I know, I know. Christmas was 3 weeks ago, and I’m just now getting to posting pictures?  Life is busy.

The high lights:

-Savannah got way too many toys. I guess that happens with a Dad who’s a kid at heart himself and many sets of grandparents.

-She got pretty much all things princesses. The only thing she asked for this year (she went right up and told Santa herself) was a Snow White dress.  We used this desire as a bribe to reward her for sleeping through the night (it worked!) and so Christmas she finally got it. It’s funny how much she loves princesses and yet she’s never watched any of the videos, fine by me.

-Mark’s big gift from me was Panther’s football Tickets. He’s a huge sports fan and didn’t think we could afford tickets right now. His face was priceless! (Once again, I love me some mommy board finds!)

-I got mainly house stuff for Christmas and loved every minute of it. Between gifts and giftcards, we’re almost all set to go now!

-We had our Kaylee Christmas visit, staying the night again.  Savannah and Kaylee had a blast playing  together, I love watching them and the friendship they have formed.  Kaylee is really possessive over Savannah being her “baby sister” and doesn’t like to share play time with her brother, poor Blake gets left out. Mark and I had fun hanging out with their parents as always.

-I gave Kaylee a photobook for Christmas that shares a little bit about her birthfamily. Most of it is my family of course since that’s what I have more access to, but I contacted Kaylee’s birthgrandma for some information about her Birthdad growing up I could include. I added a page or two or random facts like birthdays, where we went to school, our hobbies, eye color, etc. and also shared our dating story and some pictures.  Kaylee liked it, but was totally confused that her birthdad is not Mark.  Hm…don’t know how to explain that one to a 5 year old!

-And to end my winter break with a shabang, I had my visit with Victoria!  We had our week jam packed with things to do and it was a blast (exhausting, but a blast)!  I saw historical things like the Liberty Bell in down town Philadelphia, we went snow tubing in the Poconos (so much fun, everyone should go!), went bowling for her birthday, got our nails done (first time since I got married, what a treat), painted pottery, ate the most amazing burger and french fries I have ever had at The Pop Shop (it was on the Food Network, it’s that good!), and finally got to meet her birth family.  It was so much :-)

-I, however, decided I can ever live in the north because the drivers and the road designs (ie. lanes just suddenly ending with no warning signs) stresses me out way too much.  We seriously almost crashed 20 times.  I love my easy going south.

And the big news:

We close on our house next week!

I am unbelievable excited and have been shopping like crazy to get the rest of the house things we needed. We also bought paint tonight while it was on sale at home depot.  I cannot wait to see what a difference the paint makes. We just need a washer and dryer, food, cleaning supplies, and blinds and we’ll have a home :-)

I love the holidays.

Not only is it a time of year I get to hear from extended friend and family that I never see via Christmas cards, or be able to spend time over good food with family that is closer by, experience dazzling lights as we drive home, singing Amy Grant, and enjoying other old traditions, but it’s also the time of the year I know I will have a visit with Kaylee.  Since our busy schedules have narrowed our visits down to 2 times a year, her birthday and Christmas, which happen to be 6 months apart, it’s a pretty exciting time of year for my whole family because by 6 months we’re so ready for another visit. We all love visiting with their family.

One thing I love is that Kaylee’s family and mine have created our own traditions, adoption style.  Not only do I know that we’ll have a visit, but I know what we’ll do, what we’ll eat, and pretty much what weekend it will be. It’s been relatively the same for the past 5 years. Here’s our drill: We always eat at a certain Japanese restaurant. Always. What? Don’t you guys eat Japanese food for Christmas celebrations? I don’t know how it started, but we do and it’d be strange to change it up now!  Originally we all exchanged gifts, but last year we changed it up so that all the adults participate in the Dirty Santa game (more fun, less money!) and we get something small for each kid. And then, we sit in their living room, watch the kids run around, attempt to take pictures, and chat for hours.

