I was looking at pictures last night of my kids, from fresh newborns to a few months old and it got me thinking…

I feel like I’m more attached to Jaxson that I had a 100% natural water birth with (I hope my kids never read this down the road…but just being real and honest here!). I never thought of myself as one of those moms that thought their baby was THE most beautiful thing in the world until he came along. I could watch him all day long and admire him, even now at 19 months. Of course, I love my daughters and think they are beautiful, etc. but it feels different. It makes me feel guilty, too, that I am supposed to love all them the same! I can’t explain it unless you know what I mean.

My other 2 births were in the hospital, I was induced with pitocin, had an epidural (and other loopy-head inducing drugs), episodomy, cord cut right away, I couldn’t nurse them right away (Kaylee was placed in an open adoption so I didn’t nurse her anyway, but with Savannah it was 3 HOURS later before they let me), with Savannah they would keep her in the nursery for hours at a time when I wanted her with me to nurse, etc.  The experience was drastically different and I felt like I wasn’t in control the entire hospital stay.

I’ve talked with my best friend who had the same experience with her first child (hospital birth, lots of interventions, she’s had homebirths since then), we both have similar feelings about our kids who have been born in the hospital with lots of interventions versus our natural births.We both feel a difference in our bond with them now and it shows in how we parent them.

For those who have had both kind of births…do you notice a difference? I hope this doesn’t trigger hate mail, just curious if me and my friend are alone in our bonding experiences and if there is a link.  Just being honest and real here :-) I absolutely love all my kids but I feel there is something special in a completely natural birth and when that natural oxytocin kicks in afterbirth! I didn’t get that with my girls since I was drugged and I still feel the effects of missing that, I think. However, if I had never had a natural birth after my intervention-filled births, I never would have known the difference because I definitely felt bonded and loved them right away! Like I said, its just different with Jaxson for whatever reason.

Of course, all this is something I work through daily and bring to God, having joy and loving ALL my kids differently to their needs and personalities, but also equally.

What’s your experience?