Jaxson is still baking at 98.7 degrees.

Apparently he isn’t done cooking so the small leak I was having sealed itself back up (yes, it can happen! I probably had a “high leak”) and no real contractions ever started. And while it was disappointing to go from “He’s coming now!” and getting the whole internet, family, and friends excited…I’m okay with it. I am truly enjoying pregnancy and don’t feel like I need to rush him out. Especially, if this is our last child I want to treasure these days feeling his movements inside because I know how much I miss pregnancy when it’s over.

That said, I have been having lots of prelabor symptoms and it seems to be doing something since I’m already progressing (2cm dilated, 25% effaced, and he’s at -1 station last checked on Tuesday). I’m using this time to really relax and trust my body to do it’s thing. Of course, even with all my prelabor signs it still could be weeks. I am trusting that God, this baby, and my body know what it’s doing and the real time will come when it’s ready :-) That peace and actually enjoying pregnancy at this point (among the cramps, backaches, sleep issues, etc) is such a different feeling than I had with Kaylee or Savannah. I just wanted them out and was miserable those last weeks because I dwelled on the pains and only looked forward instead of living in the present. This time the perspective is totally different and I feel its a God thing helping me to slow down and cherish it.  And when I do have my moments of, “I am done with this pregnancy thing! Come out!” I remember that whether he comes tonight or in 2 weeks, that still is really close :-) He will be here before we know it.

Until then, I’ll be relaxing and treasuring every kick…

If you follow me on Facebook, you would know that Jaxson’s arrival could be soon. I may be leaking amniotic fluid! Here’s the story:

(and if you don’t want to hear about various bodily fluids and womanly things…click away now…)

Saturday we had a really active day outside taking Savannah to a pumpkin patch, walking a lot, went on a bumpy hayride, ate spicy food, etc. so maybe that’s what started it. That night I was sitting here at the computer, Jaxson was being very active and I heard/felt a pop down low. I immediately thought, “Oh? Did my water just break?” but when I stood up to check it was just a tiny, tiny gush and so I thought it was just discharge or urine leaking. Since then I’ve felt it off and on, usually when I move or the baby moves and I’ve thought it is just me leaking urine since he’s low and often on my bladder. Then last night I was waken up by back pain that felt like period cramping again (“again” meaning 2 weeks ago I had period-type cramps all week and it was him dropping lower) but it actually had peaks instead of being the dull constant pain that I had a few weeks ago. They’ve been coming and going since, but nothing too painful and nothing really timable (obviously, since I’m here writing a blog post).

It’s never been a constant stream like a lot of people say they experience but I decided to look it up just in case and it sounded like I am leaking This describes me exactly: http://www.birth.com.au/Physical-signs-of-prelabour/Waters-breaking-%28membranes-rupturing%29-no-contractions.aspx). The midwife agreed and I’ll be getting checked tomorrow if nothing happens sooner. And yes, we are taking precautions against infection.

I never had this leaking feeling and definitely not the popping noise/feeling with my other pregnancies, my water had to be broken by the doctor during my inductions so this is all new to me. I hope this is the real deal coming soon and we’re not getting our hopes up over pee! :-D

But, just in case things start moving along, I need to finish an article…wash some laundry…put away the dishes…take a nap….and…

If you’ve read this blog for a while, you may remember when we switched Savannah from disposables to cloth diapers around 2.5 years old.  And I’ll be honest, we didn’t stick with it.  The main reasons why? The stink of microfiber I couldn’t figure out how to keep away, the fact that I lived with my in-laws at the time so it was difficult to keep up with washing when I had to share the washer with 4 other people, and also with me being still in school at the time it just made it difficult to get a routine down. The biggest thing though is that Savannah started to not like them because she could feel she was wet unlike with disposables, which is understandably a big change after 2.5 years in Pampers. She wasn’t ready to potty train yet and so we switched back.

However, with Jaxson’s arrival I’m determined to try again and make it work. Why? The benefits are so worth it for me.  Now that our situation is different, where I am home 24/7, I can wash whenever I need. Also, I’m doing it for the cost savings. We spent about $50′s a month on diapers for Savannah in her 3 plus years in diapers before being potty trained. So roughly 39 months in diapers= $1950 (and that doesn’t include what my in-laws spent for when they watched her, disposable wipes, or diaper genie refills so the number is easily over $2,000). And honestly, one of the main reasons I’m starting from the beginning is for the breastfeeding poop blowouts that occur less often (if ever) in cloth diapers. I remember it was a constant battle and frustration with Savannah in her little Pampers until she started solids. She would poop right through her clothes and onto my lap, my bed, carseat, whatever.  Cloth diapers are just designed better in general, with leg gussets and a tighter fit around the back so hopefully no more  (or at least much less) shooting-up-the-back blowouts will happen! Plus, the fact I’m starting from the beginning with him there is no adjusting or not liking them because it is all he will know. And really? You should feel how soft these diapers are compared to paper disposables. I’ve heard that growing up being able to feel the wetness helps cloth diapering babies to potty train faster, too. If so, bonus! And of course, there are eco-friendly reasons of not throwing out thousands of diapers/wipes in our landfills.

