot more rules. Especially in the design area, it only allows you to pick out of the few design choices they offer unless you pay an extra fee per month. Easy enough, but if I’m going to pay something per month, I’d rather just have my own website where I can do practically anything I want! Also, as an extra way to earn a little money, I wanted to put up some tasteful ads from BlogHer Ads, but that wasn’t allowed (understandably though, since the blog is free).

I’ve been wanting my own space for a long time. I’m ready to learn new things about the internet/blog world. I’m ready to change graphics to my own taste and have a domain name established that doesn’t include .wordpress.com at the end. I’m ready for a header that doesn’t turn blurry and pixely when I upload it.

With money being tight (ya know, school supplies, diapers, baby food, Christmas presents, etc.), I asked for a website for Christmas. Luckily, my Dad is a high tech kind of guy and “gets” this sort of thing and gets why I would want one. During our week and half stay with my Dad, that will be father-daughter project. I’m so excited!

And so, I’m joining in on The Big Bloggy Move Party! Hosted by After a Cup of Coffee…or Two and SortaCrunchy (I would post a link to her as well, but I can’t find one that works).

February 11th, 2008 (how in the world is it already close to being 2008?) they will be posting all the links to the new websites that want to join in. Post your own when the time comes and check out everyone else’s new site! It’s a great way to get new readers and traffic. Of course, I’m hoping my new website will be way done, up and running by February 11th, but like I said, it’s a great way to get the new site out there. Go see if you qualify if you’d like to join in on the party! Did I mention…there will be prizes!

Happy Moving :-)