The worst part, of course, is having to leave (or maybe trying to pick out a gift? That gets me every time!).   I always wish it could last longer because the time flies too fast and then it’ll be another 6 months before I see them again. But, I feel incredibly blessed to get the time I (we) do no matter the time length.  She’s a lucky girl to be surrounded by such love, and we’re lucky we have the opportunity to be there to share the love in person. And that, is a gift that cannot be bought.

(Our visit 2 years ago, 2007)

This post is written for Open Adoption Roundtable. Want to hear what others at the adoption table have to say about the holidays?  Find more posts here!

What? Two posts in one day here?  It’s amazing what a little thing like classes ending will do :-)  It’s so nice to have a little free time to breathe for exams.

Anyway, I wanted to post this great article on Huffington Post about adoption awareness. It’s written by a birthmother in an open adoption of 12 years and brings up much what I have discussed here on this blog and way beyond (like ethical practices). I’m glad some one is out there talking about it in the news!

Do You Have Any Children? A Difficult Question to Answer

Ah, it’s been a wonderfully refreshing trip. (And I’m not even home yet! I figured I’d write something now because I know I won’t have time when I get home between school work, laundry, and ya know, spending time with my family like I’m accused of not doing. ha.)

The flight to Indiana on Friday was frustrating.  It was just a crappy day to fly, with lots of clouds and rain, which apparently put us behind on my first flight.  We didn’t land in Detroit for my connection flight until 15 minutes before my other flight left. Which means, I had to hurry off of RUN all the way across the airport (and if you know me, I do not run…) to try and catch it before I left. And I did. *Whew* The plane was still there, with the steps and everything….but they wouldn’t let me on. In fact, there were a whole group of us that were late due to our plane and they wouldn’t let us on. With the plane RIGHT THERE! Stupid. We had to walk all the way to the other side of the airport again to catch another flight, which put me behind when I was supposed to arrive about 1.5 hours.  I hate Detroit. I will never go there again, simply for the rude staff and the ridiculous layout of that airport. The one good thing they did was get my luggage on the right plane.

Moving on. I met up with Bre and we made our way to eat lunch/dinner with a wonderfully sweet adoptive Mom and her three year old daughter. We knew her from the message board Breanna and I met on, so it was neat to meet another one of those amazing ladies that we’ve known for years. Also? Her daughter reminded me so much of Savannah in the way she talked and acted, I bet they would have gotten along well if I had brought her :-)  After that we went shopping, mainly to walk the aisles of Babies R Us where I shared my experience as a Mom and what products I used or would use if I could do it over again.  She ended up with a cart load!  It’s amazing how much new stuff is already out since Savannah, there are definitely things I will be going back for when it’s our time for a new baby again.  And later, Bre shared with me her experience of having her own house and what products are good for my Christmas list (which is all house things in preparation for our move next year), so we both gained insight from each other :-)

Pretty much every morning I’ve been able to sleep in until at least 9:30 (yesterday, 10:30!) and drink my hot tea in silence, which is very rare in my motherhood world. It’s been nice. However, sleeping in 4 days in a row makes the days fly by and almost feels like a waste. As weird as it is, it made me grateful that Savannah gets me up earlier so that I actually do things with my day besides sleep.  I still enjoyed it while it lasted but it just gave me a new appriciation for getting up early when I have to.

Other things we did: Went to Target twice (gotta love Target!), made modpodge shoes (will post pictures later!), ate smores by a bonfire, took a walk, watched “Sunshine Cleaning,” and went to Bre’s doctor appointment.

I will say, I’m doing a lot better emotionally wise than I thought I would.  As you may know, Bre and I got pregnant around the same time and were due within just a week or two of each other. Sure at times I have thought to myself, “that would be me right now, I would be seven months pregnant” but mostly, I’m just thrilled for her.  They will make great parents, and I know she felt the same bittersweetness when I was pregnant with Savannah. But still, it is odd going to the doctor and not being the pregnant one , experiencing the pokes and prods and the movements as the baby squirms away from the heart doppler. But, I’m okay.  Sure, it makes the desire for another child stronger, but I know God will bless us in His time.