Right now I have about a day’s worth of the tiny newborn stage (during which we will be using some disposables to get past the icky tar like meconium stage) and a day’s worth of larger baby sizes, which means at this point I’ll have to wash each night. My goal is to slowly buy some more once I figure out what works best for us so that I can wash every other day. I’ve decided to use mainly prefolds and covers in the beginning months because I’ve read they hold in the breastfeeding poo’s even better (and fit better on a tiny newborn) than other types such as pockets, plus they are the cheapest way to cloth diaper. When he gains some weight I’ll add in the pocket style diapers like BumGenius, Thirsties, and FuzziBunz.

Aren’t the fun colors so much…well…fun compared to disposables?!

It makes me happy to look at.

This is the whole stash so far, except for my stack of cloth wipes and what I’ve received since taking the picture: 2 newborn fitted Kissaluvs, a Kawaii pocket diaper, a GroVia (which is a Hybrid diaper so we can throw away the inserts to biodegrate when traveling to make it easier!), and a large size hanging Planet Wise Wet Bag to put his dirty diapers in before washing (Thank you again Kelley!).

I have had so many friends switch to cloth, or start from the beginning and have loved it so I’m glad to be surrounded by support and people I can turn to with questions. I’m excited to start this again and to try out different styles or brands unlike last time with Savannah. Mark  just rolls his eyes and is glad he is at work all day so he can avoid this kind of diapering, but I figure if I’m the one home the majority of the time then I can make the choice of what diapers to use :-)

I know I’ve promised this posts for weeks now, but trust me, it’s worth the wait because I’ve got even more to show you now :-) I have done little projects to keep me occupied and customize Jaxson’s room in ways I didn’t get to do with Savannah, and I’m loving the results!

First off though, I have to give some credit to my husband. See, my Mom let us have her old childhood furniture (and mine) to use for Jaxson but it really needed some lovin’ before it entered his room.  The stain/paint was chipping off, the hardware was falling off and scratching the wood, etc. Plus it just looked…outdated…and needed a new look. I originally was going to re-do it myself because I am the more handy person of this O Couple, but one weekend while I was visiting family he surprised me by taking on the task of sanding and refinishing one of the dressers. He even picked out cool modern handles! This picture doesn’t do it justice (it’s darker, less red, in person), mostly because this is me trying to take a picture from across the room, in the corner, with my  back pressed to the wall (Dear Santa: I need a different camera lens for these kind of things!).

Then, a few weeks later I added this mobile over the changing area. I bought this decoration at Hobby Lobby for my baby shower with the thought I could reuse it as a decoration in his room, too.  However, it originally had a toile pattern on some of the dots so I bought a inch and half hole punch (scrapbooking section!) and punched out orange scrapbooking paper to tape on using scrapbooking picture tape squares. Super easy, but so time consuming. It took hours to complete, but I love doing that kind of stuff. However, it does need to be shortened because it would be in the way of Mark’s head when changing diapers or baby clothes.

Lastly, because of the sanding done earlier, the inside of the of the drawers had some powdery-orange-red old stain that I couldn’t get to wipe away and thus it was getting onto Jaxson’s sweet newborn clothes.  I decided to line his drawers so that it would resolve the issue and remembered this easy DIY project one of my favorite blogs did a few months ago (tutorial here). I already had the Mod Podge and foam brush so I went in search for the perfect paper to use. I wanted to use wrapping paper as Young House Love did but I could not find anything cool enough, so I decided to find cool scrapbooking paper instead. For these drawers, I used 3 full scrapbooking papers to cover it (the VERY back has about an half and inch it doesn’t cover but who will ever see that?)

The fun colors and patterns make me happy to open his drawers, it is a shame I have to cover these with clothes and diapers, huh?

And that concludes our tour of the diaper changing area all completed :-) Still left to do: hang art work, find another pair of white tabbed curtains for his other window, and stain more furniture (ah hem, Mark). And even if those don’t get done, we’re pretty much set for his arrival. Tomorrow (October 5th) marks my due date one month away, whoa!

