A lot of has gone on this past week. Actually, its been only about 5 days of roller coaster emotions.  But really, its been going on longer than I realized.  Are you confused?

I was, too. And shocked.

Savannah has lost some of her hearing. I say lost as if it was simply some of her favorite Strawberry Shortcakes toys dropped at the grocery store, or something. But its not.

It became very noticeable this past month after we all had a bad lingering cold. We were having to repeat ourselves over and over (more so than the normal “selective hearing” kids normally have), make our voices louder and louder for her to hear us. The TV or music had to be blaring loud. She’s always kind of liked her TV and music loud, but this was different. Even her Grandparents noticed something wasn’t quite right and encouraged us to get it checked out, so I did.  Last Thursday she had her hearing tested and was seen by an ENT, who told us that she hears as if she is 10 feet underwater. Everything is muffled. Well no wonder we were always shouting and having to turn things up!

The good news? Its temporary and its just fluid behind the ear drum that has been building up for years (yet amazingly has never been infected, or painful, so we didn’t know there was an issue). The bad news? Oh, by the way, she needs tubes in her ears and her adenoids and tonsils should be taken out, too.  I was shocked, I was expecting an earwax build up (you should see the earwax that runs in the Daddy side of the family!). I cried. I didn’t want my baby hurting. Surgery?! And what do adenoids and tonsils have to do with this? Well, she apparently has huge tonsils that may be causing her some sleep issues like maybe a mild sleep apnea (she does snore…) so they should come out. (I’m still not convinced…)

For those that know me or have been around this blog a while, I like to do things a little more naturally. Especially, ya know, before slicing holes in my child’s eardrums, cutting out body parts, and spending thousands of dollars (no offense to those who have chosen the surgery route, I know it has its purpose and can be a huge help!). But more so than that, I believe in a Great Physician that can heal. I trust that He created our body and its functions for a reason. But, I also trust that if the way He intends to heal Savannah is through surgery, then that’s okay, too.

I felt lead though to try Chiropractic care first. We’ve been seeing one for about a year now, he corrected the migraines and vision issues I had been having daily (Praise God!). I asked if he would help us try to avoid surgery and he said yes….for free. Payment was a concern of mine because, well, Mark is skeptical. I’m lucky I even get to go once a month! Let alone taking Savannah 3 times a week for several weeks to do a series of adjustments for her ears? That would be quite a chunk of money. Praise God for our chiropractor’s generosity and caring. I have peace knowing we have nothing to loose simply in trying a different approach first.

Tonight though, I feel like we got our confirmation from God.  She was adjusted specifically for draining her ears on Friday and again this afternoon (Monday). We hadn’t noticed much a difference in her hearing, though we were told it could take weeks or might not even work at all if it was caused by something else. I got Savannah ready for bed,  turned on her night time music that plays over and over all night long. Its so loud that I can hear it all the way in my room with my door and her door shut.  We snuggled, giggled, talked about her new soccer practice experience, and said our prayers. She then got up to go to the bathroom one last time and something must have happened inside. She looked at me and said, “Mom! Why did you turn the music up so loud?! Its too loud! I can’t sleep like that!”  I flashed a huge smile and said, “Savannah its always this loud.”  I knew in that moment God heard my heartfelt prayers, that Savannah could hear better. Something shifted to drain the fluid naturally. She argued that it wasn’t always this loud even though I assured her that nothing had changed but her ears. After she turned it down to where she wanted it, I asked her if this is how soft she has always heard it and she said yes. She also said the “booming” she’s been hearing in her ears for months that she thought was “monsters coming” had gone, which I’m assuming was the sound of fluid in her ears popping. 2 adjustments, folks. God heard. God answered.

Mark is still skeptical, as I’m sure other people will be, too.  I know this is just the beginning, I accept that surgery could still be in her plans if her second opinion check up still shows fluid in a few weeks. However, I will say, that I have expectant faith that her hearing will continue to get better and surgery will be avoided all together. Its a fine balance between having strong faith that God asks us to have, yet also leaving room for His answer. And that’s why I’m writing this, to document how God works. That He does hear. He does answer…sometimes in the way we ask and sometimes not. I’m ready for that either way.