And now, as this trip is nearing it’s end, I’m mostly grateful that I had not just some “me” time away from my home world, but Bre time as well.  There’s nothing like spending time with your best friend, especially when she’s preparing for a baby. It’s been exciting to share this time with her in person instead of through a computer screen. Hoping for another trip in the spring to be able to meet their new addition :-)

Of course, we forgot to take pictures of our trip (except of shoes…). Lame.

I haven’t even logged in to this blog in over a week, simply because life is crazy right now with the middle of the semester already here (hurrah for flying by!), which means midterms and papers and presentations are constantly weighing on me right now.  Not to mention including life with a two year old, play dates to go on, trips to see family, and my trip to see Bre in two days! Life is busy, but quite good.

But, in logging in to make a quick update I was shocked. Stunned. I had 17 waiting comments, all making remarks about adoption on the 16 and Pregnant Update (click there to read the comments). I will tell you, I did approve them all because I accept and respect that everyone has a different opinion. I also believe that all those opinions and perspectives should be heard.  But, just as a reminder, please be respectful of my (and Bre’s) positive view as well. We did what we thought was best at that time in life for our children and we stand by that decision.

I do though feel the need to specifically address this comment from “Lazy Susan” regarding my post about Surviving Adoption.

“Well, as long as YOU survived! How selfish to only think of yourself–what about your child?”

Have you read anything about my adoption story?  If you have, you would see that the choice of adoption was not a selfish one in the least. I wanted to parent her, I wanted to be her mommy, but I knew in the dept of my heart that she deserved a better life than I could offer at 16 years old. So, I actually find my choice to be one of the most unselfish things I’ve ever done in my life because I put her quality of life priority over my desires to be a mother. And, I can tell you nearly five and half years later, my daughter is “surviving” as well, if you must call it that. She is where she meant to be, she is thriving, very loved, and knows who we are as her biological family as well. I’m here to fill in the pieces of her life puzzle as she grows, I see it as having the best of both worlds.  And yes, I did “survive” the heartache of the choice and I feel like I have the right to toot my own horn about it. I’m proud to be a birthmother.

Like I said before, I know everyone is going to have a different opinion and perspective and that’s ok.  But, I also have the right to share mine as well. The simple fact is this: Adoption is positive for us. It works for us. You have your views, I have mine.  That’s ok.

(Just do it respectfully, please!)

Remember Catelynn and Tyler from 16 and Pregnant and how I loved the portrayal of their open adoption?  They’re back!  I noticed an article in October’s People Magzine, titled “17 and Coping.”  The article continues to be positive and they stress how hard of a decision adoption is, how bittersweet it is, but yet they still know they did the right thing.  I liked that Catylnn said about their filming of 16 and Pregnant, “We put it out there that adoption’s not a bad thing. I’m really glad [we did it].”  Amen. That’s what I love about these two.

I thought it was neat that we’re able to follow up with them again (aside from the Life After Labor finale)!  There is an interview with the couple online at People, but the full article is on stands in the October issue (with Katherine Heigl and her newly adopted baby as well). It’s worth a read!

Every since last Thursday when I was on the radio, it has renewed my passion. I have many passions in life, but particularly, my passion for writing and sharing our adoption story. I strongly feel that coming up on 6 years ago when I became pregnant and made the choice of adoption with God’s leading the way, that in turn He gave me the gift of writing.  In fact, I started blogging when I was pregnant with Kaylee. It was not much of a blog/journal, it was filled with exclamation points that had no reason to be there, a ton of “LOL’s”, lots of complaining about pregnancy symptoms, and in general just youthful in content and grammar (I was 16, after all).  However, after Kaylee’s birth I obviously dealt with a lot of emotions and God revealed Himself to me more, and so my writing became more seasoned and meaningful.  By the time Kaylee had turned one, I knew in the dept of my soul that God wanted me to use our story and use my writing to proclaim who God truly is and show that adoption can be such a blessing.