My due date is exactly 2 months away. I know that sounds kind of far away still, but this pregnancy has flown by and I think it will continue to do so up until 36 weeks. And then, I’ll keep waiting and expecting labor to arrive, but that’ll just make the time slow. It also doesn’t seem like enough time to get my “to-do” list done. Thankfully we are generally prepared since we have so much left over from Savannah, and we definitely have everything we need if he arrived even if my to-list wasn’t completed. But, I still want his room to look nice and finished, to have my stock of cloth diapers ready and a diaper pail to put them in, to shampoo these nasty carpets, and to pack our bags and have them ready to go just in case. The urge to prepare has started to take over…

However, I can’t do a lot of that preparing myself…or at least without going on a shopping spree (which is a no-no to Daddy O!) so I have to find cheap ways to entertain myself. Especially now that I have these lists going on in my head 24/7 and it’s hard to sleep at night. So, I do some crafting! Not only is it something I love, but it helps satisfy that urge to do something for this baby.

Most recently, I made a custom onsie. Who needs to pay $20 for one now? Ha! I found some transfer paper at the craft store, Savannah’s old onsie, created a design in my trusty photoshop, ironed it on, and boom:

Custom, cheap, and easy. This was my first so it isn’t perfect but it’s still wearable and cute. I should buy a pack of onsies and make a whole collection, like with this cool font. And I think a burp cloth or two is next in line.

Also, I seriously cannot wait to show you my other latest project for the nursery. I just need Mark to hang it (and…um…I need to decide the most perfect place) so that I can take pictures in all it’s fun-colored glory!

I know I’ve been missing lately. We’ve been busy with lots of play dates, trips, even a concert and getting to ride the real life Thomas the Train. More on all that later :-)

Right now I wanted to share something special I stumbled on a fellow “rainbow mommy” blog. What is a rainbow parent? Someone who has lost a child due to miscarriage, still birth, failed adoption, etc. and is expecting a new child after the loss. Expecting after a loss definitely is a scary place to be at times, but exciting. It’s a time of hope that this time it will be different, but also a place of vulnerability and fear, just like I experienced during the first trimester. (I can’t help but feel so blessed looking back and reading those scared posts, thank you God for Jaxson!)

Stephanie is the artist of Beyond Words Designs and she wants to share her gift of art with other rainbow parents in hopes that the art will bring healing and excitement for the new little one. Her daughter Amelia was stillborn this past March and so she knows the pain and grief all to well (you can read her story her). Thankfully though, she has taken her gift and used it to help her through her own grief as well as other parents, resulting in beautiful and meaningful artwork!

And, she is helping us small-budget rainbow parents by offering 50% off her Fanciful Collection for rainbow parents until August 7th. Visit her website for examples and promotion rules. I normally wouldn’t buy something like this since I’m kinda artsy myself and had plans of doing my own letter J for Jaxson’s room (using fabric, not paint) but I really wanted to support a fellow rainbow mom and her talent :-) I can’t wait to see what she comes up with for his room! Of course, I will share the results when I receive it.

(Note: I am purchasing with my own moo-lah and was not paid to promote Beyond Words Designs)

Today…was a very big and fun day in so many ways.

1) I went to the giant Ikea store for the first time. Oh. my. gosh. Designer heaven. Did I ever mention I used to want to study to be an interior designer?  I wouldn’t want to be responsible for some one else’s house now, but I so enjoy decorating our house! There were so many ideas popping in my head, I almost wish I had more rooms left to decorate. Almost. And what’s even more amazing than the various products and styles is the prices. See, Mark gave me a “budget” of only $20 (go ahead and laugh, we did too) and I went $12 over. I came out with:

-3 round area rugs to make polka dots on the floor I paid $4.50 each (technically they are bath rugs, but they don’t look like it to me!)

-A taller step stool for Savannah $5.99 (Now that she is potty trained, she obviously needs to wash her hands more and it has been frustrating for her to not be able to reach with the typical stools places like Target have),

-A throw pillow that matches the new paint color for $1 (looks great in my glider!)

-Blue/fallish napkins for my baby shower $2.50

-And get this…a $5 twin duvet cover (better picture of fabric is below). FIVE DOLLARS!

Grand total: $32. Can we say score?

2) I actually spent time with other ladies my age. It’s not often I get kid-free social time. Fantastic day.

3)  Jaxson’s room is quickly starting to look like a nursery! Today we not only got paint on the walls (thanks uncle!), but the crib, bedding, etc. and added the new Ikea finds to finish it off for now.

See?

It’s a light tealish blue that matches the crib sheet. Of course, there is still much to do, mainly involving a huge project of refinishing old furniture (two dressers, a night stand, and a head/foot board). Also, I  need to figure out what and where to put things on the walls. Oh, and curtains. And…lots of washing and organizing once I have a dresser finished. Still, it’s a good start for one day, huh?

Now, who’s excited for November when there is a cute baby boy along with all the cute stuff?! That would be me…

…and why I’m up until 1am writing about it.

I remember growing up watching Anne of Green Gabels movies at my Grandpa’s house. I was so young that I hardly remember the plot line besides a red haired orphan (not to be confused with Annie!) but I do remember her always saying her name was, “Anne with an E.”

