Yes I’m a birthmom and yes I agree!

Tragically, I’m not completely appalled…although I’ve felt a little jaded recently. I’ve been surprised a few too many times by the narrow minded opinions of people within our community, something that hurts the most.

All I can do at this point is try to educate those that are in the community, and those that are not, about the real life birthmom experience, not the one that Lifetime portrays. That, and be thankful that my daughters Mom doesn’t view birthparents that way.

Ugh, some people though…

By Thanksgivingmom on 02.25.08 8:45 pm | Permalink

I’m not a birthmom or an adoption mom (yet), but I’m absolutely appalled. That? is ignorance beyond comprehension.

By Burgh Baby's Mom on 02.25.08 9:08 pm | Permalink

That’s more than ridiculous and is the reason that I’ve started down a different adoption path that doesn’t involve giving advice/talking with individuals who have no interest in looking beyond themselves. It’s amazing that some people can be so ignorant to something that in all likelihood, they know ABSOLUTELY nothing about.

By Bre on 02.25.08 11:24 pm | Permalink

Wow, thats incredibly ignorant. If not for so many selfless birthmoms who gave up a child they bonded with in utero….. many people out there would NOT be parents. I see many more selfish women who are totally incapable of properly caring for a child keep a baby and put him in harms way because they don’t want to part with a child, even though they don’t have the mentality or finances to care for a baby. I’d much rather see a woman give a child to a family who will love and provide for a child as much as the birthmother WOULD if she COULD. (Does that make any sense?.. I hope it does.)

I cannot IMAGINE giving up a child. I cannot imagine the sacrifice and pain that comes with letting go of a child you nurtured in your womb and trusting God that he will provide for this child in the arms of another family. Just thinking about it makes all these crazy emotions surface. And to think that some people believe that women who make this choice just don’t care! PFFT!

By Mandy Mom on 02.26.08 9:28 am | Permalink

I have never given a child up for adoption, but I am a mother of an 18 month old little boy. That statement is a horrible generalization, and absolutely rediculous. In my opinion, 9 times out of 10 adoption is done out of pure love, on both ends. I believe that your ability to nourish and care for your birth daughter for 9 months while she was growing inside you, and find a wonderful family to take her in and love her was an amazingly selfless, courageous, and love filled act. The way you speak about Kaylee shows me just how much you love her and want the best for her, and you knew when you were pregnant with her that you did not have the ability to give her all she needed. So you found a way to give her everything she deserves. I think that is an absolutely amazing and incredibly loving thing to do.

-Kt (“fake” Leah reader)

By Kt on 02.26.08 10:57 am | Permalink

Oh. my. gosh.
How ignorant! As an adoptee myself, I know that I was not “unwanted”. My birthmother wrote me a letter, and though I have not read it yet since I JUST found out about it a few months ago and have not been home to. I know for a fact my birthmom put me up for adoption because she couldnt take care of me because of financial reasons. She gave me up so I could have a better life. Not because she didnt want me. Heck, if she didnt want me she could have just aborted me. I cant believe that woman- she is extremely ignorant!
I know there are a lot of ignorant people out there- esp. here at our beloved ASU. In most of my major classes (Im a social work major!) we talk about adoption at least once a semester. I am always open about talking about being adopted. But it never fails- every semester there is an ignorant prick who decides to challenge me saying ridiculous things like, “You can’t be adopted- youre not Chinese or African!”… please, grow up!
I have read your adoption story and all I can say is that you are amazing! Just be glad that YOU know the real deal about adoption. Maybe you should give that lady some real advice from a real birthmom.

By Kristin on 02.26.08 11:37 pm | Permalink

I am a mother. I did not “plan” my pregnancy, but in spite of the extreme embarassment and concern for my child, my child turned out to be a most welcome surprise – from MY viewpoint. I “bonded” with my baby immediately when I discovered I was pregant. Thus I could not get an abortion. I considered my child a gift from God to me and my family. But my family members (who were “Christian”) found “it” to be an embarrassment. Some of them told me “it” was “ruining our lives”. They were melodramatic, but they definitely refused to acknowledge “it” as their family member. My middle brother actually said “bastards deserve it” (adoption by unrelated infertile people). It was horrifying. They insisted that “it” must be donated to the church which would then make it “available” in case someone wanted to get “it”. The only other option mentioned was killing “it” (abortion).

They told me “the baby” would “thank me” for “choosing adoption”. They really worked to limit my “options” to only one. No one offered any assistance or kindness. No one told me of any form of public assistance and people were incredibly nasty. They played the “bad guy” while the woman at Catholic Charities played the “good guy” pretending to be my friend. When my mother finally confessed to her that although I was not yet through college and had no income, I was really a decent person she really wanted to help me, they advised her not to offer any help. Early on, they told her it was HER FAULT I was pregnant and she must make sure it never happened again. This had the effect of destroying any communication between us.

My family members all believed in so-called “Family Values” which meant all families had to be of the “Family Unit” type – my family was not a “Family Unit” and thus was not “real” in their eyes. And they had been taught that it was a “sin” to offer a young woman any form of assistance, in cases where “it” was a bastard. They believed mothers of bastards should be kicked out of school and mistreated in an attempt to get them to “give up” hope and surrender. My mother said women “get themselves pregnant on purpose to ruin (males) lives”.

AFTER my baby was gone my entire family claimed they WOULD HAVE HELPED ME.

But how would I have know that? At the time my beautiful baby was born some refused to visit at the hospital to welcome “it” into the world, and other refused to hold “it” or (later) to look at pictures of “it”. Those who did hold “it” were careful not to refer to us as relatives. No one said “Congratulations, Mom!

I had no place to go, no money to buy diapers. I had no car seat to use to take my baby to a friends house (since after all I knew “it” would not be welcomed at parents house). I was from a middle class family but at the time I was still paying my own way through college. I had little money and I had no idea how to get public assistance. When my child was born in perfect health that’s when I knew for sure that no one would ever help me – because in my community they all believed infertile people “deserved” the first chance at “it”.

So you could say my child was “unwanted” by the society around me (unless “it” could be disguised as a nonbastard). But my child was very much wanted by me.

By Laurie on 05.02.08 6:35 pm | Permalink