I wrote my story out in many places, mostly online but also academically and many of my papers were chosen to share with students. Seriously, just every research paper I’ve done in college has related back to adoption in some way.  One amazingly inspirational English teacher I had at Appalachian State  commented on one of my papers, “Content is always the most important and yours is always so compelling when you write on this subject!  You really should consider writing about your experiences for publication!” (Between his encouragement and my Dad’s, that is why I became an English major).

People have told me I should write a book for years, and trust me, I want to.  I have plans in my head but it’s scary to commit the time when I have no idea where to begin, or who to take my writing to.  I need a magic formula, do you  have one? But, the comment last week from the radio host confirmed to me again that I need to do this. Not just to sell books, not just to get my name out there, not for my glory but for God’s. And also to preserve my feelings and thoughts in paper, in hopes that it encourages others and one day it will give Kaylee a deeper understanding of my time with her and how much I love her.

I don’t know when I’ll start writing, I mean really writing. I always assumed I would wait until I graduated because then I would have more free time, right?  I’ve learned that with Motherhood there is no such thing as free time, whether you are in school or work or stay at home.  So I need to stop making excuses and let God lead the way, eh?

Seriously though, if you have a magic writing formula to follow or just a good resource about how to go about this, please do share!

So, this morning I was listening to our local Christian radio on my way to school and the radio host asked callers to talk about what they survived.  Some were big touching stories like surviving a house fire, beating breast cancer, etc., others were smaller that and caused chuckles. But, I immediately thought about my adoption experience. I survived it. I survived when my heart couldn’t even think of placing Kaylee but I knew God was calling me to a road less taken, I survived when I signed those papers, I survived when I rode away from the hospital without a baby in the back seat, I survived when I sat on my kitchen floor sobbing while holding my puppies. I survived.

I had this pressing feeling I needed to call. Now, if you know me in person, I am not a social person. I don’t raise my hand in class to speak typically, I don’t like attention on myself, I’m very quiet and reserved so for me to call a radio station for thousands to hear my voice had to mean something, right?  I tried calling a few times and it was busy and almost gave up, thinking “Oh well, I tried!” But I tried one more time just before reaching school and got through! The hosts told me wait 2 minutes while they played a song and then I was on. It was a very brief 1-2 minute talk but I did it! (Seriously, this is huge in my quiet world).

I said something like, “I survived placing my daughter in an open adoption when I was 16 years old.” and they discussed how brave I am and asked how often I see her, etc. I talked about how it was a decision that God lead me to and turned into a wonderful experience, she has great parents, how the adoption experience lead me back to God, etc. And the male host said, “well you just need to write up a book and share your story!” and I said, “Well writing is definietly something that God has placed on my heart and I plan to do that some day but I do have a blog now that I write about how hard adoption can be but also what a blessing it is too” (Which, was totally a confirmation and reminder to me that YES I need to start this book process and stop making excuses about time. I really feel like that’s what God has in store for me at some point in life). And the female host requested that I send her an email with the link because she wanted to read it.  She then asked what would I say to a girl that found herself in this situation, which threw me off guard, so I said something about pray about it and seek support.  

 I kept praying that God would use whatever I said to encourage some one out there, I prayed that if I was meant to get through I would, and I did. I don’t know what will become of it, or if I’ll ever know, but I really felt like it happened for a reason.

When I got to school I emailed the radio my blog link and then emailed Kaylee’s parents telling her about me bragging at how amazing they are and thanked them for allowing me to be in Kaylee’s life. 

Anyways, that’s my exciting news for the day :-D ME. On the radio!

So where have I been?

For starters, me and the wonderful Victoria had a 4 day visit!  We took dorky pictures together, tried on clothes and took pictures, played water basketball (where we both only made one goal, oy), found some super great shopping deals (If you have a Belk near you, GO NOW! 75% off stuff!), we had lots of deep girly chats, and of course, stayed up too late.  Always, always a fun time with Tori :-)

Proof:

See? $11 dollar dress from Belk! Now I just need a date or wedding to wear it, right?

