When I was pregnant with Kaylee and Savannah, I didn’t have a wedding ring on my finger. I was still a teenager. In one case, I hadn’t finished high school, in the other I hadn’t finished college. I didn’t have much money, my own house to live in, a permanent job. Walking around school, work, the mall, whenever, I felt shame. I knew people were looking at me wondering how old I was. I knew they were looking at my finger for a ring. Maybe it was all in my head, but I also know how judgmental people can be, especially with people they barely know. My belly felt like a giant red A on my chest (The Scarlet Letter, anyone?) I was a teenager that had had sex and it was obvious.
I hid it from my peers at school and co-workers until around 16 weeks when people finally asked me, “Are you pregnant?” No one was ever mean to me to my face about it and were supportive, but I still felt people were judging me by my belly and not knowing who I really was. This choice wasn’t me, it was just a choice.
This time? My belly isn’t shameful, I’m proud of it. I love it. I wanted to show off my tiny bump at 5 weeks. I wanted to show off pictures and talk about my pregnancy with the other students I had classes with. Maybe it’s that I’m a little bit older at 22, maybe it’s the fact that I’m married to a wonderful husband, that we have our own house, that we have a steady income and I know we can provide. Maybe it’s that I’ve done this before at 19 and if I can make it then, I can certainly make it now. Maybe I am just more confident in who I am.
Don’t get me wrong, I loved my belly with Kaylee and Savannah too. I absolutely love being pregnant, the changing body that comes with it, and I adored my little girls from the moment I knew they were on their way. It’s just socially, I feel different. I feel like I’m in a place that is more “acceptable” rather than shameful. I feel like I can show off my belly and be proud rather than worry what others think.
I think it shows.
8 Comments so far
Leave a comment
People can be judgmental. Unfortunately, it’s part of the human make-up, right, wrong or indifferent. That’s not to say it was right for you to be judged, it’s just to say our hearts are fallible and when faced to look at the state of ourselves more closely, it’s easier for some to turn the condemning eye onto someone else.
But, the beautiful thing in all of this is you and I know that all of your babies have been brought by God. They had/ have purpose. And societal scarlett letter or not, they are and always will be loved more than most can even dream of being loved.
You’re beautiful! You’re belly is beautiful too!
Kelli @ SustainingCreativity
By Kelli on 05.25.10 8:14 am | Permalink
People can be mean, but hey, who cares? You look stunning and you almost make me want to have another baby (almost!).
It is different when you’re not quite where you want to be with one pregnancy and then the next one you’re a bit more stable. I wasn’t married when my daughter was born, but when my son was born we had our own apartment and we had been married over a year. So that was nice. I didn’t feel like I had to “explain myself.” :)
Great post!!!
By Tara on 05.25.10 12:54 pm | Permalink
I think alot of people are judgemental, if that is what they’ve grown been exposed too. However, with your pregnancies,even though you felt awkward, you presented yourself as maturely as you could. With your experiences, there is an opportunity to ‘crack’ those judgements and let love in. Amen. proud of ya Leah!
By Evelyn on 05.25.10 5:10 pm | Permalink
I was right there with you, got pregnant my senior year in highschool, age 17. No husband, living at home with my mother, worked a crappy part time job. But I chose to keep my son, and it was the best decision I ever made. Now, I’m 23 and he’s almost 6 and we’re such an amazing mommy/child duo! I graduated college, I have a wonderful career, a good man (still not married) and bought our own house! But people can be so judgemental – but thats part of nature. Im just as guilty and I have been in that situation – Ive thought to myself “How can girls allow this to happen to themselves” Its a tough topic for most people to handle. But its becoming more & more popular, especially with shows like “!6 & Pregnant” on MTV!
By Meegan H on 05.25.10 9:37 pm | Permalink
Oh I so identify!! I’m looking forward to enjoying my belly this time when I get knocked up again (cross your fingers for me- we’ve got the OK and we’re trying :) ) You look fantastic in your picture, so happy!
By Melissa Aulds on 06.01.10 4:19 pm | Permalink
Boy or Girl? Boy or Girl??? I keep checking in wondering what you are going to have!! I know we’ve never met – I use to live in Charlotte and think I got hooked on your blog though something on Charlottemommies.com – but I’ve loved following your journeys. You look great by the way!
By Laura on 06.03.10 2:40 pm | Permalink
I am so glad to find someone who A) enjoys being pregnant. I did too…even the unexpected ones. and B) refuses to keep on wearing the scarlet letter. No one else can make a judgment of anyone based on appearances.
By Robin Westbrook on 06.09.10 10:55 pm | Permalink
Isn’t there something liberating about a) writing about the feelings of shame and humiliation and b) feeling the second (or third) time around, you’ve grown with confidence as a woman?!
Like thousands of other girls each year, I found myself 17 and pregnant, giving up a swimming career and facing humiliation at the small, middle/upper-class suburban school I was about to be a senior at. Of course I wasn’t the only girl having sex, but I was the only one pregnant. Along with the scarlet letter, I felt isolated and embarrassed; the stares, looks and comments were crushing. I moved out with my son’s father and changed schools.
Luckily at 17 I was strong-willed, independent and highly motivated and organized. Eight years later, I am still chipping away at my college degree, while continuing to work and take care of my family. While I did move back home for a short time and of course still rely on family as babysitters, I am SO proud to say I’ve always lived on my own and supported my son.
Now the man I have been with for three years and I are expecting a child together. One of the best things about him is his genuine love and care for my son, Aidan. It warms my heart to see the bond that they have developed. I’m still not where I want to be financially, but I LOVE that I can honestly say I am so blissfully happy.
The sheer fact that I am now 26 and pregnant has made all the difference. At 17, I was “ruining my life” (which, of course, my son has turned into the best thing that ever happened to me). There is also something comforting about knowing I’ve “done this before”– I know what to expect with a newborn, and how hard it can be on the whole family. Also, at 17, no one else I knew was going through what I was. My peers were experiencing college, I was going through a divorce. It helps now that our friends are getting married and starting families too.
By Liz Emery on 06.18.10 4:38 pm | Permalink
Leave a comment
Line and paragraph breaks automatic, e-mail address never displayed, HTML allowed:
<a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <strike> <strong>