I need some help, folks. See, Savannah isn’t a baby anymore. Which means she getting quite independent, testing her boundaries, and knows what she wants when she wants it. Our problem? Disipline. Her biggest offense is when we tell her “No” (no, we aren’t watching a movie right now, no we have go inside now, etc.) she hits us and throws things. We quickly hold her hands and tell her sternly, “We do not hit.” And try to explain how being angry doesn’t mean we can hit or throw. Usually, she’ll just do it again and then she goes to time out.
The problem here? She likes time out. Currently, time out is in her crib because it’s a place she can’t just get up and out of. However, the pacy resides in the crib as well, so now she asks to go to time out just to be with her pacy. Yes, we’ve taken the pacy away during this time too once we realized what was going on, but it still hasn’t altered her behavior.
Also, I do not feel comfortable with spanking/popping my child in most small cases like this. Especially, when she just got done hitting me and I tell her “Do not hit!” and then I hit her. I don’t want to send mixed messages. I don’t believe a child has to be spanked to be appropriately disciplined (something my husband and I differ on).
What do I do? What do/did you do at this age? It’s so hard to know what is appropriate because she is still so young and may or may not understand why. Tell me your secrets!
6 Comments so far
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We’ve liked Love and Logic with our toddler. The authors go a little overboard sometimes (IMO), but the basic principles are good. There’s a smaller book called something like Love & Logic for 0-6 that’s more useful for toddlers than the regular edition.
I’ve heard good things about 1-2-3 Magic, too. I think both L&L and 1-2-3 Magic are based natural consequences idea.
By Heather on 03.02.09 2:12 pm | Permalink
We use 1-2-3 Magic with our girls and it is EXCELLENT.
By anne on 03.02.09 9:02 pm | Permalink
My daughter has a problem with us telling her no, but I usually let her know it’s not appropriate to fuss and scream when she can’t get her way. Then I quickly change the subject, or more on to another activity to distract her.
One thing I’ve been experimenting with lately is to use humor. If I make her laugh, she listens to me more….
By Tara Pringle Jefferson on 03.04.09 2:19 pm | Permalink
find a new time out spot like a chair or spot on floor. u just have to keep putting her in that spot dont give up, she will get tired being put back. she will learn! time out for the age she is. 2=2 min. they have books about hitting, that might help to!
By Amy Ledford on 03.04.09 8:07 pm | Permalink
We also had a special timeout chair when the kids were that little. We put it in a location where we could sort of keep an eye on them, but that was decidedly away from us and the “action” so they felt like they were missing out.
At first they would keep trying to get up, but we were persistent about making them stay. In fact, I remember having very short time outs at first because we only let them get out of the chair after they’d sat there for a time and we told them they could come out. We worked our way up from about 30 seconds to the full 1 minute per year of age.
I understand your desire to not hit your kids when you’ve just told them not to hit. It’s something that I struggle with too.
Eventually though, we implemented very defined and consistent disciplines for different misbehaviors. When one of our kids is intentionally too rough (hitting, kicking, pulling hair), they know that the standard discipline is a spanking and time out. This is only for kids who are able to do those things intentionally though, not for toddlers testing boundaries. I’m not suggesting that you go to spanking if you guys aren’t comfortable with it – just sharing what works for us as food for thought :)
BTW – we’ve found that all of our kids are constantly in and out of what we call “critical stages”…where they really push to see where the boundaries are and what we’ll do about it. If we are on the same page as parents and super consistent with our loving discipline, the stage eventually comes to an end and the child is happier for it (gotta have that structure!). But if we’re lax and sort of look away while the bad behavior is going on, we have to deal with that behavior for even longer plus the child acts out in other ways. Persevere! This stage will soon pass :)
Wow…so sorry for the long-winded comment!
By Daiquiri on 03.09.09 10:32 am | Permalink
Well you’re right not to hit her back–that won’t teach the baby anything but… how to hit. But you should think about a new “time-out” place… your child isn’t really getting a “time-out”–rather, punishment–if she’s going to a place she loves and is used to going to, like bed.
What I used to do with my kids at that age was sit them in a time-out spot–on the couch, in the kitchen chair, on the floor in the diningroom–and make them stay there. That meant being in there on time-out, too, because they were never going to just stay there. But I would keep the time-out to an age-appropriate time… one minute for every year… so if the baby was 2, she’d be in time-out for two minutes.
But it’s best that you keep doing what you’re doing: Take the baby’s hands, tell your child that hitting is not appropriate, then distract. She’ll learn soon enough not to hit. Just remember, it’s developmentally normal; she’s just trying to express herself and doesn’t have the words yet to express what she’s feeling. So give her the words. And show her the way.
By Denene@MyBrownBaby on 03.12.09 5:34 pm | Permalink
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