There’s been several things weighing on my heart lately, besides the messed up priorities. I thought I’d share them here so you guys would know what’s going.

The big one:

I have an umbilical hernia. Actually, several (which I just learned means I have para-umbilical hernia as well). About 4-5 in and surrounding my belly button caused by pregnancy (I think). I guess my belly became so huge it stretched the muscles further than it could go and made holes.  Lovely thought, huh?  They hadn’t bothered me until recently, but now some days it can be bad enough I can’t stand up straight and must lie down.  It’s a burning and pulling sensation as the holes stretch larger. Not fun! And, the only cure for this issue is to have surgery. I’ve put it off because they honestly weren’t causing a problem/pain and I felt I just didn’t need it yet.  But as things get worse, it’s inevitable that a surgery is in the near future. And that is a really scary thought! No matter how minor it may be, it’s scary to think of you being “put to sleep” and having your body cut, prodded and sowed back. I have a very low pain tolerence, anything to do with pain or blood makes me squirm. This just doesn’t sound like my cup of tea to deal with, but I must.

Plus, there’s the whole issue of money. We do have insurance but it’s a question of if they’ll consider this a pre-existing condition (and there fore, not pay), and if they do cover it, how much do we have to shell out too?

I have a dr. appointment Monday, so we’ll see what he says. And that’s a whole ‘nother issue: Showing my nasty, stretched out, flabby, wrinkly, hernia belly to a male dr.  Thankfully, it’s a dr. I know well, Savannah’s amazing dr. But still.

The minor one:

Literally, it’s my minor.  I’m currently an English major with a  minor in Technical/Professional writing. I was so excited when I found technical writing, I was pumped for my first day of intro class. And quickly became disappointed, it’s totally not what I thought it would be. As an English major we are required to have a minor as well, so I’m stuck here deciding what’s best to do.  I talked with a teacher and she suggested to look into Journalism.  It sounds much more appealing, more in line with what I write now, and the direction I would like to be in (work at home freelance writing). But what does God want me to do?  What direction does He want me to go in?  I hate when life is in limbo like this, like the direction is completely unclear until the perfect time.  Gah. Granted, the big picture of “life” is not in limbo, this is just one small area, but you know that feeling I’m speaking of.

The other one:

I’m totally not prepared for my speech. I have it all in my head, but I can’t face the blank screen to write it out. Cause that means I’m really about to do it. That means I really have to start practicing and saying it out loud and fear sounding stupid. I need some motivation and confidence and some divine words to pour through me.

What’s going on in your life?  How can I pray for you?