As I’m sure most of you realize by now that Mother’s Day is just around the corner. However, I bet most don’t realize that means Birth Mother’s Day is also looming close, the Saturday before Mother’s Day.  I’ve mentioned this briefly before, but this day was created in 1990 by a group of Birth Mother’s in Seattle to (obviously) honor women who have placed their child (children, in some cases) in an adoption.  It was created with the intention to educate others about adoption, but more importantly to honor, remember, and recognize our decision.

I know many birth mothers have struggled with this time of the year, understandably, and the issue of feeling like birth mothers are never included, recognized, or if they are included…it’s separately. They’ve struggled with being torn between the two holidays, which to celebrate? And why celebrate at all since it reminds them of pain and loss? 

I keep saying “they” because I guess I feel like I am one of the rare birth mothers that doesn’t have negative feelings toward Birth Mother’s Day, Mother’s Day, or adoption in general.  Maybe it’s just the people that I’ve found blogging about it that seem to have the dominating voice, but I’m here to say it’s not like that for everyone. I’m not saying adoption is hunky-dory happy all the time (cause it’s not), just that people’s situations, outlooks, experiences are different.

I remember my first Mother’s Day after placing Kaylee, which took place nearly a year after her birth, I was nervous at how I would feel on the day. But, as usual my worries exceeded the actuality and it was a good weekend for me.  I was (and am) lucky that my family, as well as Kaylee’s, not only recognized me in my role as a Birth Mother, but also as a Mother.  I remember receiving a card from Kaylee’s family for Mother’s Day and my heart swelled and tears were brought to my eyes that her Mom would think of me on the day that it was supposed to be about her. I’m honored that my daughter has a Mom like her, one who doesn’t just think about her self and acknowledges that without me Kaylee wouldn’t be with them.

I guess part of my positive outlook is that I have had mostly positive experiences that out weigh the pain.  And, I’ve always considered myself a mother since Kaylee was born, despite that I wasn’t parenting her and even before Savannah came along. I just felt my role was different than the typical mother. My role was to carry and nurture her in my womb, give her the best family and life possible, and now I step back, watch her grow from a distance and enjoy the moments I do have with her.  That Mother-Daughter connection didn’t break when her umbilical cord was cut and I handed her over. No, it’s just different.

For me in my first year as a Mother after Kaylee’s birth, I felt privileged to have the whole weekend to celebrate, and I still do. This year, I will be really celebrating both days with the Birth Mom Buds event (where I’m speaking and leading a session!) and then our own family thing on Sunday. It’ll be a weekend full of remembrance for me, for both my daughters and in honor of both my roles.

I wear the honor proudly, both days. Always.

(I liked this article on Birth Mother’s Day, have a look for more information and another perspective to this controversial issue)