(The lighting in the store made me look very orange, weird. I don’t go to tanning beds or use tanning lotion)

Since Tori left, I’ve been hanging out with my sweet Savannah and my favorite (and only) little sister. We’ve done some more shopping and Build-a-Bearing and pool swimming.  It definitely feels like summer and I’m enjoying the time off until senior year starts in less than a month!

When Victoria was here she told me about a news article she read about an open adoption story here in NC. I found the aticle and Amy’s (the birthmom) blog and now 2 comments and a phone call later, we are having lunch on Saturday!  This is so unlike me. If you know me in person I have a hard time reaching out of my little shell until I know people better, but I’m so excited to meet another birthmom who is my age, a Christian, and has a postive open adoption story.

Just so you know, since the 16 and Pregnant adoption episode aired last night, the full episode is now available online at MTV.  If you haven’t watched it yet, go check it out (it’s about 40 minutes) before you read my post, my blog will still be here when you’re done! And as a warning, you will need tissues.

Ok so, I watched it during Savannah’s nap time today and I have to say, I’m impressed. This has to be the first time in a while that I’ve seen adoption pretty darn realistic in that it shows the good and bad, the joys and pains, and expresses the truth of what adoption is about…love.  Of course, there are “bad” people out there that can create bad experiences and I can’t deny that it doesn’t happen in adoption, but in general this story reveals what it’s like for a birthmother who obviously cares for her child beyond words, has peace with her decision, with an adoptive couple completely open and loving in return.

Honestly, watching this episode was a lot like watching my own story on screen (they even all have heart pendents like we do to display how they are “linked for life”!).  It brought back so many memories of just 5 years ago, the closeness I felt with Kaylee and getting to know her family, the anguish of making that decision and not knowing what to expect emotionally with her delivery and afterward.  However unlike Catelynn, I had oodles of support for my decision and my heart breaks for her and Tyler in that even their own parents couldn’t see how mature they are for making the choice to give their daughter a better life than what they have.

And oh my goodness, how refreshing to see a birth father so involved! Tyler showed so much strength and maturity and clearly loves both Catelynn and their daughter.  Many times the dad’s disappear, even with parenting teens, and it was awesome to see that birth fathers (can) feel that same connection and love as well (Did you hear that sweet letter he wrote his daughter?! What a treasure that will be to her one day). It wasn’t the typical situation of “well give the baby up and let me live my life!” that I and so many other pregnant teens experienced.

If you remember, I had high expectations for this show. I wanted it to fight the stereotypes and it did. While it is sad that their family wasn’t supportive, it displayed the typical negative attitude and comments that people approach adoption with.  Sadly, Tyler’s own father told him that he wasn’t “manning it up” to the responsibility of being a dad by placing his daughter with another family for a better life but Tyler fought back though saying that his kid does deserve better than this life that they have. It’s impressive the passion and caring that he has, obviously it was worth fighting to give his daughter better.

I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard “I couldn’t ever do that” or “How can you carry a baby nine months and then just give it away?” when talking about adoption and once again it came up on this show.  Catelynn battled those comments as well and helped provide a true look at why people chose adoption, especially when she met with the adoptive parents and she explained why she made her choice.  Point blank: She wanted better for her daughter’s life. I love, love, love when she says, “I want her to know that I’m still there, that I didn’t just not care about her…I want her to have better than what I had and I’m doing what I think is the best” Bam. Proof right there that birthmothers do love and care about their children. The choice is out of love, not one that is selfish or not “manning up.”

I think for once, MTV did an awesome job portraying an adoption story and I pray that this show helps all who watch it to see the love inside this couple and every birth parent out there. That adoption is far from the easy way out. I have so much respect for Catelynn and Tyler and how they approached this. But then, I remembered that that was me a few years ago…and I’m proud.

What did you think?