I’m in some kind of funk.  I’m not sure why, or what it is, or what to do about it. But I am. I don’t know what to write about any more.  I normally have all sorts of ideas bouncing through my head (the problem is when do I have time to write them down!). I walk around the house without talking much to anyone except Savannah, of course.  I hardly smile, except to Savannah, because who can’t NOT smile at her bright laughter and silly faces. Things feel hopeless right now. My dreams that I have for my life feel like I will never reach them, I’m drawing away from God instead of closer. In short, I’m just not me.  What’s up?

I’m partially blaming it on the winter blues.  After Christmas happens there isn’t much of winter to look forward to so, I’m ready for spring. For flower blossoms, new life, green grass and warm weather.  I’m tired of these freezing frosty mornings, bare limbs and patches of muddy grass. Just looking out side is depressing! Each morning lately a fog has hung low in a creepy way.  I need a sunny day.  It’s weird how the weather can have such an effect.

Plus, mix this with a child who thinks it’s cool to wake up some where between 3:30-5 am ready to play, having trouble sleeping when she is sleeping, and a very long day of classes.  And all the other house/wife/mom/Christian stuff.  I feel my edges coming unglued. My life feels so out of wack and off balanced right now.

And of course, the shocking news of Heath Ledger’s death yesterday has left me uneasy.  It was just a complete shock for me (well, for everyone I think) and threw me off guard.  A death always shakes me up a little and it just boggles my mind that some one can be here and alive and then *poof* they’re gone. I just can’t wrap my head around that.  I can’t wrap my mind around a body just being a body..and lifeless…and mine (or Marks…or Savannah’s…or my Mom’s? *gulp*) will be that one day? Of course, myself as a Christian I shouldn’t fear death because I KNOW I will be in Heaven one day (as most of my family)…but I do. I fear it.  And I fear loosing the people I love, so each death that happens around me, whether I know them or not, unnerves me.  It reminds me that life is very short and things can happen without explanation or expecting it.

Go hug your loved ones.  Treasure life.

 (Again, sorry for all the blah posts lately.  It will get better, spring will come. Happiness will come. And, hopefully some balance!)