Just so you know, since the 16 and Pregnant adoption episode aired last night, the full episode is now available online at MTV. If you haven’t watched it yet, go check it out (it’s about 40 minutes) before you read my post, my blog will still be here when you’re done! And as a warning, you will need tissues.
Ok so, I watched it during Savannah’s nap time today and I have to say, I’m impressed. This has to be the first time in a while that I’ve seen adoption pretty darn realistic in that it shows the good and bad, the joys and pains, and expresses the truth of what adoption is about…love. Of course, there are “bad” people out there that can create bad experiences and I can’t deny that it doesn’t happen in adoption, but in general this story reveals what it’s like for a birthmother who obviously cares for her child beyond words, has peace with her decision, with an adoptive couple completely open and loving in return.
Honestly, watching this episode was a lot like watching my own story on screen (they even all have heart pendents like we do to display how they are “linked for life”!). It brought back so many memories of just 5 years ago, the closeness I felt with Kaylee and getting to know her family, the anguish of making that decision and not knowing what to expect emotionally with her delivery and afterward. However unlike Catelynn, I had oodles of support for my decision and my heart breaks for her and Tyler in that even their own parents couldn’t see how mature they are for making the choice to give their daughter a better life than what they have.
And oh my goodness, how refreshing to see a birth father so involved! Tyler showed so much strength and maturity and clearly loves both Catelynn and their daughter. Many times the dad’s disappear, even with parenting teens, and it was awesome to see that birth fathers (can) feel that same connection and love as well (Did you hear that sweet letter he wrote his daughter?! What a treasure that will be to her one day). It wasn’t the typical situation of “well give the baby up and let me live my life!” that I and so many other pregnant teens experienced.
If you remember, I had high expectations for this show. I wanted it to fight the stereotypes and it did. While it is sad that their family wasn’t supportive, it displayed the typical negative attitude and comments that people approach adoption with. Sadly, Tyler’s own father told him that he wasn’t “manning it up” to the responsibility of being a dad by placing his daughter with another family for a better life but Tyler fought back though saying that his kid does deserve better than this life that they have. It’s impressive the passion and caring that he has, obviously it was worth fighting to give his daughter better.
I can’t even count how many times I’ve heard “I couldn’t ever do that” or “How can you carry a baby nine months and then just give it away?” when talking about adoption and once again it came up on this show. Catelynn battled those comments as well and helped provide a true look at why people chose adoption, especially when she met with the adoptive parents and she explained why she made her choice. Point blank: She wanted better for her daughter’s life. I love, love, love when she says, “I want her to know that I’m still there, that I didn’t just not care about her…I want her to have better than what I had and I’m doing what I think is the best” Bam. Proof right there that birthmothers do love and care about their children. The choice is out of love, not one that is selfish or not “manning up.”
I think for once, MTV did an awesome job portraying an adoption story and I pray that this show helps all who watch it to see the love inside this couple and every birth parent out there. That adoption is far from the easy way out. I have so much respect for Catelynn and Tyler and how they approached this. But then, I remembered that that was me a few years ago…and I’m proud.
What did you think?
11 Comments so far
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I just watched this today (I DVR-ed it last night) and it was SO good!!! I think the series totally redeemed itself, because the past episodes sort of glamorized teen pregnancy in a lot of ways.
By Rachel on 07.17.09 1:36 pm | Permalink
I agree with you Leah – I thought they did a good job at portraying both the good and the bad of adoption. I was so proud of Catelynn and Tyler for sticking with what they felt was the best thing for their daughter even though it was obviously very difficult to do with such little family support. Many others probably would have caved under that kind of pressure but they pushed forward with what they felt was best.
By Coley on 07.17.09 5:42 pm | Permalink
I really enjoyed watching this. I agreed that MTV did a great job of portraying it. I really feel that adoption is the most compassionate choice birth parents can make in that situation.
I have to say though, the negative and ignorant comments from those two parents made me want to spit.
By Crystal on 07.17.09 6:08 pm | Permalink
I caught a couple episodes of this show earlier in the week and saw the advertisements for the season finale. Then I read your entry about wanting to see it.
I watched that episode and bawled. I couldn’t believe how very strong they were. I don’t know that I’d have had the strength they both showed throughout their struggles. I was amazed how very selfish their parents were and how very unselfish Catelynn and Tyler were.
I think Carly will have a wonderful life with her adoptive parents, and I believe that they’ll keep Catelynn and Tyler in the loop.
You’re right – it really was a heart wrenching/warming story.
By Sara on 07.18.09 10:20 pm | Permalink
They are unselfish and strong for giving up their baby? OMG.
Being given away and adopted by strangers is an extremely traumatic experience for a baby/child. The baby will forever have a “Primal Wound”. Don’t have a clue what that is? Read the book.
Abandonment issues, identity issues, being treated like a second-class citizen are all part of the BEAUTIFUL adoption experience. ((BARF))
By Mara on 07.19.09 6:12 pm | Permalink
Hi Leah,
I was so incredibly excited to read your comment on my blog! I am so glad that someone else understands what it’s like to be a birthmom in an open adoption. Sometimes it feels like I am the only one who truly understands it! Your blog and story are wonderful, and I’m looking forward to reading more. It’s so nice to see another positive adoption story. While people may have doubts about adoption, especially open adoption, I think we are both living testaments that adoption is a part of God’s plan. I would love to connect with you and talk more. If you are in Raleigh anytime soon, or just want to chat, please give me a call!
Amy :)
919-539-6564
By Amy on 07.22.09 2:13 pm | Permalink
I agree. I thought this was very well done. My daughter called me and said you have to watch this, I cried through it. She is 19 with 2 little girls 14 months apart and doing it on her own. Very, very tough. I think adoption is the most selfLESS act a woman or young girl could do. It’s just the most precious gift ever.
By Lelia Chealey on 07.24.09 10:28 pm | Permalink
I loved the show too and felt it was an excellent teaching tool for teenage mothers. Adoption is a wonderful gift and I felt like the couple showed so much maturity! I have a 6 month old daughter and I tried putting myself in her shoes. She made the right decision even though it was hard. I am 29 and married but being a mom is the hardest thing that I have ever done. I think MTV did a great job showing both sides. I thought the adoptive mother was so cute!
By Jennifer on 07.25.09 10:35 am | Permalink
I love, Love, LOVED this show. I am on the other end of adoption. We are hoping and praying to add a little girl to our family one day. I cried with Catelynne and Tyler and was SOOOOOO proud of both of them. I wished I was her momma and his momma, so I could tell them, “Baby, you are making the most thoughtful, loving, unselfish decision you have ever made and it’s gonna be hard, but I’m gonna be here with you to get through it. I’m proud of you!!!” What kids!!!! Thanks for commenting on this show. I NEVER watch MTV, but came across it in the Guide and checked it out.
By Tori on 07.25.09 6:06 pm | Permalink
That tyler really loved that girl. that is a real man and how every guy in this world can learn a thing or two from this 17 year old boy. i hope one day i can find a tyler lol.
By Crystal on 07.27.09 3:24 pm | Permalink
I haven’t watched the show, just read your review. I feel sick to read you extol the love of the people choosing to give their child to a “better” life. That’s what I supposedly did 37 years ago. For me it was out of desperation, and a sense of helplessness. Of course I love her still. But better life? How do they know?
By jmomma on 07.30.09 8:10 pm | Permalink
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