I also really wanted to share this for the many, many kids I know that doctors are telling them to put tubes in their ears to solve an issue.  I know its not a super major surgery, but its still surgery non-the-less involving emotions, pain, and money. I wanted to share so maybe others might be open to the idea that there are other options out there to pursue before opting for surgery. I used to be a skeptic in chiropractic care, too (looks kind scary watching it be done!). I’m totally a believer now in chiropractic care between this experience and my own issues with migraines that are now non-existent. God totally knew what He was doing when he designed our bodies and I truly feel like chiropractors are tools to keep our bodies in check when we throw them off.

Our story isn’t over, I know. But regardless, God is certainly using this time for some awesome things to bring Him glory. Even if its simply bringing me and Savannah closer to God, or helping Mark (and others) understand why I trust in the things I do, that’s pretty big.

I love that when Jaxson sees a ball….he screams like he’s just seen his long lost best friend.

BALL BALL!

Doesn’t matter if its his basketball, which kind of ball, or some random flashy light up one in a store. Its always the same excited reaction and he tells me repeatedly…”Momma! Momma! Ball ball!” In fact, it was one of his first words. Its that important.

His obsession is borderline of Tom Hank’s character Chuck in Castaway.

Even just editing this picture with him on my lap this sleep Saturday morning, he screamed at it like it was the best thing in the world.

Gosh, I love this little guy :-) And his sports loving Dad is glad they share this common obsession. Minus the screaming, “Ball ball!” of course.

I would say the cliche line, “it seems just like yesterday she was born…” but its simply not true. It doesn’t feel like yesterday she was born, but it does feel like she should still be toddling 1 year old like Jaxson is now. I cannot believe she is FIVE. A whole five fingers. The girl who counts to 20, pumps herself on the swing, rides a bike, draws pictures, writes her name? How is that possible? It really feels like I  blinked and suddenly she is a big girl ready to go off to kindergarten in just a few months.

She is absolutely excited up to the moon and past the stars that she is finally 5. So excited, in fact, that she woke up at 3 am to start her birthday. That’s worse than Christmas mornings folks, where we have to wake her up to start the day. Still, while we were all a little tired from a rough night and early morning, it was a fabulous day full of family, friends, and her favorite things. We started the day out with our favorite Chicfila Breakfast, played with a few of her favorite friends at the park, and later had pizza and a homemade cake with her Grandparents. And, of course, opened presents. She also was an excellent listener, because according to her, now that’s she’s 5 she will be a great listener when we ask her to do things like clean up her toys. Sweet deal!

I feel so blessed that she is in my life. While our relationship may have its struggles at times and I question my parenting skills, I know overall she’s a great girl with a caring heart.  Her birth 5 years ago was one that gave me the role of a Mom, it taught me so many things about myself, and even my perspective on birth. She’s helped shape me to be the woman and Mom I am today, its her presence that keeps me clinging to God for guidance so that I can be the best Mom and wife I can be. She’s the one helping me to become”childlike” again and find joy in simple things in my days. I’m so grateful that our relationship is one that is open enough that we teach each other things about life.

Happy Birthday, Savannah! I have a feeling 5 is going to be awesome for this girl :-)

(P.S. Sorry if some parts don’t make sense or misspellings, etc. I’m half asleep on cold medicine but felt the need to write before the day was over)

Can we get some praise on up in here?

2012 I deemed the year of healing, and its moving right along in that direction. And its only January 26th. God is good. I love that sometimes you simply have to ask and be willing to take a step forward and He will answer.

Soul healing wise, I feel God moving and changing me already. And counseling so far? I’ve only been three times, but already God is using it to bring peace and understanding. Do you know how freeing that is? He’s not only used it to help understand decisions in my own life, but for Mark as well. He hasn’t gone with me (yet), but the things I’ve uncovered about my life are connected to his life, too. Its neat to see how God is speaking through this time and also using it to grow Mark and I closer.

