Just wanted to draw your attention to the cute little graphic that recently popped up in my right side bar. Or, for those of you who read through a trusty feed reader, this little guy:

See, Coley (from Birth Mom Buds) and I have been working hard on redoing my adoption story show case site for the past few days and I just had to share it. If you’ve even been to the old one, you might remember it desperately needed updating. Not only were the graphics not so good (oh, how technology improves quickly), there were pictures not working, it was linked to my very first old blog, and it said I was still a senior in high school. Obviously, it had been awhile since I wrote it. In fact, it was just months after Kaylee was born.

But now! It’s beautiful again. However it’s not just beautiful in colors and pictures, but I re-wrote it as well. Some things I decided didn’t need to be shared that were in the old one (like names or family drama), and this time it includes more than just my adoption story and also focuses on how God worked in my life. If you’ve ever read my testimony some parts might sound familiar.

And? It was just so, so fun to play with scrapbooking supplies for days. A big thanks to Michelle at Little Dreamer Designs that so graciously let us use her “Loveable” collection for the project. And thank you, Coley, for all your hard work putting it all together :-)

Enjoy!

I am completely frustrated in my Children’s Adoption Book search.  I did some research online, took advice from all your comments, had a good list going but I’m still left empty handed.  I’d prefer not to buy a book online because I want to be able to read it first to see if it “fits” our story, the message that I’d like to send Kaylee (i.e. I made the decision out of love), if it even talks about birth parents, etc. But? When I go to a book store (or the library)? There is hardly anything. Even at the Christian book store there was one book on adoption for kids. ONE. And it sucked.

Is it just me, or does this seem odd?  Do people think that kids are rarely adopted? Do people think that it’s a hush-hush situation? Don’t kids want to hear about how loved they are through adoption? Don’t they have questions that need answered?

I know there are books out there (maybe even good ones) but they are NOT easy to find, and that’s the issue I have. The one book I really want to read is absolutely no where to be found in stores or online, “Pugnose Has Two Special Families” by Karis Kruzel. Ugh, Ugh, Ugh.

The good news is that I will be getting a copy of “Never, Never, Never, Will She Stop Loving You” by Jolene Durrant thanks to the wonderful Coley at Birth Mom Buds. Thanks, Coley :-) At least I have a back up.

And maybe I should order “Megan’s Birthday Tree” by Laurie Lears, but is it too old for a 4 year old right now?  I could save it for later, I guess? Gah. I just wish I could read things first!

I’m at a loss, this is really frustrating me. Sure, her new PJ’s I got her will be cute and practical, but I wanted something a bit more meaningful than that. This world needs to get with the program.

Just wanted to share this year’s slide show that was shown on Birth Mother’s Day. You’ll see a few of me and Kaylee in it :-) I don’t know why it’s just now clicking, after nearly 4 years, that I am not alone. It makes my heart rejoice that our pain and joys brings us together. I know all these woman have a story to tell, want to read some?.

P.S. It’s 9am and Savannah is just now waking up. My girl, who hates sleep. Wha?

First off, Happy Mother’s Day everyone! I hope it’s been a great day of pampering and loving on your own mom and/or getting pampered and honored yourself! My family certainly has done a lot for me this weekend, with beautiful flowers and funny cards, but certainly the high light has been my experience with Birth Mom Buds.

It’s funny how in such a short amount of time, less than 24 hours, you can make so many new connections and quickly come to feel as if you’ve known people forever. It’s a wonderful feeling to instantly “click” with people, which I feel is the hand of God at work giving us the blessing as a whole to be able to support each other. It was such an up lifting, fun filled, emotional and transparent 24 hours.

For me, the fun started Friday night as my Mom drove into town and we met up with 5 other ladies (all birth moms but one, one being the lovely Coley who is Bmom Bud’s Founder). It was my first time meeting these ladies face to face, so I was a bit shy and nervous but thankfully there were some outgoing personalities in our group! Dinner was the most amazing meal I’ve eaten in a long time. Like, Food Network top chief quality with the beautiful presentation and everything. Yum. It was a good time to get to know each other a bit more, hear about their stories, share my own and realize how it really can be a small world.

The next day the official Birth Mother’s Day Event started in the morning, where we were immediately greeted with gift bags (and the whole day was filled with give aways!). We all introduced ourselves with a brief telling of who we are, our children, type of adoption, etc. Everyone had their own story and experiences, from 20 year old children in closed adoptions to only 2 months post placement. It was really neat to see that we all have differences but our choice in adoption brings us together and that unifying experience leads us to help and lean on each other.

We had breakout sessions, one which I lead about journaling about how it can be a great tool for dealing with grief, stress, etc. It went really well and there was some great interaction with others and creative production of poems going on! Another successful speaking event = check!

After our (yummy) lunch we wrote a short prayer/note for our children, tied it to a balloon and let them float to heaven. I released on in honor of Kaylee and for my friend’s daughter, Eden (hi Bre!). Then we listened to several great speakers, one was an adult adoptee that was in a closed adoption but now has been reunited and what that was like. It was really, really validating to hear from the mouth of an adoptee that she is okay and that she is so, so thankful for what her birth mother did for her. I don’t know if I’ll ever hear those words from own daughter’s mouth, but it will be a glorious day if/when she does. Not that I have any doubts in my heart or mind that I did the wrong thing, but to hear from her that I did and her accepting that in her heart and mind, that will be powerful. One of the other speakers was Robyn who had a closed adoption and recently reunited with her son after 19 years. It was a tough story to listen to, but so inspiring as well.

We watched the famous Birth Mom Buds slide show, and then later gathered in a circle to light candles in honor of our children while saying a prayer for them. It was beautiful to see so many women standing together pouring out their hearts in love and willing to be transparent with each other. Not just in this circle, but throughout the whole day.

