I’m hanging in there. Or should I say we are as a family, but obviously this waiting is hardest on me. Everyone has been so supportive, thank you all for the prayers and sending virtual hugs or even sharing your own stories. It’s amazing how many women I know had miscarriages that I didn’t know about, it brings comfort to know I’m not alone and if they can get through it I can too–if it comes to that.

Some one sent me a link to Misdiagnosed Miscarriage website that has brought me a lot of hope in reading other’s stories. There are many amazing misdiagnosed stories that relate to our situation (having a low heart beat at first, or the second twin suddenly appearing) that have turned out to be just fine, healthy pregnancies and babies. However, there are also ones who were not so lucky and did miscarry, but again, it’s amazing to find such an awesome support group and to know either way I can get through this.

Still, I can’t lie that I’m always at peace or okay or ready for whatever God gives us.  Sometimes I am filled with hope that this baby (or babies) will survive and will be just fine by May 11th for us to know that. But mostly, I’m filled with sorrow and dread right now.  Dread for May 11th to get here only to find out the worst, dread for the pain that may come emotionally and physically, dread to even go to the bathroom to look. I hate this waiting game, especially with what my intuition says will happen. I just want to get this over with. If it’s going to happen, I just want to get it over with so I can move on.

This news also came at a horrible time, since exams start tomorrow and my mind, heart, emotions are every where but wanting to concentrate on studying.  But, thankfully, three more days and both Mark and I will be done for the semester and I can relax and do nothing like I so want to do. I want to be still and sit in the presence of God and just be.

Please keep praying, I have a feeling things will get worse before they get better and I can’t imagine how much more this will hurt my heart than it already  has. Thanks again everyone for the support.