Also, while this wasn’t exactly on my mind when I talked about healing before, God has answered it none-the-less. Jaxson is out growing his food allergies! He (WE! Because we are still nursing and loving it) can eat dairy now all we want.  I’ve had it in my diet for over a month now pretty consistently every day and no rashes have appeared or an upset tummy. Then, one day I experimented with him eating some yogurt in a smoothie. Nothing. Then yogurt straight out of the container. Nothing. Its been over 3 weeks now and I’m pretty sure his body has decided dairy isn’t all that bad. I still haven’t tried milk as a drink or given him cheese directly, but we’ll get there. Soy also doesn’t seem to bother him all of sudden either (which is great since its in everything, it seems). I haven’t tried nuts yet or eggs (although I still eat eggs baked in things occasionally, like a cookie last night, and there was no reaction). I know its common for food allergies to be out grown around 1 year old and I’m praising God we seem to be following in that pattern. It was just about 1 year ago his rashes started popping up out of no where, and I’m grateful that this year we conquered them and his cheeks are silky smooth as they should be!

So, mommas that have dealt with allergies while nursing or food allergies in general…have hope. Sure, allergies won’t always disappear but have hope that you can at least get them under control with a little change :-)

Any praise reports in your life? Big, small. Its all God loving on you. Soak it in.

Every year on Christmas I have to decide whether I want to purchase my domain name again. Do I want to keep blogging? I know I’ve been very absent lately from busyness, sickness, holidays…and simply because my writing is equated with my relationship with God. When I’m distant from God, I’m distant from writing. Obviously, I’ve renewed for another year so I’m hoping to step up my game on writing again

Let’s start with the old and new year, shall we?

I kinda feel like 2011 was a let down after 2010. I knew it would feel like that after how awesome 2010 was. The entire year was full of huge milestones and excitement: buying our first house together, graduating college, my pregnancy, the ultimate high of having Jaxson in a wonderful natural birth, and most importantly growing in Christ. The year ended with me feeling extremely blessed with all that He had provided. I know not every year can be full of big exciting news. Some years are harder than others, life is a roller coaster ride and I know we’ve got to cling to God and hold on! The funny thing is, I can’t pinpoint why 2011 was hard for me because there weren’t any huge griefs going on. No one died, no miscarriages, we were all healthy, etc.  We were blessed in that sense compared to other families surrounding me. But, I did have the emotional adjustment of adding to our family and how that has affected my relationships. Or, simply sleep deprivation. That makes any little issue harder to manage without a properly rested and functioning brain!  Otherwise, I still have great friends and support that God has placed in my life at the right times. I still have a growing church community surrounding me.  I still have my little family and dreams for our future. I need to be content with where God has me right now and the daily milestones my kids meet every single day, like Jaxson saying new words and Savannah learning to write her letters . Or, my husband and I growing closer together and to God as we learn how to “fill each other up” via our love languages. I know those are still big things in little ways.

Looking back, we did meet all the things I had hoped for in  2011.  We all grew in our relationship with God, we ate healthier and took care of our bodies better, we attended church more regularly and we both got involved more to not only serve but also to get to know others. Those certainly are blessings and goals met. But all those good things, I still don’t quite get why I look back at 2011 and glad its over. I think maybe its the trash lingering, damaging my perspective.

2012 I’m deeming as the year of healing. There is lots of baggage hiding around in the back corner of my heart that are stinking it up. Its wafting its way up to my daily life, like how I respond to my kids and husband. Things that happened as far back as 20 years ago…memories that I need to give up to God and find peace with. Forgiving others for their actions against me. Forgiving myself. Things that simply need to go to the curb. I’m starting weekly counseling through my church, which I’m both very nervous about and yet looking forward to. Nervous because it means those old memories and wounds have to be brought up to the surface again…and that means pain. Or guilt. Feeling ashamed. But, I’m looking forward to the end results. Just like the pantry we are building right now in our house, the room has to get messier before it gets cleaned and organized.  I look forward to where I will be a year from now, I have a feeling it will be a beautiful thing to look back and reflect on 2012.

I have faith that God will do big things this year repairing the rooms within my heart.

Sorry I dropped off the face of the blogging earth a month ago. I was doing so good for 11 days!  I’m bummed I didn’t continue the trend, but life happened.  Jaxson’s birthday busyness happened.

His party was a huge success, surround by our close family and best friends. We had a vegan cake made with applesauce that was yummy!  The weather was gorgeous so we all got to play outside and enjoy the last of the fall leaves. My wonder friend Leslie took some awesome pictures for us at his party.  This one is my favorite and just captures his personality perfectly. He’s such a happy, goofy boy!