It was hard to say goodbye, I really did not want the fun and closeness to end. I believe some one said at some point that it was a place filled with love, and it certainly was! On my home a song came on the radio called, “Be still and Know I’m Here” and while this is a Christian song meant to to be about God, I felt it captured this weekend’s experience perfectly. Towards the end of the song, it repeats” We are not alone” several times in such an up lifting way. As a birth mother, I don’t often come in face to face contact with others that share my experience, joys and pain of adoption. But that 24 hours? Was one where it became a reality that there are others out there (and in my own city!) that know what it’s like and we can lean on each other. We are not alone.

So, if anyone is reading this from Birth Mom Buds that I met this weekend, this is a huge thanks to all of you and how wonderful you made this weekend for me. I look forward to our next meeting, and I hope it will be soon! And of course, thanks to my Mom for making it financially possible to attend, giving me encouragement and making this weekend even more special with her presence.

Next from Momma O: A Mother’s Day post.

Gosh, it’s been an awesome weekend so far. Expect a detailed post filled with pictures, tears and laughter coming soon. Birth Mom Buds is made up of some amazing, godly woman. I am so blessed to have met them (some, at least, as there are members even in other countries!) face to face.

But for now? Happy Birth Mother’s Day to those Birth Mother’s that read here. May this day have been one of reflection, honor and support for you.

And those that read that are adopted, may you take a moment to honor your birth mother and the choice she’s made to better your life.

And of course, those that are adoptive parents, may you take a minute to treasure the special lady that brought your child into the world!

I know God has provided me with many new and wonderful connections just in the past 24 hours. I really wish I could do it all over again!

(P.S. Happy early Mother’s Day as well!)

As I’m sure most of you realize by now that Mother’s Day is just around the corner. However, I bet most don’t realize that means Birth Mother’s Day is also looming close, the Saturday before Mother’s Day.  I’ve mentioned this briefly before, but this day was created in 1990 by a group of Birth Mother’s in Seattle to (obviously) honor women who have placed their child (children, in some cases) in an adoption.  It was created with the intention to educate others about adoption, but more importantly to honor, remember, and recognize our decision.

I know many birth mothers have struggled with this time of the year, understandably, and the issue of feeling like birth mothers are never included, recognized, or if they are included…it’s separately. They’ve struggled with being torn between the two holidays, which to celebrate? And why celebrate at all since it reminds them of pain and loss? 

I keep saying “they” because I guess I feel like I am one of the rare birth mothers that doesn’t have negative feelings toward Birth Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day, or adoption in general.  Maybe it’s just the people that I’ve found blogging about it that seem to have the dominating voice, but I’m here to say it’s not like that for everyone. I’m not saying adoption is hunky-dory happy all the time (cause it’s not), just that people’s situations, outlooks, experiences are different.

I remember my first Mother’s Day after placing Kaylee, which took place nearly a year after her birth, I was nervous at how I would feel on the day. But, as usual my worries exceeded the actuality and it was a good weekend for me.  I was (and am) lucky that my family, as well as Kaylee’s, not only recognized me in my role as a Birth Mother, but also as a Mother.  I remember receiving a card from Kaylee’s family for Mother’s Day and my heart swelled and tears were brought to my eyes that her Mom would think of me on the day that it was supposed to be about her. I’m honored that my daughter has a Mom like her, one who doesn’t just think about her self and acknowledges that without me Kaylee wouldn’t be with them.

I guess part of my positive outlook is that I have had mostly positive experiences that out weigh the pain.  And, I’ve always considered myself a mother since Kaylee was born, despite that I wasn’t parenting her and even before Savannah came along. I just felt my role was different than the typical mother. My role was to carry and nurture her in my womb, give her the best family and life possible, and now I step back, watch her grow from a distance and enjoy the moments I do have with her.  That Mother-Daughter connection didn’t break when her umbilical cord was cut and I handed her over. No, it’s just different.

For me in my first year as a Mother after Kaylee’s birth, I felt privileged to have the whole weekend to celebrate, and I still do. This year, I will be really celebrating both days with the Birth Mom Buds event (where I’m speaking and leading a session!) and then our own family thing on Sunday. It’ll be a weekend full of remembrance for me, for both my daughters and in honor of both my roles.

I wear the honor proudly, both days. Always.

(I liked this article on Birth Mother’s Day, have a look for more information and another perspective to this controversial issue)

I don’t think I have many birthmoms reading this blog, especially not any that live near NC but just incase:
The Birth Mom Buds group is having a Birthmother’s Day Event in Charlotte, NC on May 10th. Birthmother’s Day is celebrated the day before Mother’s Day. Some don’t like the fact that we have a separate day to celebrate one of our “hats” of life, but I personally love that I have TWO days to celebrate parts of who I am, whether I am parenting a child or not. I considered myself a mother before Savannah came along, my duties were just a bit different.

This group of ladies are wonderful. Soon after I delivered Kaylee and came home with an empty heart and arms, I received a big package from this mysterious “Birth Mom Buds” group. Quite honestly, I was scared. How did they know I had just placed my daughter?! I looked them up on line and was thrilled to find such a helpful website, and turns out another birthmother knew I was about to place and recommended they send me one of their care packages. These are sweet, sweet people with huge hearts that just want to connect, love and help each other.

I think this is a wonderful chance to meet other birthmoms and share our stories. I know I haven’t met many birthmoms face to face (but those I have are some of my dearest friends!). Thank goodness for the internet or I don’t know how I would survive and know that my feelings are normal.

I didn’t go to the event last year, but I will be going this year. I’ve even been asked to lead a breakout session about journaling! God’s at work again getting me out of my shell.

Email me or BirthMom Buds for more info if you’d like to join us!