While our son’s name will not be Anne with an E, we’ve decided on Jaxson with an X. Perhaps we’re setting him up to have the same response each time people ask his name, just as I do now when people ask, but the name just feels so right. I love the X in there because his nick name won’t be shortened to “Jack” but to “Jax” and that just looks and sounds like a cool guy name to me (plus the one Jax I know on General Hospital isn’t too bad on the eyes! And we all want our kids to be good looking, right?). Jaxson was the name that stood out to me as I went over list after list, it’s a name that gives my heart flutters thinking about my son Jaxson. It just feels right.

Of course, it wasn’t an easy road to officially decide on his name. For a few weeks it was going to be Gabriel Madden, and while I tried to like it for my husband’s sake who picked it out, it didn’t sit right right. I would cringe when we used it in a sentence “testing” it out. I kept thinking about all the awful nicknames people would come up with instead of using the full name. Eventually, Mark agreed that it didn’t feel right for him either. However, he was hesitant using Jaxson because he wanted to pick out his name. Our compromise? We kept the middle name he (and I) loved, Madden, because it perfectly incorporates not only a not-commonly-used-cool-name but Mark’s love of xbox games and watching football (ya know, since the real John Madden was a football announcer in our lifetime). So, Jaxson Madden it is.

It took me a while to get over his entire name ending with “n’s.” Like, I seriously put up polls on the various social networks I’m on to help me decide if it was awful or not. And, even when we had decided it was the right name, I tried to keep it a secret for fear of what others think. Some hate it and say it’s too “rhymey” or don’t flow, and that’s fine, but the more I think about his name the more I love it, just as I fall in love with him more each day. Plus, I figure that a full name is rarely said (except when in trouble or maybe announced when graduating) so who cares if his full name doesn’t “flow” like some people like? They can name their own kid something else :-)

So there you go, that’s what in our little guy’s name. Our Jaxson with an X.

I’m so enjoying this stage of pregnancy. It’s nice not to feel gaggy like the first trimester, yet not huge and full of heartburn like I know the last trimester will entail. One of my favorite parts though is, of course, feeling this little guy move. I’ve felt him for over 10 weeks now (he is very active!) but it’s neat to feel his movements become stronger over time. Instead of it always being flutters I can now feel the little elbows or knees roll by. I love it! Mark finally is able to feel him move from the outside as well. Definitely moments I treasure.

What I really love is that he already has a set schedule of when he wakes up and I find it hilarious. I don’t remember my girls haven’t such a strict schedule, I do remember it was my bladder that had the schedule of when to wake up to pee. This little guy wakes up on every odd number hour. 7am…9am…11am…see? It’s about 11am and he’s awake! When we went to the beach last week and I didn’t have a clock nearby I could generally tell what time it was based on his movements. I find it so funny he already has a routine.

I wonder if it will be the same as a newborn or if it says anything about his personality?

I have a confession to make. But first off, what I’m about to say does not in any way mean I don’t love this little being growing inside of me.It doesn’t mean I wish for a different baby, it doesn’t mean anything except that I’m a worry wart. And since I like my blog to be real, I’ve got to dive into something that’s been consuming my thoughts lately.

So here it is: I’m struggling with the idea of having a boy.

Not because I don’t want a boy or could never love a boy, but because I don’t know what to do with a boy. Cars, action figure posters plastered on the wall, all that extra energy? And more sports in my life(ah!). It’s not my thing. I can handle this girl stuff Savannah gets into, because, well, I am a girly-girl myself. I can relate to her. A boy? It’s tough.

I’m scared that I won’t bond with a boy. Sure, it will be fine while he is an infant and I can enjoy all the snuggles and nursing that I did with Savannah, but what about when he gets older? I’m afraid of losing touch with him, not knowing what questions to ask to get to know him as he grows or what’s going on in his life. I keep thinking about my own brother, we were close when he was a baby and then he turned 3 or 4, when those boy interests and qualities really started to come out and we grew apart. My sister on the other hand, we only grow closer as the years go by. And in truth, I want that for Savannah. I want her to have a sister to bond with, to go through life with and maybe have a built in best friend. Idealized dream? Yes. I realize even if I have two girls it doesn’t guarantee they would even get a long! But I can dream.

I also always thought I’d have all girls. Mark thought the same thing, since his desire to have a boy is intense and he thought he wouldn’t get his way or something. And in truth, after having 2 girls, I just feel like a “girl momma.”  I never saw myself having a boy.  How is it different? Can I make the adjustment?

But, I can tell you as soon as I saw this little face on the screen, I fell in love with him even more and my worries practically are diminished already. Who couldn’t love this little guy? It comes down to this: I tend to worry over nothing, especially fear of the “unknown.” Everything will be fine, right? Maybe just a little different.