The very next day I was struck down my mastitis out of now where! So that left me with no energy for about a week, barely able to take care of my kids, and definitely not blogging. Then life just got busy with Thanksgiving, play dates, grocery shopping, piles of laundry, trips out of town, Kaylee’s annual Christmas visit…and now sleepness nights thanks to teething molars.

November was busy, December is proving to be even busier! Just wanted to say hi if any one is still reading, and that we’re all alive and well :-) A little tired, but we’re good!

I’m am exhausted. It’s been a busy day cleaning, running errands, and preparing for a certain little boy’s 1st birthday tomorrow.

Tonight, I’m grateful for rest. Not just physical rest for my mind and body, but for my soul, too. A rest that only God can give.

I love how different Bible translations can change just one simple word and it can change the entire feeling and meaning. Tonight and tomorrow, this one fits:

“Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest” (ESV).  Today, I’ve been working hard preparing. My body is tired from constantly moving, sometimes with a 19 pound boy strapped on my back when he wanted his Momma. A year ago, my body was literally in labor bringing him into this world and God provided rest and relaxation during so.

Usually though, I think of this version, because it reminds myself to bring my worries to Christ. A soulful rest. Peace.

“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest” (NIV).

Goodnight, all. Tomorrow I have a 1 year old. I need my rest both physically and in my soul…

…I can’t believe its been a year…

Hopefully I can pass out like Savannah does.

Colors make me happy.

Savannah keeps asking what my favorite color is and I tell her I can’t pick just one. I love them all in their own way and for their own purpose.  I love the colors that God has given us in nature (Our pastor joked one Sunday that God’s favorite colors must be green and brown because they are found everywhere!). I love the color of food, especially when my plate is loaded with many vibrant contrasting colors of fresh fruits or veggies. I love the colors found in my wardrobe; a lot of teals and greens. I love the blue of my husband’s eyes and the purple of an orchid.

I’m thankful that we don’t live in a black and white world, but one full of excitement and beauty. One where a burst of color in the golden and red trees outside in the November sun can feel like a love note from God, too.

Just about every afternoon when Mark gets home for work, they all head outside to play while I finish dinner. Occasionally, I sneak away from dinner when I have a minute and watch scenes like this. Moments full of laughter and joy. Bonding. Watching our little zombie walker trying to run away carrying a football practically as big as he is. The way Savannah sequels with delight as she runs away and tries to get a “touchdown.”

It’s the best football “games” there are (and a lot more entertaining than the real deal football for this non-sports-fan!)

Its hard to believe its been 2 years since we started our search for a home with our awesome realtor, turned friend (You can read about our roller coaster ride here, scroll down to the bottom). We looked at many houses in different areas, price ranges, different ages. Nothing felt right…until I walked into the door and glanced into the room that I’m in now as I type this. It was perfect. It still is perfect for our needs. Like finding a spouse…you just know when its the one. We love it. I seriously look around every day amazed at the home God had placed into our lives despite our long wish-list of needs in a home.

For one, we had a very small budget that made it difficult but this was actually under our goal! It has the open concept I wanted to be able to see my kids where ever I am and run around the house to chase them (or loop around in circles while trying to keep contractions going a year ago!). It has the perfect amount of rooms we needed, including a playroom/office (I guess a guest room would be nice, but we make it work!). It was a newer construction and in excellent condition (no brass fixtures or fixer-uppers for us, please!). The location is idea, with an awesome school down the road and close to highways and shopping. Our neighbors are pretty cool, too. And one of the best things? We don’t have to mow our own yard. Mark and I are not yard working type of people. Since we technically live in a town home (yet amazingly share no walls with neighbors!) HOA handles the yard maintenance. God knew what we needed and absolutely blessed us with this home exactly when we needed it…coincidentally we found it the same time that I should of had the twins I miscarried in December 2009. We honestly could in vision us staying here forever, living a simple life. When we have more kids they can bunk beds, right? :-)

Here’s our house when we found it 2 years ago. Now it has a swing and a million pink-and-purple toys all over the porch! And it has blinds, definitely love having blinds. Thank you God for our warm home!